


Born to Try

by NiamsPotato



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Blood and Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Louis is hardly in it, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Zarry - Freeform, OOC Harry, War, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 69,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26129440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiamsPotato/pseuds/NiamsPotato
Summary: A medieval story - of love, loss, war, pain and violence. And how to get through it.
Relationships: Niall Horan/Liam Payne, Zayn Malik/Harry Styles
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back ... kind of... This is an original story by my friend, Silje Johansen - and it kind of screamed "Niam" at me, so she let me use her story once again ... 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy. 
> 
> All/any mistakes you may read, are my own.

_Mullingar, County Westmeath, many centuries ago._

"Liam. It’s no use. We have to retreat." The young nobleman heard the cry of his brother above the clash of sword blades. Yet he fought on bravely, his dearest friend Michael was in the thick of the battle and he had to get to him. The noise was overwhelming. The shouting, the locking of steel on steel, the screams of the dying. Liam could smell the blood on the damp air. So much bloodshed and for what? He would ask himself that question again before the day was over.

He heard his brother Nicholas, knew he spoke sense. They had to get back to the comparative safety and shelter of the castle. They had been severely outnumbered that day. The warriors from the southern territories had decimated them, but all he could think about was Michael. Ignoring the cries from his brother and their mentor Anto he rode across the field.

There weren’t as many of the dreaded warriors here. His eyes sought out the familiar figure. The lad he had grown up with. He saw him. The white horse he rode unmistakable. A sigh of relief went through him. They could ride to safety. 

"Michael. Thank the Lord."

Michael grinned. "I’m like a bad penny Liam. Are we retreating?"

"Nicholas’s given the orders. Let's get out of here!"

"What about pride and honour?"

"Better life and love, Michael. Now come on."

They were at the edge of the battlefield. The other army was holding them at bay. The peasants who fought bravely amongst the noblemen, and gave their lives. Liam said a silent prayer and crossed himself. Thankful that such men existed. Then he heard the cry. 

"Religious scum." The warrior was almost upon him. He had no time to react. But Michael did, he turned his horse so he was between Liam and the deadly blade.

It was over in an instant. Liam cried out as the blade went through Michael’s tunic. He fell instantly. "Michael. No. No." Liam’s sword was in his hand and he turned to the grinning warrior. 

"Your Christian Lord couldn’t save him could he?" The man sneered.

"And your pagan Gods won’t save you." Liam charged at the man, feeling nothing but satisfaction as his sword passed through him. He was dead before he hit the ground.

"Michael. Michael. Please Lord." He was on his knees next to the body of his friend. Andy opened his eyes painfully. 

"Li. Liam." His normally intense blue eyes were grey and cloudy.

"Thank the lord. I’ll get you to shelter. You’ll be fine."

Michael coughed painfully and Liam felt sick at the blood he brought up. "No I won’t Liam. My time’s up. Fight on, Liam."

"Michael. No don’t. Don’t leave me. I... I love you Michael."

"D... do... you think... I... don’t... know... that! You... you’ve shown... me it... enough. I’ll... never... never leave... you. Liam. Not... in here." With a great effort he reached up and touched Liam’s heart. "Now go... save yourself. Death... is nothing... to... fear." His eyes closed for the last time.

Liam crossed himself, then he tried to lift the body. Nicholas had finally realised what was happening, and joined his younger brother. "Liam... is he?"

Liam nodded, unable to speak. Nicholas touched his brother’s shoulder. "I’m so sorry. I know what he meant to you."

"I loved him."

"I know that too." He glanced over to where the peasant army was getting thrashed. "Liam, we have to leave."

"I’m not leaving Michael. He deserves a Christian burial." Nicholas knew there was no point in arguing with Liam. He hoisted the body onto his horse. "All right, but it will be in the forest Liam. We can’t make it back to the castle." Liam nodded and followed his brother, blinking back the tears.

Liam listened to Anto speaking in Latin as he fixed the rough cross to the grave. It was a safe place for burial, the warriors were afraid of evil spirits and never ventured into the forests. Liam approached the grave.

"I loved you Michael. You died for me. I don’t know if there’s anything worth fighting for in this cruel world. But I’m going to fight on, until every one of those pagan murderers is dead, for you. But I swear, I’ll never fall in love again, because it hurts too much when you lose someone. I lost my heart today Michael, it's buried here with you." He threw the wild rose he had found on the grave, his tears followed it.

"Are you all right Lord ?" Anto looked worriedly at the boy he had helped to raise and train as a fine young fighter.

"Yes Anto, those are the last tears I will ever cry. Let's go."

"Liam, take Michael’s sword. He would have wanted you to have it."

Liam looked at it and strapped it to his saddle. "I shall take it. No one has the right to use this, except Michael."

It was a long rider to the castle and the fighters were weary and depressed. "Why? Why are we doing this Nicholas? The warriors were our own people once."

"We are doing it for freedom Liam. The right to believe in what we want, to worship who we want without oppression and tyranny. That’s what we fight for, what our friends die for."

"From now on," Liam’s voice was stony. "I’m doing it for revenge. Nothing more!" Nicholas looked at the cold stranger that had replaced his warm, fun loving younger brother and sighed. Not only Michael had died that day.

Maura Horan tended the vegetable garden and prayed. Prayed that the ‘Selection’ that was taking place in the village would once more reject her eldest son living at home. Of course Niall would be bitterly disappointed but rather that than lose him as she had her oldest boy. But every male over 16 in the village had to go up for ‘selection’ every spring. Niall was now 18, they had been lucky. An overabundance of strapping young men in their particular village meant Niall had been rejected twice. He was quite small and fragile in appearance, an appearance that belied the truth.

Despite the inadequate diet that tending the land provided Niall was muscular. His baggy clothes hid this fact. And he was strong. Her husband Bobby had taught both boys to fight and use a sword in case of surprise attacks, but Niall was by far the best. Greg was missing, more than likely dead in a recent battle. She had a boy and girl younger than Niall. She wanted to keep Niall at home. He was a free spirit. Independent and wild, but she loved him dearly.

Footsteps made her look and with a sigh of relief she saw Niall trudging dejectedly down the road. There was no mistaking his expression. She hid her joy.

"No luck lad?"

‘No. Sir Walsh says I haven’t grown any. Mam, how do I grow more?"

"Niall, you’re 18. I don’t think you will."

"Well, that’s that then. I’ll never defend the village. I’m useless." He pulled his knees up under his chin and sulked.

Bobby came in. "Here’s the eggs, hens aren’t laying much. What's up with him?" He gestured to his son.

"It was ‘selection’, they didn’t want him."

"Oh." He walked to his son. "Niall look at me. Why is it so important to join the soldiers?"

"Because... because... Greg did."

"Greg didn’t come back either." Bobby’s voice was rough with emotion. 

"All the lads in the village go."

"And most of them get killed, Niall. It's not a game. People die."

‘I know, but they die for a reason. The greatest honour is to die for your beliefs! Don’t you want freedom to believe in what you want?"

"In this village we can. Lord Richard makes sure of that."

"One day father. We will be able to pray to whoever we like, wherever we like. That’s why I want to fight."

"Well, it won’t be this year. And I’m not lying and saying I’m sorry. I don’t want to lose another son. Now stop your sulking, and go feed the pigs."

Niall tipped the swill into the troughs, still in a black mood. "It's not fair. I want to defend my people, and I’ll never meet a pretty lass stuck on the farthest farm in the county boundaries." One big sow almost knocked him off his feet. "And you can stop that. You won’t be so pushy when you’re sausages." It was almost dark. He went to the fence and sat on it, looking at the glow of the torches in the village. The ones who had been selected would be celebrating tonight and leaving for Mullingar town in the morning, and he was stuck here. "It's not fair lord," he muttered again before going into the simple cottage.


	2. Chapter 2

"Lord save us. The crop. It's almost worthless." Bobby held one of the potatoes in his hand. It was blighted, soft in his fingers. "What's it like over there lad?"

"About the same." Despite hating farming, Niall knew it was bad news. OK, his father grew other things apart from the potatoes but they were the main source of his income. The wheat was just beginning to come through and most of it fed themselves. The few cows and pigs couldn’t support them.

"Oh well. Harvest what’s worth taking, Niall. I’ll take them to market ... and hope we get enough."

The harvesting didn’t take long. Niall eyed the sacks of potatoes sadly, there didn’t look enough to provide money to live on. He’d been going to ask if he could go with his father to Mullingar, see some life but it didn’t seem a good moment. They drove back to the cottage sadly.

"Niall, go and dig the carrots out of the garden." Niall was about to argue but he guessed his father wanted to talk to his mother, without him. He got the spade and began to dig. It was a warm day and the sun on his back made him sweat. He pulled off his shirt, and carried on working.

"Boy!" The shout made him look up. Two noblemen were at the gate. "Boy is this the Horan farm?"

"Yes."

"Yes sir, if you don’t mind! Who are you anyway?"

"Niall Horan, sir!" Niall stood up.

"Where’s your father?"

"Right here your lordship." Bobby had come out on hearing the voices. Niall’s eyes widened. It was Lord Richard, who owned the farm. "How can I help you sir?"

"What date is it?"

"April 1st sir."

"Your taxes were due yesterday! Where are they?"

Bobby’s heart sank. He had been waiting to harvest the potatoes. "I haven’t sold my crop yet. I have to go to market."

"That’s no excuse. If you can’t pay your taxes, we’ll take the farm back."

"No please sir. I have three children. I’ll have your money by tomorrow sunset." Lord Richard looked over at Niall, the sun was shining on his golden body, reflecting off of the droplets of sweat. The boy was handsome, hair the colour of sun ripened corn, eyes as blue as the ocean in Mullingar bay. And he had spirit - that much was obvious. A lustful smile played on the Lord’s mouth.

"Is this one of your ‘children’?"

"That’s my son Niall."

"How old are you boy?"

"He’s ... "

"I asked your son! How old are you?"

"18, sir."

"Strong? Capable of hard work?

"I should hope so sir." Niall didn’t like the man. The way he was looking at him gave him the creeps...

Richard turned back to Bobby. "We could come to an arrangement Horan. I could take your son into my service as my ... personal servant, and that would cancel out this year’s tax." He almost licked his lips at the thought.

Bobby saw the look he gave Niall. "Niall. Put your shirt on, in front of his lordship as well!"

Richard laughed. "Don’t cover up on my account Niall, it’s a pleasing view." Niall struggled into his shirt, wanting to run and hide. 

"Well Horan, what do you say? It’s a fair offer!"

"No thank you, sir. I don’t sell my children. I guarantee you will have your money by tomorrow night."

The man smiled lazily. "Make sure you do. I shall be here at sundown. If the money’s not here, I’ll take something else." His eyes rested on Niall. "Whatever I fancy. Good evening Horan. A pleasure meeting you Niall. I’m sure we’ll meet again soon." Then they were gone.

"Father, what ... did he mean? And why did he look at me like that?"

Bobby was shaking. Niall was so innocent. The idea of that monster getting his hands on his beautiful son. "Don’t worry about it lad. Now into the house."

Bobby left for Mullingar before the sun rose. Niall struggled awake to feed the pigs. Half asleep he plodded across the yard. The sty was empty. "Oh shit. Father will kill me. I must have left the gate open." He ran into the house where his mother was making porridge. "Mam! The pigs have gone!"

"I know Niall. Your father took them with him, to sell."

"Why?"

"Use your brain. The potatoes weren’t enough. Anyway, you hated the pigs. You should be happy."

"I was looking forward to the sausages."

It was a long day. Niall caught his mam looking at him anxiously and wanted to say something, but couldn’t. Just before sunset Bobby came in and laid a little money bag on the table.

"You got enough?"

"Just. Had to sell everything, but it's worth it."

As if on cue - there was a cry at the gate. "The taxes Horan."

Bobby went out. "Here you are sir. All there."

"Where’s your son?"

"Inside. Reading to his brother."

"He reads as well? Bring him out."

"Why sir?"

"Because I want to see if he can count too."

"Niall! His lordship wants to see you."

Niall walked out, knees shaking. "Sir."

"Your father says you’re educated. Count the money he owes me."

Niall took the silver. "One. Two. Three." When the bag was empty, he looked up. "Twelve sir."

"That’s right. 12 silver pieces. One for every calendar month. It’s a lot of money, isn’t it Niall?"

"Yes sir."

"And I’m going to offer your father double that. For him to let you come and serve me."

"Sorry sir." Bobby shook his head. "My son isn’t for sale."

Richard turned to Niall. "Your family would be rich, by village standards. I’d give you fine clothes. Your own horse, and the work wouldn’t be ... hard."

"Thank you sir, but no. We manage. My clothes are plenty good enough for me, and I’m scared of horses. And I like hard work."

Richard’s face darkened. ‘You have a smart mouth Niall. You need to watch it. Go inside."

Niall turned to Bobby. "Go son." Niall scurried inside, feeling sick.

"Take the money sir. As you saw it's all there."

"One day Horan. One day soon, you will wish you’d taken my offer tonight. It would be kinder for Niall in the long run."

"Why? So you can abuse him? He may be naïve. I’m not, and I know why you want him."

"Mark my words Horan. I will have him."

"Over my dead body, sir."

"If necessary." The lord turned his horse and rode off into the darkness. Bobby crossed himself and prayed to God.

Maura sighed as she looked at Niall. He had lost weight. There wasn’t enough food left on the farm to feed the family properly and Niall gave most of his to his younger brother and sister. Paying the taxes had crippled the family income. Bobby had never told her what the lord had wanted instead of the money, but she had a good idea...

But Niall was whistling cheerfully as he picked up the fishing rod. "I’m off to catch some supper."

"Well come back if it rains. I don’t want you sick." Niall nodded and went down to the Brosna river. He didn’t realise that eyes were watching him leave. Lord Richard had been furious. He wanted the boy, and it was turning into an obsession. He imagined him in his bedchamber, the feel of that muscular body. He would have him at any price.

Lord Richard wasn’t the most worthy of the County Westmeath lords. His beliefs were there to suit himself. His taxes were the highest in the area and the area itself never came under direct attack from the southern warriors, despite being open and vulnerable. There was a reason for that. Money! The attacking warrior army was a mercenary band and they were quite happy to leave the village alone for the large amounts of silver they received. A few nights after the incident at the Horans Lord Richard paid the mercenary leader a secret visit.

"You want me to attack your people? And you’re paying me for it?"

"Not my people. One farm."

"You want rid of them all?"

"No. The eldest boy. I want him alive. Unharmed if possible. He has hair the colour of the sun and blue eyes."

"Ahhh it's like that, is it?" The mercenary knew what Richard was wanting.

"And if you so much as think of having any ‘fun’ with him... You’re dead. He’s mine. I want that pleasure. Do you understand?"

"Perfectly." The man pocketed the silver. Richard smiled. It was ironic that the same 12 pieces of silver that Bobby had given him were paying for his downfall.

It was still by the river. Niall managed to catch three good sized fish. He debated whether to stay and catch more, but he was hungry. Swinging the fish he walked up the path and stopped.

He could hear noise. Shouting. The clashing of steel. His mother’s screams. He ran to the cottage. Horses were tied up outside. Warrior horses! "Please God no. Please." Crossing himself, he ran to the door. He almost fainted at the sight. Blood everywhere. The bodies of his mother and siblings. They had to be dead. His father was battling a warrior. One lay dying at his feet.

"Where is your worthless Christian son?"

Bobby didn’t answer. He was bleeding from many small wounds. He didn’t care about himself. The main thing was he protected Niall. He had been unable to protect the rest of his family. He looked up. "Niall run."

"No father." The other warrior turned in time to see Niall pick up the sword of his fallen comrade. "You cowardly bastards." Niall had the element of surprise. The sword found its mark. Niall backed off in shock. He had never killed a living thing before, but it was kill or be killed.

Darus the mercenary leader cursed. Two of his men dead, and taking the boy alive wouldn’t be easy. 

"Niall. Leave me ... go to the village ... find Mark Tomlinson. He’ll shelter you."

"No!" Niall was distracted by his father and it gave Darus his chance. He managed to slice his sword into Niall’s thigh. It was a clever blow. Not deep enough to be dangerous, but painful enough to halt the boy. Niall gasped in pain and sank to the floor.

"NIALL!" Bobby saw his son fall. His own safety forgotten, he rushed to his boy. "Niall."

"I’m sorry father. FATHER."

Bobby fell. Dying instantly from the blow from Darus’s sword. His blood spilling over Niall. Niall grabbed his father’s sword and slashing wildly opened a cut from Darus’s forehead to chin. The big man counter parried with a force that knocked the sword out of Niall’s hand. Niall lay there. "Oh Father forgive me." He began to pray.

"Your Christian God can’t save you now." Darus raised his sword. Niall closed his eyes.

Niall yelped as the tip of the man’s sword lightly ran under his right eye. Just deep enough to draw blood. "Blood for blood."

"Finish the job then coward."

"But the job _is_ finished." The man struck Niall a savage blow on the head with the hilt of his sword. "My orders are to leave you here... alive." But Niall was unconscious. He never heard. Or heard the men ride off. He didn’t even hear when the lord’s men rode up.

Paul hated working for the Lord. The man was a slave driver and paid a pittance. But then again, it was fairly safe. They were never attacked by pagan warriors. They must be the luckiest village in history. "Where are we going?" The other guard asked in a bored tone.

"To check on the property on the borders. His lordship feels he hasn’t been seen to be doing his job."

"That’s because we are doing it!" Paul chuckled at that. "This is the furthest boundary farm. Strange. It looks deserted."

The cottage door was open, creaking in the wind. Paul had a very bad feeling. He dismounted and looked in the door, then he turned and vomited. "Go. fetch his lordship at once. Tell him there’s been a massacre." The servant boy ran off leaving Paul and his men to the gruesome job of investigating. They decided to wait for the lord.

He was there in record time. "What's happened?"

"Warrior bastards slaughtered an innocent family. Mind you they put up a brave fight. Two of the scum are dead."

"Check for survivors."

"Sir. It's useless."

"I said check!" Richard began to worry. Maybe Darus had been over zealous.

Paul held back the vomit as he inspected the bodies. They were dead. Then he heard a whimper. A blond teenage boy was still breathing. His hair matted with blood, blood running down his face. His clothes were soaked in it. It was hard to tell how severely he was injured but from the sheer amount of blood. "Your lordship. This one’s still alive but he’s in a bad way." He drew his sword. "Shall I put him out of his pain, lord?"

"No. Are you trying to lower yourself to their level? We are human. Take him to my house. Get my physician. Spare no expense."

"Sir. With all respect. It’s a peasant boy."

"Who’s family we failed to protect. How does that look to the people? But if we save this boy... give him a job. Damage limitation. Or are you too thick to grasp that?"

"No sir." Paul picked the unconscious boy up, trying not to hurt him. "And what about the family?"

"A Christian burial. But make sure it's done cheaply. Now hurry, before he loses more blood."

Richard smiled. Mission accomplished. Of course thanks to that stupid, useless warrior he would have to wait awhile till Niall was well enough before having him brought to him for his pleasure. But the best things were worth waiting for. His gaze rested on Bobby’s body. "I always get what I want Horan, but don’t worry. I’ll look after Niall for you." Then he walked away without a backwards glance.


	3. Chapter 3

Nicholas watched as his brother cut down yet another warrior without flinching. Liam was a fine fighter. His reputation had spread far and wide. He knew no fear, showed no mercy. Only Nicholas and Anto knew the real reason behind Liam’s fearlessness, the fact that he didn’t care about his own life. If you didn’t care whether you lived or died it was easy to be fearless.

In the months since Michael’s death Liam had remained true to his word. He fought purely for revenge, often leading crazy suicide style missions that he miraculously came back from. But sometimes Nicholas wondered if he wanted to die, to escape the pain and loneliness that Michael had left in his life. He had shown no signs of loving again. Nicholas didn’t even know if Liam was capable of love any more, or even emotion. The only emotion Liam ever showed these days was elation as he killed another warrior, as they won yet another battle. Nicholas missed his young brother so much, who he could have a laugh with, who cared. And sometimes he feared the new Liam would get them all killed.

They were riding over to the Eastern territories, Dublin town to hand pick a task force. The warriors had been growing bolder, and sneakier. Small ambushes and massacres were the new style. Just a month previously, a farmer and his family had been murdered in cold blood. The only one to survive his teenage son, who was now being cared for by the Lord of the village. Nicholas couldn’t imagine what the boy had gone through. It was bad enough for him who was witnessing death daily, was trained to deal with it. But for a farm lad, to watch his family die in front of him. At least he would be safe now.

It was a long ride to Dublin, and they had a few encounters. It wasn’t only Mullingar who had warrior problems. As usual Liam dispatched them with ease, barely breaking sweat. Nicholas couldn’t believe the change in his younger brother. He had lost count of the men Liam had killed. He was heartless. Well, maybe not heartless, but his heart was surrounded by a stone wall, and no one would ever be allowed close to it again.

That evening they sat in the hall of the dwelling of the chief lord of Dublin, discussing tactics with the great man himself. Lord Malik had won many battles, even defended his town against overseas attacks. He was a great soldier but he was curious to meet the young lord from Mullingar whose name and reputation had spread the length and breadth of the country. He had spoken to his son Zayn about this fighter. Zayn and his loyal companion Harry had shown interest in going to the West to help defend the territories there.

“I’m not too happy about it my son. You and Harry are the best fighters I have.”

“And that is why the Mullingar people need us. They are far more vulnerable to attack than us!”

“Yes, but they have young lord Payne. He is a legend! Not yet 20 and such a fighter…”

“They say he’s brave. And heartless.” Zayn was curious about this ... boy, for he was younger than himself, who could kill so easily. Every time Zayn killed on the battlefield; it tore him apart. He believed in a God that said killing was wrong. Yet what alternative was there? Zayn had no wish to die a martyr’s death. He had to fight back, defend himself and his people - and that meant killing.

So that night he looked at the famous, or infamous Liam Payne. He was drawn to him, unable to believe that this quiet, unassuming person in front of him was the people’s hero. The brave fighter.

He was much smaller than Zayn imagined. Brown hair and brown/hazel eyes that sometimes flashed gold. Zayn couldn’t decide on the colour, they changed like the seasons. Their gaze was almost sleepy yet Zayn knew he was observing everything, missing nothing and forming his own judgments. He said little. It was his older brother Nicholas who discussed the journey, the battles, the strategies, backed up by their loyal mentor Anto. Liam only put forward a comment when he absolutely was certain it was the right time. The rest of the time he watched the small group of people in the hall, and Zayn and Harry in particular.

Harry was tall and brown curly hair, laughing green eyes and a quick sense of humour. He worshipped Zayn and in return Zayn adored him. They had been friends for many years. But his clownish attitude hid the fact he was a quick-witted fighter who would die for his friends.

“So?” Liam addressed Zayn directly. “You wish to help us defend our lands. Why?” It was straight to the point. Liam was as direct a person as Zayn could ever remember dealing with.

“Because ... there are more of us to defend here. Although you have an amazing record in battle, you need our help!” Zayn could be equally direct.

To his surprise, Liam smiled. “That is true. But what after? When the warriors are vanquished!” There was no doubt in his mind, his people. The true believer would eventually win.

“Then unity for our lands, all territories working together.”

Liam nodded. “You have vision. I admire that.”

“You didn’t see it?”

“I see nothing beyond the battle. I want victory, this war to end. But when it does, there will be nothing for me.” His eyes were bleak. “My mission, my life’s purpose will be over.”

Zayn shivered. Only 19 and nothing in his life but fighting and bloodshed. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be! It’s my choice. Now, you two wish to ride back with us? With your army? Tomorrow?”

Zayn smiled. He had wondered if this legendary soldier was too proud to accept help. He was pleased he wasn’t, but he wondered what the alliance would bring. “That suits me.” He turned to Harry. “What about you?”

“Anything you wish, I wish also.” He smiled. It was a quick smile, but Liam didn’t miss the significance of it. Then he knew. These two men shared what he had shared with Michael and lost so tragically. He recognised the smile, the looks, the chemistry! He hoped it was wise for them to join him. That they wouldn’t risk the mission through love. All love did was break you and cause pain. He didn’t love, and never would again. He nodded at the two men.

“It’s late. We need an early start. I’ll retire and advise you to do the same.”

They nodded and all left the hall. Liam watched them. He knew they were going to lie in each other’s arms all night. Make love as though it was their last night together, for it might be. He and Michael had been like that. “Stop it Liam. Memories are weaknesses. Go to sleep. You need your wits.” And he retired to his lonely bedchamber and cold empty bed.

Paul carried the unconscious boy into Lord Richard’s dwelling. Concentrating on the fact the boy was still alive, though deeply unconscious. He was making little whimpers and shivering. Paul was also aware of the fact he was dripping blood over the lord’s fine house. A fact echoed by the chief serving woman.

“For the sake of the lord, what have you got there?”

“A boy. There’s been a massacre by the warriors, up on a boundary farm. He’s the only one to survive.”

“He’s bleeding all over the floor. His lordship will be so angry.”

“His lordship’s the one who told me to bring him here. Send someone to fetch the physician!”

“You’re losing your sanity Paul. That costs silver.”

“And his lordship’s ordered it, OK? Now where is there a spare bed?” The woman crossed herself. Paul must be addled in the brain. His lordship had no time for the peasants, except to take their silver. But Paul was higher in the order of things than herself. She led him to the smallest and least grand room in the place. Shaking her head as Paul lay the boy, covered in blood on the white sheets.

Paul looked at the lad. He was still well unconscious. He didn’t know how long the physician would be and he had to find out how seriously the lad was hurt. Stop the bleeding. He stripped the boy of his clothing, leaving him just in his undershorts. To his surprise the only serious wound apart from the blow to the head was a deep gash along the boy’s thigh. Most of the blood must have come from the other people who had died in the massacre. The head wound had almost stopped bleeding and the cut under the boy’s eye was little more than a scratch. 

He turned his attention to the leg wound. It was strange. It was a deep gash almost to the bone in places, yet it had been done almost carefully. A full-on attack with a sword of the type used by the warriors could have, should have lost the boy his leg. Paul had seen enough battle wounds to know that. It was almost as if the attacker had held back. Paul was puzzled, but he had to stop it bleeding.

He picked up the boy’s shirt and ripped it apart, binding the strips tightly round the gash and pulling them even tighter. The boy whimpered in pain. “Sorry son, but I have orders, and they’re to stop you bleeding to death.”

The physician came immediately, curious to see what was making Lord Richard part with his silver so readily. He turned to Paul. “How bad is he?”

“Not as bad as I first thought. There’s a head wound and a scratch on his face, but the worst is that gash on the leg. I was for finishing the poor little bugger off.”

The physician examined the lad. “What happened?”

“Warrior massacre. The lads family all wiped out.”

“Strange he survived. He’s been hit on the head with a sword hilt, but whoever did it must have known it wasn’t hard enough to finish him off.” He unwrapped the crude bandage. “Nasty. Can you hold him while I stitch it up?”

“Yes.” Paul grabbed the struggling boy who obviously felt what was happening even though still unconscious. His cries made Paul feel sick. “Sorry lad but we have to. Soon be over.”

Soon the lad lay drained and still. The physician looked at Paul. “You taking care of him?”

Paul shrugged. “I guess so.”

“Then watch him. Change the dressing twice daily, bath it with this.” He handed Paul a bottle. “It should help to prevent infection. If he gets a fever, send for me. If he doesn’t wake up soon you might have to realise his mind and senses could be damaged from the blow to the head.”

Paul nodded. “What about the cut on his face?”

“It’s nothing. It’ll leave a small scar, nothing major. If I try to stitch it, it will scar worse. Just bathe it.”

“What do I tell him when he wakes and asks about his family?”

“What can you tell him but the truth? It’s the times we live in.” He looked at Paul. “Might have been better if you had put him out of his suffering.” Paul just prayed.

“No. Stop it. Leave them.” Niall tossed and turned. ‘Please God. It hurt ... hurts. Mam. Mam please stop it hurting.” Paul woke with a start. He had fallen asleep on a stool next to the lad. The boy was having a nightmare. Nervously he felt his forehead, relieved that it was quite cool, just damp with cold sweat. He got a damp cloth and wiped the sweat away. 

“Mam. Mam.” Niall’s eyes opened. He was in a room he didn’t recognise. It was too grand to be their cottage. The sheets that covered his body were fine linen, not the rough blankets he was used to. He gazed round, eyes coming to rest on a man sat next to him. The man was looking at him. He swallowed in fear. He was big, with close cropped dark hair. Fighter or soldier was written all over him, yet he had an almost kind smile and twinkling dark eyes.

“So, you’re awake…? How’s the head?”

“Hurting. Where’s me mam? I want me mam.” Niall felt a tear trickle down his cheek. He was conscious of sounding like a real baby, but if only his mam came - everything would be OK. The nagging feeling that something really bad had happened and that he couldn’t remember it - would go away if his mam was there.

Paul swallowed. He should tell the boy, but he was barely conscious. Probably still shocked. He needed to rest more. “She can’t come now lad. She wants you to sleep. What’s your name?”

“Ni. Niall.”

“Niall. I’m Paul and I’m staying with you.”

“Till mam comes back?” Niall’s hopeful voice made Paul feel like crying, but he just nodded. “But you have to go back to sleep, get your strength back. Will you do that?” Niall nodded, he was glad to close his eyes, fall into darkness that took the incessant pain away and the more incessant fear. Paul sighed with relief, but realised the next time Niall opened his eyes it wouldn’t be so easy.

Niall watched in horror as his mother fell, trying to protect her children. As his father yelled at him to go, to run. Warrior soldiers were all around. The clash of steel was deafening. He could smell the sweat and blood. Smell fear, his own fear. “NOOOOO!” He screamed grabbing the sword of a fallen warrior. The unfamiliar weapon felt strange in his hands, then he was making contact with flesh. He wanted to vomit. He had killed someone, but that someone had harmed his family.

His father was there fighting. He tried to help, but suddenly an immense pain hit his left thigh. Slicing. Burning hot. He cried out and fell to the floor. Watching as his blood flowed, a river of scarlet.

“NIALL!” His father was coming to him, oblivious to the sword that ran him through.

“NO FATHER.” The weight of his father’s body hit him. He could feel the blood and the warrior who had struck the blow was turning to him. He wriggled from under his father and grasped his sword. A sword he had practised with many times. He thrust wildly, realising he had made contact with the man’s face, then the sword was hurled from his hands. He lay waiting for the fatal blow, praying to his lord, but the man just lightly grazed his face under his eye with the tip of his sword. It stung and Niall felt the blood. The man watched him, grinning. “Finish the job then coward.” Niall would never beg for mercy.

“But the job is finished.” Pain shot through Niall’s head as something hard made contact with his skull and everything went black. Panting he awoke. The room was dark. The man was sat there watching him. “Easy lad. Niall, you’ve had a nightmare.”

Niall looked at him. “I dreamed of an attack on my family by warriors. They killed them all, apart from me.” He watched Paul’s reaction.

Paul bit his lip. Niall swallowed, and continued. “It wasn’t a dream was it? That’s why mam didn’t come. They’re all dead, aren’t they? Aren’t they?”

Paul nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry lad. We were checking the boundaries. We found your parent’s farm. I thought everyone was dead, but his lordship made us check. You were still alive by a miracle. His lordship ordered you to be brought here and your wounds tended to.”

“And my family?”

“They were buried last night. I’ll take you to the grave when you’re fit enough.”

Niall nodded. A tear trickled down his face. He tried to blink it back. “What’s wrong with me?”

‘You took a real blow to the head, and you’ve a deep sword wound in the left leg. But providing it doesn’t become infected - you’ll be fine in a while.”

“My face…”

“Just a scratch.” Niall nodded. 

“And what will become of me? I have no family. No money. I can’t afford this.”

“No one expects you to. His lordship wants to see you well. He’ll probably offer you a job.” Niall nodded. Something was bothering him, but he ignored it. It was probably the shock of losing his family. Another tear trickled down his nose. He turned away so Paul didn’t see it.

“Niall, it’s OK to cry. You’ve lost your family, been seriously injured. Tears don’t make you less of a man, but they help the pain.” Niall turned over with difficulty and buried his face in the pillow. His small body shook with the sobs, pain he had never felt in his 18 years. Paul crossed himself and rubbed the boy’s shoulder. It was little comfort but all he could do. And he had the feeling that Niall’s torment wasn’t over yet.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So .... This chapter contains *the* rape scene. I'll put exclamation marks (!) at the beginning and end of the rape scene, so if you do get triggered by it, please don't read. Ok? Ok.

Three weeks later.

Paul stood in Lord Richard’s private chamber. "How is the boy now?"

"Niall sir? Making a good physical recovery. The leg has almost healed, although the physician says he may always limp."

"Good. Is he walking?"

"Short distances sir. Of course, he’s still deeply traumatised by the deaths of his family."

"Of course. Does he talk about it?"

"Not much. But he stares into space for hours, and he doesn’t eat properly."

"He needs something to occupy him. I think I shall pay him a visit after supper."

"Yes sir." Paul had thought it was strange that the lord had spent so much money on getting Niall well, yet hadn’t even looked at him.

After Paul had left Lord Richard smiled to himself. He had been very impatient these last few weeks. To know Niall was laid in a bed in his own house and not to be able to touch him. That would change soon.

"He’s in here sir." Niall heard the voices outside his door. He stiffened at the sound of Lord Richard’s voice. He had never given it a thought. "His lordship" - the tragic events of that day had erased the memories of the scenes with the lord from Niall’s mind, but the uneasy feeling was back with him.

Lord Richard entered the tiny room. Niall was laid in his bed wearing a nightshirt that Paul had found. The room was clean and tidy. Niall was clean and tidy, but not the lively figure Richard had seen in the kitchen garden that day. He was pale, thin, a small scar on one cheek just under his eye. His blond hair needed cutting and his beautiful blue eyes were full of sadness. An almost full bowl of stew was on the floor next to the bed. Paul sighed when he saw it. It was too common an occurrence lately.

"Niall this is Lord Richard - who’s generosity has been taking care of you for the past weeks."

Niall recognised the man, and a shiver went down his spine, but he tried to rise. "Thank you sir."

"Stay put Niall, and it's no problem. I came to offer my condolences for the loss of your family. I’m sorry I was too late to help them."

"It's not your fault sir. The fault is with the warrior cowards who attacked them." Niall felt his eyes grow wet again.

"But even so, it is a hard time for you. Has Paul been taking good care of you?"

"Yes sir."

"But you’ve not eaten your supper? You need to grow strong."

"I’m sorry sir. I have no appetite."

"You need a change of scene. Something to do. Have you thought what you wish to do when you are well?"

"No sir. I need to find a job to repay your kindness. I’m used to farming."

"No Niall, there is no need for that. Do you recall I once offered you a job as my servant? That offer is open."

"Thank you sir. But ... I wish to join the armies and avenge my family’s deaths. As soon as I’ve paid you for your kindness, I will go to Mullingar."

Richard thought quickly. "A noble ambition, but you do not have to pay me back. Just serve me until the physician finds you fit. Then you may go. Is that not a fair deal?"

"More than fair sir." Yet, Niall felt sick.

"As soon as your stitches are removed I will summon you. I must go now Niall, but I look forward to working with you." He left Paul fussing round Niall, trying to get him to eat. The lord smiled an evil smile. He had plans for Niall, and they didn’t include fighting for his beliefs. Ever!

(A/N: You may stop reading here, if you get easily triggered. You may scroll down to the last bit of the chapter to Liam, Zayn and Harry.)

"Get dressed Niall, his lordship wants to see you. Here are some clothes." Niall dressed reluctantly. Ever since the previous day when his stitches had been removed to much cursing and yelping, he had known this was coming. He examined the clothes, they were of fine linen and wool and fitted perfectly. 

"You look like a gentleman Niall, apart from the hair." Paul tried to tidy the wayward locks. Niall had a curl in his hair and the length made it obvious. "I think we’ll have to cut this. But there isn’t time now. Can you climb the stairs with that leg?"

"Yes sir."

His leg was aching by the time they got to the private chambers. And his heart was thumping. Paul knocked on the door and entered when bidden to do so. "I’ve brought Niall as you asked sir."

"Excellent. You may leave us." Niall watched as the door closed and his last hope deserted him.

The man was looking him up and down. "How are you Niall?"

"Fine sir."

Richard approached him. "You seem tense Niall."

"I’m just wondering how I could possibly serve you .. here? Nothing needs doing."

The man smiled. "In good time Niall. Sit down, here on the bed." Niall’s legs obeyed as his mind was screaming no, but he was naïve. He still didn’t know what the lord’s intent was. He sat on the edge of the bed, flinching as the man sat next to him.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I have waited a long time for this day Niall. You are so beautiful. Even this scar cannot detract from that." Niall tensed as the man ran a gentle hand down his face. "I remember the first time I saw your body. I wanted it to be mine. And now it is." His hands moved lower, unlacing the shirt.

Niall wasn’t entirely sure what was happening, but he knew he didn’t like it. "Please sir. Please stop."

"Stop! Niall, I haven’t started yet. I want you, and you owe me. This is the perfect solution." He was tugging the shirt over Niall’s head now. The cool air in the chamber made Niall shiver and his nipples harden. Lord Richard gasped. He tentatively ran his finger over the hard bud. Niall shuddered. "Oh how beautiful."

"No, please. No."

"Niall, you haven’t experienced love yet, have you? Didn’t your father tell you about sex?"

"Not with another man." Niall gasped.

"That doesn’t matter. I want to hold you, touch you, taste you. Your sweet young body. I want to fuck you."

"No ... Please." Niall realised in horror that the man’s hands were running over his stomach and fumbling with the ties that held up his overpants. "No."

"Niall, be quiet. I want you. And I get what I want. Do you want me to kill you?"

"I don’t care." Niall was panting now.

"But you will. It won’t be quick and painless like your family died. It will be agonisingly slow. And I’ll fuck you before you die anyway. When you’re too weak to resist. Far better to let me now." Niall began to cry. The man pushed him back on the white bed and held his hands tight over his head. He began to kiss his way down Niall’s body, sucking the hard nipples. Biting. Licking. 

After what seemed an age, he turned Niall on his stomach. "This bit may hurt a little."

"No." With the weight of the man off him, Niall seized his chance and ran for the door, but his leg gave way. He lay on the floor as the man advanced, smiling. 

"I like spirit Niall. I saw that in you from the beginning." He lifted the boy onto the bed and tied him to the bedposts. "Sorry but until you learn."

Not wasting time with preliminaries he thrust into the boy. Niall screamed in pain. It was worse than the pain in his leg, a thousand times. He realised now why his father had gone to such lengths to protect him. The tears came thick and fast as the man fucked him. He felt warmth run into him, and the tearing pain was gone. Leaving his body sore and burning.

Lord Richard laughed. It had been better than his wildest dreams, and the fact that Niall had been a virgin made it sweeter to him. He dressed and looked at the trembling boy, running his hand over his smooth backside and thighs. He smiled at the blood that collected on his fingers, and turned Niall’s head so he could see it.

"That’s your blood Niall. You gave yourself to me with it. It’s a sign that I own you." Niall shook his head. "Get used to it Niall." He looked at the semen and bloodstained sheets in distaste, and called Paul. Paul took one look, the shaking form of the boy tied to the bed. The evidence of sex and Niall’s lost virginity over the bed and wanted to vomit. He should have realised.

"Take him and clean him. Make sure the room is tidy and clean too."

"What in the holy name of God have you done to him?"

"What does it look like? He’s an ignorant peasant. What other ways could he possibly repay my kindness? I want him here daily after sunset. We’re just getting to know each other." The man’s face grew dark. "And if you ever question my actions again, you will watch. And then watch me kill him, before you die yourself. Do you understand?"

Paul swallowed. "Yes sir."

"Good. Now hurry up. And stop him wailing."

Paul waited until the door closed and then approached the bed. "Niall. Niall. Sshh. It's me, Paul." He gently untied the boy. Niall contracted into a ball holding himself, trying to ease the pain.

"Niall." Paul touched his shoulder.

"No. Leave me. Not again."

"It's me - Paul. I’m going to pick you up and take you to your room, OK? Don’t make a noise."

As soon as Niall felt the arms round him he clung to Paul, burying his face in his chest. "It's OK Niall’ he soothed. "When you’re in your room, you can cry. I won’t stop you."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Niall was silent as Paul took him downstairs. Paul lay him on his bed whilst he filled the bathtub with warm water. "Niall, this will sting. OK? But it will feel better." He gently sat the boy in the water. Niall cried out as the water touched his ravaged insides, but Paul was right. It soothed the pain. He hugged his knees, staring at his hands. "Why?" he said finally.

"Because he wanted you, and he’s a cruel bastard."

"I didn’t know ... That men ... did it with each other?"

Paul tried not to smile. "Sometimes they do, Niall."

"Why? It hurts!" Niall’s voice was plaintive. Paul really had to fight the smile back.

"What he did to you Niall. You have to understand. That wasn’t love. That was lust and power. But when two people are in love ... whether it's with a man or woman. It’s the most beautiful experience on earth."

"It still hurts."

"No it doesn’t Niall, because they’re so careful and gentle." Paul was out of his depths – the facts of life to an 18 year old who had just had his virginity taken in the most awful way possible, but he had to try and make Niall see there was more to it that just fucking. "They play games with each other first. Touch each other. Do things that make the body get excited. It only feels pleasure ... and if it does hurt a little. Well everything else makes up for that. That’s love Niall."

Niall bit his lip, unconvinced. Paul helped him out of the bathtub and handed him a towel. "Try and sleep, Niall. The soreness will soon go."

Niall shivered. "Do you do that? Make love?"

Paul blushed. "Yes Niall." He finally answered.

"With men or women?"

"Women." Paul had to be honest. "But I have, once or twice, with men. Out in battle you get very close."

"Oh." Niall didn’t know what else to say, the tears started to fall. "Paul?"

"What now?"

"Will you hold me ... till I fall asleep?"

"You want me to?"

"Yes."

"OK." He pulled Niall tightly to him. He was just a child. "Now sleep." When Niall was fast asleep he emptied the water and went to clean the lord’s room. As he stripped the stained sheets he was filled with a fury. One day he would make the evil lord pay.

Niall was fast asleep, whimpering and tossing. Tears streaking his face. Paul realised how much he had come to care for the lad, and how much he had lost. Was there anything else left for him to lose?

Liam was getting angry, very angry. They had arrived back at Mullingar and were training together, or supposed to be. But he had the feeling Zayn and Harry weren’t taking it seriously. He was fencing with Zayn, surprised at the Dubliner’s speed and dexterity - but he had the feeling he was more interested in what Harry and Anto were doing.

It was a warm day and they were passing the time by swimming in the river. Harry was stripped off to his undershorts and the water sparkled off his broad tanned back. He was laughing at something Anto had said, and it was plain that Zayn’s attention was wandering. Liam saw his chance. He hooked the sword out of Zayn’s hand and forced him against the wall. The point of the sword pressing through Zayn’s tunic.

"Ow! Liam, you swine. That hurts."

"If I’d have been a warrior then you’d be dead now!" Zayn was shocked at the venom in Liam’s brown eyes, and his tone. He released Zayn who lifted his tunic to see blood from Liam’s sword. In a fury he ran after the retreating figure of Liam and leapt on him. Liam had quick reflexes, but they weren’t quick enough. He gasped as Zayn caught him off balance and they began to wrestle. 

Zayn was angry. OK, injuries happened in training but Liam had deliberately drawn blood. Something about the young soldier’s attitude infuriated the Dublin boy and it boiled over. But Liam was no stranger to hand to hand combat, Anto had trained him well. both him and Nicky were well matched and neither could gain the advantage. But both were collecting bruises from being thrown onto the hard ground.

At first neither Anto or Harry took much notice. They thought the young soldiers were engaged in horseplay. It would do Liam good. He was too aloof and serious since Michael died, but Nicholas riding by realised the deadly seriousness of the match. OK, neither lad would want to kill the other - but they were both fiercely competitive and neither would give in.

"Liam. Zayn. Break. Now." He didn’t want to get in the middle of it, he would come off it worse. "Anto. Harry. Come and help me."

They ran over and with much dodging blows and cursing managed to separate the two lads. Zayn had a large lump forming on his forehead and Liam’s nose was bleeding. "What the hell is going on?"

"I’ll tell you! I’m fed up with his attitude. He just drew blood on purpose!" Zayn lifted his tunic and showed them the wound. ’

"You baby! If it had been a warrior, you’d be dead. Not a pin prick of a scratch."

"That’s not the point. You’re supposed to be on our side. And isn’t that what training’s about ... to learn from mistakes?!’

"Well, I just taught you a lesson then."

"Stop it the pair of you." Nicholas interjected. "Liam, why the hell did you do that?"

"To teach him to pay attention. Instead of drooling over his boyfriend."

The words were out. Harry groaned, but Anto and Nicholas didn’t bat an eyelid. Zayn lost it however.

"So _that’s_ your problem? You don’t like the idea of me and Harry. Why? Does the idea of two men make you sick?"

To his surprise, Liam laughed. A curiously hollow laugh. "You are so stupid and so wrong. I couldn’t give a shit who you fuck, but when it's your right hand man, it could get you killed. And the rest of us."

"I didn’t think you cared about dying. After all, you don’t live do you? Your only existence is to fight and kill. That’s not living."

Liam looked as though he was about to jump on Zayn again. "You have no idea!"

"Then tell me. How can I understand if you don’t talk? We have to live together. Fight together. Possibly die together. We need each other."

"No. You need Harry. I need no-one." He wiped the blood off his face. "I was proving a point. That love will get you killed. Next time - I won’t bother. I’m going to clean up."

He walked back to the castle. Zayn made to follow, but Nicholas stopped him. "Leave him. He needs to calm down."

"Your brother is a bastard. Pure and simple." Harry put an arm round Zayn.

"Do you have a problem with us being a couple?"

Nicholas couldn’t stop the laughter. "Oh, don’t you do that too."

"We don’t have a problem. And neither does Liam. Believe me."

"Then what is his problem?"

Nicholas bit his lip. It wasn’t exactly a secret, but he didn’t want to betray Liam. On the other hand, they may just understand Liam and tolerate him more if they knew what hell he lived in. He made a decision. "Liam ... Liam was in love until a few months ago. With Michael, his best friend. We all knew about it. It was as near perfect love as possible. Then one day in battle, Liam’s attention wandered a split second. A warrior was there. Michael got between them. He died almost instantly. Liam... Liam vowed not to fight for freedom, but for vengeance. And he vowed never to love again. His heart died with Michael. That’s why he’s like he is."

Both Dublin lads were silent. "Do we ... we make it worse ... you know ... being together?"

"I don’t know Harry, but he has to learn to live with others loving, even if he won’t. So that’s why. OK?"

"Sure."

"It's hard. Liam used to be like you two. So happy in love. It hurts me so much to see him like this. I want my brother back so much." Nicholas wiped away his tears.

Anto had gone after Liam. He found him washing his face. "There was no call for that, Liam."

"Their soppiness will get us all killed."

"I don’t think it's that. I think you can’t bear to see them in love."

"That’s rubbish. I just don’t want to get killed because they’re daydreaming about fucking each other."

"No, Liam. I know you. You may forget that, that I watched you grow from a tiny innocent baby to a curious toddler to a loving child to a brave teenager happy in love. You’re not yourself Liam. Michael wouldn’t want you to be like this. He’d want you to love again. That would be more important than avenging his death."

"What do you know about what he’d want?"

"I watched him grow too, Liam. I taught him as I taught you. If it had been you who died, he would grieve and mourn you ... but he would have stayed the lad you fell in love with."

"What are you trying to say Anto?"

"That you’re a stranger. I don’t know you. Your brothers don’t know you, and Michael wouldn’t know you."

"Then get to know me. Because this is Liam Payne, not some stupid lovesick fool."

"Liam, if you continue down this road ... you’ll be sad and lonely as you grow old alone. Let people in."

"So I can lose them again? No, and with any luck - I’ll die before I grow old. Now leave me, I want to rest."

Anto left. He had tried. Liam was dead, the real Liam anyway.

Liam looked at his reflection. He didn’t like what he saw. Maybe Anto was right. Maybe it was seeing Zayn and Harry in love. Maybe he was ... lonely.

"No, you’re not. You need no one. Now sleep!" He closed his eyes, and went back to a time where Michael was alive. And love existed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you decided to jump to Liam when I said so, here's what you "missed," 
> 
> -Niall loses his virginity in the most horrific way.  
> -Paul bathes Niall after Lord Richard assaulted Niall.  
> -Paul tells Niall of love, and that it can be beautiful between two men, because they won't hurt each other.


	5. Chapter 5

Paul looked worriedly at Niall. It was a few weeks later, and Niall was showing signs of breaking down. Every night he had to take him to Lord Richard’s bedchamber, feeling as though he was taking a lamb to the slaughter. And he collected him in the early hours, taking him back to his room in tears where he washed and tended him then held him whilst he fell asleep. Paul knew the physical pain was lessening. He had stopped crying when he bathed him, but the emotional pain was killing Niall. He had nothing in his life. The sorrow of his family’s death and the nightmare of the sexual abuse that he suffered nightly. Paul was the only good thing in Niall’s life.

It wasn’t sexual in the least. Paul preferred women, and Niall was so mixed up and confused he didn’t know what he wanted. He didn’t know what love was. But Paul felt almost fatherly to Niall, he took care of Niall when Niall wasn’t capable of caring for himself. Made sure he ate, enough to keep him alive anyway. Tried to make him smile.

"Come on. Down to the kitchen."

"Don’t want to."

"I’ve something to show you." Reluctantly, Niall followed Paul downstairs. Mary the servant looked up in surprise. Niall was an enigma in the house. They rarely saw him, yet knew the lord treated him like a son. New clothes were always arriving and Paul was his 24 hour aide. The rumour was that Niall was so traumatised by the death of his family he couldn’t face the world. Mary smiled. His lordship had gone up in the estimation of his people, taking on that troubled soul.

"Look in front of the fire." NIall looked. In a crate were 4 kittens. Mary’s cat had recently given birth. Despite himself, Niall smiled. "They’re sweet, aren’t they?"

Niall nodded. Mary touched his arm. "Go sit by the fire. Hold them." Niall looked at Paul.

"Go on son." Niall sat and was soon lost in the wonder of the kittens. Mary heated some milk and looked at Paul.

"The lad needs feeding up."

Paul nodded. "I know. I wish ... I wish we could go from here. Where he could make a fresh start."

"You care about him?"

"Yes. I’ve taken care of him for weeks Mary. And that’s the first time I’ve seen him anything like happy." He gestured to where Niall was laughing at the kittens, picking them up, kissing them.

"He needs to love something."

"And be loved. Niall, drink this milk."

Niall wandered over and looked at Mary. "Are you keeping them?"

"A couple of them lad, and the others have homes already. Their mother’s a great mouser." She casually put some bread and cheese in front of both him and Paul. Niall was that interested in the kittens he didn’t even notice he was eating it. Paul smiled.

"Tell you what lad. Come down again and pick the two I should keep."

"Can I?" Paul laughed.

"Of course. Now come on. You need to bathe." Soon the sun would be down, but he had at least made Niall smile for a short time. But Paul’s deputy had seen and he was jealous of Paul. He saw a way out. All it would take was a whisper in Lord Richard’s ear.

Paul was whistling as he was summoned to his lordship the next morning. Niall was fast asleep. "You want me and John to go where?"

"Dublin."

"But it’s a long journey. What about Niall?"

"Niall will be fine. Francis will take care of him. You’re employed for security after all. I’ve asked you to spend too much time babysitting."

"I’ll tell Niall."

"No. Fran will do that! You and John must leave now."

They had been riding about 2 hours when John stopped the horse. "What's the matter?"

"End of the road. For you anyway." He relieved Paul of his sword.

"What the fuck?"

"His lordship knows ... about you and his little toyboy."

"Hey?"

"Niall... that you’ve been doing more than kissing him better. That you’ve been fucking him."

Paul laughed. "That’s ridiculous. Niall’s like a son to me."

"You’re too close. My orders are to get rid of you." Paul felt fear. Not for himself, but for Niall. Then he felt nothing except a sharp pain as the sword ran through him, and he fell into blackness. John smiled and rode back.

Niall was worried. Paul had been gone all day, and Fran wasn’t good company. As the sun began to set he grew fretful, then John appeared. "Come on Niall, to the master." The man had a wicked gleam in his eyes.

Sex was soon over. Niall waited to be dismissed. "Paul won’t be coming for you tonight. In fact he won’t be coming for you again, Niall."

"What do you mean sir?"

"I mean I found out. About him and you."

"Him and me?"

"Don’t play stupid. He was fucking you. I couldn’t have that."

"He wasn’t." Niall was aghast at such a thought. "He ... he was kind to me."

"I bet. Well, he’s dead now." Niall let out a cry. His only friend gone. "Now I have to decide what to do about you. Oh stop that noise." Niall wiped his eyes. He could cry in his chamber. The evil lord was speaking.

"You see, Niall. You’re ... soiled, and I don’t want soiled goods. There are plenty of innocent young boys for me to choose."

"You took my innocence."

Richard slapped him across the face. "You are not in a position for insolence. You betrayed my trust. Paul has paid with his life. How shall you pay?"

Then he smiled. "I’ve spent a lot of money on you Niall. I need it back, and I don’t want you any more. You bore me. John, come in here."

John was there, a sadistic smile on his face. "John. You know you dealt with that little matter for me this afternoon ..."

"Yes."

"I want you to finish it off for me. I want you to take Niall."

"... and kill him your lordship."

"No, I don’t want you to. Although Niall may wish I’d let you. I want you to take Niall to the slave market tomorrow. Get what you can for him." He laughed at Niall. "Though probably no one will want you. Scarred and limping. Tell them he’s good in bed. That should do the trick!"

Niall stood frozen. "No. No." Richard hadn’t finished. "Oh, and you might like to tell Niall how you killed Paul on the way."

"You bastard. You bastard."

"Take him to his room."

John looked at him. "Can I have some fun with him tonight?"

Richard considered. "Yes. As long as you don’t hurt him. I’ll get little enough for him as it is. Goodbye Niall. It's been a pleasure."

John dragged Niall to his room and threw him on the bed. "You know... Paul said he never touched you. And you know something else? I know he didn’t. I told his lordship that he did. It was a lie."

"Why?"

"Because he was the master's favourite. I wanted to get rid of him. You were just the innocent pawn. Now let's get on with it."

He raped Niall on the bed where Paul had rocked him to sleep so many nights. Then early next morning, he dragged the boy out and sold him for a few pieces of silver. The rest of the servants never knew. They thought Paul and Niall had run away. Mary stroked the kittens. "I hope the poor little soul finds happiness wherever he ends up."

2 months later.

"Godforsaken Mullingar weather." Harry muttered as they rode through the rain towards Mullingar castle. It was June, supposedly summer - but the rains were heavy.

Liam looked back. "And it will be better in Dublin I suppose?"

"Can’t be worse. And I don’t remember it raining every day in Dublin!"

"You could always go back." Liam’s voice was sharp. He was itching for an argument. The warriors had been too quiet of late and he was full of pent up aggression!

"I might just do that. The people are friendlier too."

Zayn sighed. Harry could never resist rising to the bait, and over two months with Liam had taught Zayn it wasn’t worth it.

"Feel free then."

Zayn was about to step in when he realised the bridge ahead of them had been washed away. He turned to Nicholas. "What now?"

"No choice. We have to ride through the town."

"Great, just great." Liam cursed and turned his horse. The conversation was over.

Meanwhile in Mullingar town.

"Get yourself up you idle bastard." Niall yelped as the man kicked him in the ribs. "You’ve got work to do. No work, no food."

Niall sighed. Food. That was a joke. What his new ‘master’ considered food. Not that Niall was ever hungry. Most days, he just prayed. Prayed to die. He shook the lad on the pile of straw next to him. "Sean. Wake up." Sean moaned. He was sick, had influenza. As had Niall, but Niall had been lucky. It was turning to pneumonia with Sean, only neither of them knew it.

It had been 2 months since Lord Richard had ordered Niall to be sold. John had sold Niall to another corrupt lord, who had taken a fancy to Niall’s looks. Again the routine was sex. Only there was no Paul to get him through it. But the house wasn’t as well organised and Niall made a run for it the first opportunity. Only to get caught a few miles from the house. His punishment had been a beating, and the sadistic lord had enjoyed it so much he beat Niall for nothing on a regular basis. So Niall escaped again and again. OK, he got caught and beaten, but he got beaten anyway and one day he might just make it. But the lord got sick of it, and sold Niall on to a nobleman in the next village. 

Simon just wanted men to build his properties. Sex wasn’t the issue, which was the only mercy for Niall. The work was hard, and the foreman Rob was harsh. All Niall could do was pray to die.

"The cart wasn’t cleaned last night. Whose turn was it?" Rob was holding his whip.

Niall looked at Sean out of the corner of his eye. It had been his but he hadn’t been well enough, and Niall had fallen asleep before he could do it. But Sean couldn’t take a beating in his condition. Niall stepped forward. "Mine, sir."

Rob smiled. "I know it wasn’t, but that’s a noble gesture. Shirt off boy. You get 6 licks instead of him and 6 for lying. And he can have 6 anyway for letting you."

"You bastard."

"That’s another 6."

Niall bit his lip. He was used to the pain, but 18 at once almost killed him. He could barely crawl to the cart. Sean was fighting for breath alongside him. "Thank ... thanks for ... trying ... Niall."

"Just hang on mate."

Niall could barely lift the timber. His back hurt so much. It was raining, and he kept slipping in the sea of mud. Soon he was covered in it. Then the cart got stuck. The horse just couldn’t get a footing. Rob untied it. "You two ... get this cart moved." Niall strained and struggled. It was no use. Then without a cry, Sean collapsed. 

"Sean." Ignoring the whip that fell across his back, he crawled to his friend. "Sean. Wake up." Niall knew deep down he wouldn’t. That he was dead. "No. No. Lord... why?" He tried to drag his friend’s body out of the mud. At that moment his faith deserted him. He was supposed to be on the right side, worship the right God, yet that God kept making him suffer. Taking his family, sending him to people who were also supposed to be on the side of good and yet who kept abusing him. Weak from beatings and lack of food, drained emotionally - he collapsed into the mud.

"Get up you useless bastard. Get up!" He heard the words, felt the whip but it was as if he was watching from a distance. Nothing mattered anymore.

It was Nicholas who saw the scene first. He sighed. He hated the slavery that still went on, but it was none of his business. "Wait!" Liam’s voice rang out. "What's happening there?"

"Nothing to do with us Liam. Ride on!"

"Hell I will." Liam might have been heartless, merciless in battle - but he couldn’t bear any form of cruelty. And this was more than cruelty. "What the fuck do you think you are doing to him? Leave him at once."

The man looked up. Some jumped up young soldier in fancy robes. "Nothing to do with you young sir. My slave needs a lesson teaching, that’s all."

"How to die? Because you’ll kill him. Leave him I said. Now!" Liam was very close now. To Nicholas and Anto’s horror he drew his sword. 

Rob saw the gleam in Liam’s eyes and backed off. "This isn’t legal."

Liam ignored him and dismounted. With his eyes still on Rob he reached the fallen slaves. One was dead. The other opened his eyes and moaned at Liam’s touch. Liam looked down at the boy and was surprised. He was younger than himself. Blue eyes gazed fearfully at him. Liam gasped. The boy had beautiful eyes. Ocean blue, or would have been if they had not been dulled with pain and fear. They reminded him of Michael’s eyes. He looked away.

Niall wasn’t focusing properly. The pain was too great. All he saw were soft brown eyes. Eyes to drown in.

"Anto. Here now!" Anto did as he asked. Liam’s behaviour was confusing him. It was Liam all right. The old Liam. He gazed at the boy. "Look at his back Anto. What do you think?"

Anto looked. The boy’s tattered shirt gaped open revealing whip marks. Some old, some fresh and bleeding. His shirt was stuck to him. Anto crossed himself. "I think he’s not going to get up without help Liam."

"Leave my slave alone!"

"You don’t have the right to have him, or anyone else. I treat my horse better than you’ve treated this boy. He needs help."

"My lordship paid good money for him."

"How much?" Liam was reaching in his saddlebag.

"Liam."

"Shut up Anto. How much did you pay for him?"

"8 silver crowns."

Liam flung the contents of his money bag at him. "There’s 10 there. Give it to your lordship, or tell him they both died and keep the money yourself. I don’t care. But you’re not touching him again."

The man took one look at Niall and greed made his mind up. The boy wasn’t going to survive anyway. "Deal!" He reached for the money.

"What’s his name?"

"I don’t know." And the man was gone to harness his horse up.

Anto bent to the boy. He was staring with frightened eyes. "It's OK son. You’re safe now." Then Anto looked at Liam. "Well, what are you going to do now?"

"Me?" Liam was incredulous.

"Yes, you. You interfered. You paid for him. Looks like you’ve got yourself a slave. And you can’t leave him here."

"Anto. I ... I don’t know. Take him back to the castle, I suppose. Will you help me lift him?" Anto nodded. Despite the sickening scene they’d just witnessed and the seriousness of the boy’s condition - he wanted to laugh. Liam had shown the first signs of humanity he’d seen for months, and he obviously hadn’t considered the consequences of his actions.

"OK son. I know it hurts. I’m going to lift you onto my horse and take you somewhere warm and dry." Anto didn’t want to think about the journey. It would be agony for the lad, but there was no choice. Niall cried out as Anto lifted him then slumped into unconsciousness. The pain too much for him. Anto was relieved - he just hoped he stayed unconscious for the journey.

Zayn and Harry had watched the scene in a mixture of shock, horror and amazement. Once more, Liam proved to be unfathomable. Kindness to a slave was the last thing they’d expected. They exchanged looks. Nicholas was smiling. He had thought the old Liam gone forever. He prayed the blue eyed stranger would survive, for somehow he felt he would be the key to returning the brother he loved so well.

All Liam could do was ride behind Anto, listening to him talk softly to the boy, even if he couldn’t hear a word. He hadn’t meant to do that ... but those blue eyes. "Oh Lord. What have I done?"


	6. Chapter 6

As soon as they got to Mullingar castle Anto took the boy upstairs, calling to Liam to follow him. Nicholas grinned as he took their horses. He had a feeling Liam was about to get an almighty lesson in responsibility.

"Where are we going?"

"Your bedchamber."

"Anto. Why?"

"Where the hell do you think he’s going to sleep? In the stables?"

"No, but I thought ... maybe your chambers."

"Oh no Liam, you got yourself into this. Unless you want me to take him back to Mullingar, give him back to that bastard?"

Liam shook his head. He followed Anto into his chamber and watched as his mentor lay the boy on his bed. "Come here Liam, there’s work to be done."

"Like what?"

"Well, we’ll get him out of these wet clothes and bathe his back. Then see if he’s up to telling us who he is. Get some warm water."

Liam went downstairs to ask for the water to be heated. Harry and Zayn were in the kitchen, drinking hot drinks, they smiled when Liam came in.

"How is he?"

"Don’t know. He’s too covered in mud and blood to tell at the minute."

"That was a good thing you did today Liam." Zayn looked at him with new respect.

"Was it? More like a bloody foolish thing." Liam shook his head and disappeared with the water.

Niall was tossing and turning, his back was on fire. "Please ... don’t touch me ... it hurts."

"I know lad but this shirt has got to come off. Liam, come and help."

"How?"

"Hold him steady. The blood’s dried."

Niall whimpered as Liam gently held him. "It's OK, soon be over." He forced a smile. "What’s your name?"

"N. Niall."

"Hi Niall. I’m Liam, and that oaf trying not to hurt you is Anto."

"Th ... thank you, sir."

"For what?"

"Not ... le ... letting him hurt me ... again."

"That was nothing. Are you done Anto?"

"Well, his back’s clean."

Liam smiled at Niall and dipped a cloth in the warm water. "Let's clean some of this mud off your face, see what you look like." He gently wiped the mud away. Niall lay quite still. It felt nice, but he knew better than to trust. Any minute now this stranger could be forcing himself upon him. Liam sensed the tension in Niall’s body, he actually got a shock when all the mud was gone. Niall was beautiful. Far too thin, but beautiful. He touched the mud that was still matted in Niall’s blond hair.

"That needs washing but I think it will have to wait till you’ve rested. Are you hungry?"

Niall shook his head. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been hungry. All he wanted to do was sleep.

Anto spoke softly. "I’ll get Zayn or Harry to bring some warm milk up, then Niall can sleep. I need to talk to you."

Niall was drifting into soft dreamland. He heard low voices and opened his eyes. A young raven haired man a couple of years older than himself was holding a mug. "Hello Niall. I’m Zayn. Can you drink this?"

When Niall nodded, he helped him to rise slightly. Niall swallowed, he was thirsty. Zayn smiled and sat down. "You just sleep Niall. I’ll wait here till Liam gets back."

"So what did you want Anto?" Liam looked at the man who had to all intents and purposes raised him.

"I don’t think you’ll be getting much sleep for a while, Liam. I’m not too happy with Niall's back. I think ... well, it looks like there’s signs of infection."

"Are you saying he’ll die?" Liam was straight to the point.

"I don’t know, but I think he’ll be ill. Do you want to change bedchambers?"

"You said Niall was my responsibility!"

"Which he is, but I didn’t realise he was so sick."

"No Anto. I ‘bought’ him. I will look after him. I’ll take some spare bedding and sleep on the floor..."

Anto smiled. Liam was proud, but a couple of minutes later he was back, clutching his blankets. 

"Anto?"

"Yes Liam."

"If he really gets sick ... can I call you? I don’t know what to do."

"Of course you can Liam. Although all that we may be able to do is pray."

Liam lay on the floor, unable to sleep - and it wasn’t just because he was laid on the hard floor. Niall was fast asleep in the bed, twitching and whimpering in his sleep. But not even that was what was keeping Liam awake. It was feelings, feelings he had long since abandoned. Yet he was awake wondering. Wondering just who the blond stranger was, what hell he had gone through - for it was obvious he had gone through hell. Wondering if he would survive. He was frightened by the pain that the thought he wouldn’t generated. "Of course he’ll survive. He’s had a beating that’s all." He told himself. But he remembered the scars on the young body. Anto had pointed out the long scar on the boy’s thigh. "He’s done some fighting - whoever he is."

And the scar on his otherwise perfect face. Liam remembered thinking as he washed the mud away - how it was proof he wasn’t an angel sent from heaven. He shook his head and hid under the blankets. He must be going crazy.

He must have drifted off to sleep because if a person isn’t asleep, he can’t be woken up. And he was rudely awakened some hours later by terrified screams. Niall was thrashing about the bed. "Let me go. Don’t do that! No! Paul. Help me, Paul!"

"Niall, it's all right. No one’s going to hurt you." He felt Niall’s forehead – it was burning. "Oh great. A fever." He poured some water from the jug into the bowl and dipped a cloth in it. "It's all right. Just relax." He sponged the boy’s forehead. "I’m here. Just relax."

Anto heard Niall’s screams. He wanted to go and check if he was all right, if Liam was all right, but he knew the best thing was to wait until Liam called him.

Liam sat all night, sponging Niall, calming him. Whispering to him as he whispered to his horses. As dawn broke and Niall quietened for a while, Shane fell asleep over the bed. That was how Anto found him - his head on Niall’s chest. He smiled. A part of him hoped that having someone to take care of would change Liam back into the boy he loved so well. He felt Niall. He was hot, too hot. He gently shook Liam.

"Liam. Wake up."

"Uh.. where." He opened his eyes and remembered. "How’s Niall?"

"He has a fever. Why didn’t you call me?"

"Because I could handle it."

"Well I’ll send for the physician." Liam snorted. "I know what you think of the physician, but he has medicines to reduce fever."

"Whatever you think." He went to wash then came back. Anto had been washing Niall, the boy’s teeth were chattering as the chills shook him. "Anto, do you think he’ll live?"

"I don’t know Liam. He’s young. His body should soon heal - but he’s been through hell. Maybe he doesn’t want to live." He wrapped Niall in a blanket and looked at Liam. "Why do you ask that?"

"Because ... last night, when I couldn’t sleep ... I was cursing you for making him sleep in my room. And I remembered when I was 11 and given that puppy, and you made me sit up all night with it because it was so sick. But it was my responsibility."

"Oh yes. I remember."

"And it got well."

"Became the best retriever on the hunt!"

"He was my best friend. When he died, Michael held me all night. I was crying so much. That dog was my friend. Niall reminds me of him."

Liam didn’t say anything else - he didn’t have to. Anto looked at him. "Shadow was your best friend until Michael. Maybe Niall will be your best friend?"

Liam swung round. "No he won’t, Anto. I don’t need a friend. The Lord only takes them from me. I’m not going to risk it. Can you stay with Niall? I’m going for a ride."

Anto nodded and sat down next to the bed. "Guess I blew that one lad. Liam’s had a sad life really, but I reckon you have too. And I reckon the Lord moves in mysterious ways." Niall just sighed. A tear appearing under his lashes.

Liam galloped across the land, the wind bringing tears to his eyes. It had to be the wind. He would never cry again. "You don’t need him Liam, you don’t need him." But as they got to the top of the hill over looking the castle he shouted out. "Please God. Don’t let him die."

The physician sighed as he examined the boy in the bed. "Not too good sir."

Anto looked at him. "Can you do anything for him?"

"I can give you some medicine, but his back is infected and he was weak first. No proper food in him for months. He’s no strength."

"Does he have a chance?"

"Everyone has a chance. Some more than others. Bathe his back. Keep him cool. Make him drink the medicine and pray. That’s all I can say."

Anto nodded. "Will you be back to see him?"

The man accepted the silver and shook his head. "No. It will be a waste of your silver. He’ll either live or die."

Anto nodded. He had left Zayn and Harry sat with the boy. Liam was nowhere to be seen. Running from his demons, no doubt. He opened the medicine and sniffed it then gagged. "Jesus Niall, that’ll kill or cure you. Poor little bugger."

Liam hurried back to the castle. He’d been gone longer than he thought. Anto was in the kitchen asking the servant to make clear broth. He looked up at Liam. "You missed the physician."

"I’m sorry. What did he say?"

"Not much. He doesn’t think there’s a lot of hope. He thinks Niall was too weak from before the beating to stand this infection."

Liam froze. "Can’t the old quack do anything?"

"He left some medicine. But there’s not a great deal else."

"Why aren’t you with him?"

"Drop that tone, Liam. I’m trying to get something for him to eat, so he could maybe get a little stronger and fight this. Zayn and Harry are with him." Liam nodded almost ashamed.

"Are you going up to him now?"

"Yes."

"Well take this," he handed him the bottle. "You have to get that into him. And good luck."

"Come on Niall, just swallow this." Niall was only semi conscious but the smell was enough. He twisted away from Liam, and Liam was surprised at his strength. Of course fever leant strength. Frightened of spilling the precious liquid Liam set the goblet down. "Lord, I thought _I_ was stubborn."

Anto looked in. "Any luck?"

"No! Lord, why is it so easy with horses? I daren’t hold him too tightly in case I hurt him more, but he won’t swallow it."

Anto came in. "Let's try together. I’ll hold him. You get him to drink it." He held Niall tightly, shaking his head at the heat of the fever in the small body. Liam managed to get some of the vile liquid past Niall’s lips, stroking his throat to make him swallow.

"Well done." Anto was panting with the effort of holding Niall still.

"Anto. How did you do it? Take care of us all?"

"With difficulty Liam. With difficulty." Suddenly Niall started to retch and vomited the medicine back up. Liam groaned. Back to square one.

"I said it was difficult, Liam."

"Now what?"

"Well, I suggest you clean him up, change his nightshirt. Then try again."

"Anto!"

"Responsibility Liam. You’re responsible for him. I’ll be back later."

Liam watched in shock as Anto walked out. He was tempted to follow him, but the sound of Niall’s cries stopped him. He turned back to the bed. "OK, you win. But only until you’re well." Sighing, he began the unwelcome task of cleaning Niall up.

Liam sat down with yet another sigh. He didn’t remember sighing as much in his life. Niall was finally clean and asleep or unconscious. Liam didn’t know which. He was still burning up with fever and Liam didn’t expect much sleep. Maybe he could just doze off a little now.

A knock on the chamber door woke him. "Come in," he said, as quietly as possible, because Niall was still asleep.

"How is he?" Zayn whispered. Harry was just behind him

"About the same!" Liam’s answer was short – hoping that the two lovers would leave, but no such luck!

"We wondered if you wanted us to sit with him a bit, so you could have a rest?"

"I’m fine! He’s my responsibility!"

"Liam! We’re not questioning that. We’re offering as your friends. We know this must be hard for you."

"Why?" Liam’s voice was cold, hard. "He means nothing to me. He’s just a slave I was stupid enough to defend, and got well and truly stuck with. And ... and you’re not my friends. You’re just my colleagues. We fight on the same side. It ends there!"

Zayn felt as though he had been slapped. With the greatest difficulty he kept his temper. "Fine. If that’s what you want. We just thought we could make it easier for you. We won’t bother in future. But if you do need us, you know where we are!"

He turned and left. Harry remained standing there. "You really are a bastard! No one survives alone, either on a battlefield or in ordinary life." He looked at the bed where Niall was beginning to get restless again. "I pity Niall, having to put up with you ... if he survives!" Then he was gone.

"No. Please. You’re hurting me. Don’t. Leave me alone. Mam! I want ... me mam!" Liam groaned – NIall was caught in the grip of a high fever. He had been thrashing about deliriously for most of the night. All Liam could do was wipe his face and hands, try to calm him and pray!

"No. Not again. Please sir. Paul. Paul help me!"

"It's all right Niall. No one’s going to hurt you!

Liam tried to make the distraught figure lay still. Suddenly someone was at his side. "I’ll stay with him Liam. You go to my chamber." Anto had been laid awake listening to the screams and his heart had eventually won over his head.

"No. I’m fine."

"Don’t give me that lad! Much more of this, and you’ll be in a bed as well. You need some rest. And what if the warriors launch a surprise attack?"

Liam knew Anto was making sense – he was exhausted but still he protested. "No Anto. I got myself into this, like a fool!"

"No Liam, you’re not a fool. You acted with compassion. We don’t know what's happened in Niall’s past. Why he’s a slave. But slave or not, he’s still a human being. Something that bastard who was beating him didn’t want to realise - or accept!"

Liam looked at Niall. He was flushed with fever, tossing restlessly. "Do you think he’ll live Anto?"

"I honestly don’t know, Liam. That wasn’t the first beating he’s had by a long way. But his body’s young. I doubt if he’s even your age! He should be physically capable of recovering but we just don’t know anything about him. What's happened. If he wants to live. Why do you ask?"

"No reason!" Liam’s answer was short. "Just that if he’s going to die ... well, he’d be better going now instead of suffering." He glanced at the helpless figure again. Niall was trembling and softly moaning. A flicker of something crossed Liam’s face. It was only a fleeting glance, but Anto didn’t miss it.

"All right I’ll go and get some sleep. If there’s any change. Please let me know!"

"That goes without saying Liam."

He watched the boy leave, and despite the graveness of the situation, a small smile crossed his face. Liam was a man, a fine brave fighter. He had seen things that had taken his boyhood from him far too early but somewhere, somewhere under that impassive emotionless exterior he still was capable of ... still cared for people. Cared for the boy that had crossed their paths. Had it been fate? Or an even higher power. Had the Lord himself sent the mysterious bedraggled stranger to save Liam from the hell he was existing in? Time would tell. Anto had no way of knowing the extent of Liam’s feelings for Niall. Or indeed if Niall would accept and reciprocate those feelings. They could cross that bridge when they came to it. All that mattered at the moment was Niall surviving and getting well. Anto said a silent prayer.

He had nursed Liam and Nicholas through many a fever. As Niall started to cry again, he moved to his side. "Easy now lad." He soothed him with a practised hand. As he wiped the hot forehead, he sighed. It was going to be another long night!


	7. Chapter 7

Niall felt as if he was on fire. Despite the pain it caused his sore body - he threw himself from one end of the bed to the other trying desperately to find the one spot that would allow him to get the sleep his weary body needed. He was so exhausted but in the black void between conscious thought and dreamless sleep, dark visions haunted him. Visions from a past that was denied to him forever. Normal everyday things that suddenly changed.

He would be feeding the pigs, cursing at them as they trod on him. Then in would come Lord Richard, a lust filled gleam in his eyes. "I’ve got you now Niall. You’re mine."

"No ... no. Please no." But he would be thrown onto the floor and viciously assaulted, then as he laid bleeding on the floor - Paul would come in. 

"It's OK Niall. I’m here." The warm safe arms would hold him, as they had held him so many nights, through so much pain. Then Darus would burst in laughing evilly. Sword in hand. Paul would desperately try to protect Niall with his own body but he would fall, dead. Even though Niall knew Darus had had nothing to do with Paul’s death. Even though he hadn’t witnessed it, he saw it in vivid colour. 

"No! No."

"Niall. Sshh! It's all right son. No one will hurt you." Niall didn’t recognise the voice that just penetrated his consciousness. He knew it wasn’t Paul, but it reminded him of the soldier. Older. Calmer. Despite the pain and everything a fraction of the tension would leave his body. Something cool and damp would be placed on his forehead which drove the black fever dreams away if only for a short while. Gentle hands sponged his sweaty hands and wrists. A low soothing voice persuaded him to lie still. Then the same kind hands would support him gently and persuade him to drink the cold water.

He didn’t know who this person was. If he opened his eyes he didn’t focus properly. A face would loom, causing him to draw back in fear then it would disappear. All he could remember was those soft brown eyes and he knew as if by instinct that they didn’t belong to the owner of the voice. Right now he didn’t care. They were both kind at the moment anyway and that was all that mattered. He moaned as the visions faded and he slid back into the deep blackness.

Anto was anxious. The boy was sick, as sick as anyone he’d come across. And it wasn’t just the fever from the infected whip marks. It was his general weary abused state. He doubted the boy had been ‘owned’ by the bastard who had hurt him so badly very long, he wouldn’t have survived. But what had been his life before that? In his delirium he called for his mother and for Paul, whoever Paul was.

"Niall try to rest, and keep still. It will hurt less." He knew he wasn’t getting through to the lad. He was lost in dark dreams. Smoothing back the sweat drenched blond hair with one hand, he took one of Niall’s hot clammy hands in his other. Physically comforting the boy would be more effective than soothing words.

He smiled at the smallness of Niall’s hand in his. Niall wasn’t very big full stop and lying in the bed, pale and thin, he looked even smaller. Of course size wasn’t everything. Look at Liam – he wasn’t much bigger and he fought like a lion. Taking Niall’s hand between both his and rubbing it gently, he thought about Liam. Liam had always been his favourite of the Payne children. Maybe that was wrong but he was the youngest, and the most emotional. He had watched him grow from an excitable small child to a brave fighter and then to a heartless shell of a killing machine. He wanted his little boy back.

Maybe Niall was the answer. The way Liam had jumped in to save him was reminiscent of the old Liam, and the expression that had crossed his face when he had looked at Niall, spoken about his suffering. He hoped and prayed the lad would survive. Niall was quieter now, the fever was draining him. Anto wondered who he was and shook his head at the cruelty of a world that allowed a life to be exchanged for a few pieces of silver. He knew Liam didn’t agree with slavery which raised questions about what would happen to Niall when and if he recovered. But that was a wishful hope somewhere in the future.

Around dawn Nicholas came in, looking marginally surprised to see Anto. "I came to see how Niall was doing!"

Anto shook his head. "No change. The fever’s showing no signs of breaking. He’s delirious. Keeps calling for his mam and someone called Paul – poor little bugger."

"I thought I’d find Liam here."

"I made him go and rest! He needed it and I didn’t want him sick as well. As long as he realises Niall is his responsibility."

"I think he does. Only hope it helps. Liam’s changed so much."

"Don’t give up on him yet!"

Liam was sleeping soundly. He hadn’t thought that was possible but he was mentally and physically exhausted. But his dreams were haunted by Niall, though it was a different Niall to the one laid in his bed. The Niall in his dreams was strong and fit. Blue eyes twinkling, blond hair shining. Liam smiled – he was gorgeous. He reached out to stroke Niall’s hair, to hold his warm body.

And woke up. It was a dream. Disappointment flooded through him. "Don’t be stupid! You don’t need him. Or want him. He’ll either recover and you can give him his freedom so he can go on his way or he’ll ... he’ll die." He tried to ignore the waves of pain that ran through him at the thought of that. He tossed and turned, knowing that sleep wouldn’t come easily for the rest of the night!

Anto sighed. "His back needs bathing again to try and draw the poison out."

"I’ll help." Nicholas held Niall’s body firmly as Anto began the painful task of uncovering the wounds. Niall cried out and tried to struggle as Anto touched the raw places.

"Easy lad! I know it hurts but it's for your own good."

Liam heard the cries from the half doze he was drifting in. Rousing quickly, he jumped up and threw on his clothes. "What's wrong Anto? Why is he crying?"

"I have to bathe his back Liam. Wash away the infection as its produced - before it goes deeper."

"You’re hurting him." Liam sounded like a small child.

"It can’t be helped. They have to be bathed."

Liam approached the bed. "Here, let me hold him."

Nicholas moved away as Liam sat on the bed and gathered Niall’s whimpering body into his arms. "Shhh it's going to be all right." Niall was now sat on Liam’s lap. Liam wrapped one arm round his waist and used the other to pull Niall’s head into his shoulder, holding it there, running his fingers through the tangled hair. Niall pressed into him, the loud crying subsiding almost at once to low whimpers. Only that and the way he shivered and flinched in Liam’s arms let Liam know how much he was hurting. All the while Liam kept up a soft soothing whisper and looked at Anto, trying to judge by the older man’s face how Niall was.

Anto studied Niall’s back. Some of the wounds were healing, even the infected ones didn’t look as angry. It just depended on how deep the infection was in the lad’s bloodstream. He looked at Liam holding the boy. If only Liam could see himself. He was so wrapped up trying to calm and reassure Niall, that his own expression was unguarded. It read concern, fear, even desire. Anto smiled.

Niall was dreaming. He was safe in someone’s arms. Someone who didn’t shout at him or hit him. Someone who didn’t want to violate his body. Vaguely he felt hands stroking his hair, holding him close. It felt nice. He felt cold, shivering violently and he pressed against the warm body. Pressed his face into the comforting shoulder.

"OK, all done." Anto moved away so Liam could lay Niall back on the bed, but Niall clung to Liam. "Don’t ... don’t leave me."

"No one’s leaving you Niall!"

"I don’t ... don’t want to ... die alone."

"You’re not going to die Niall!" Liam’s voice held a note of panic.

"Every ... everyone else ... did." Niall’s voice was weak but coherent. "They all ... all died. Why ... why shouldn’t I?"

"Who died Niall?" Liam’s voice was gentle.

"Mam. Mam and dad. My family. Paul. Paul died for me. They ... they all died for me."

A tear slid down Niall’s face. Liam reached out and caught the next one. Wiping it away gently. "Niall, if they died for you then ... then you owe it to them to fight to live!"

"I can’t ... can’t fight alone."

"You don’t have to Niall. I’m here. Just sleep. I won’t leave you." He lay back on the bed and pulled Niall to him. "Just sleep Niall." Anto and Nicholas looked at each other. Liam cared for the stranger – that much was obvious. Would his care pull Niall through? And would Niall change Liam back? Only time and fate would decide. They left the room, Liam had his eyes closed and was murmuring to Niall, who was quiet in his arms. Anto sighed. He had done all he could. Niall needed no one but Liam at that moment in time.

Liam woke up disorientated. He was cold and his back was stiff. The room was growing dark. He had no idea how long he had been asleep but it was a long time. Niall was in his arms, very still. There was no longer the intense fever emanating from the boy. Liam started to panic. "Niall!"

"Shh." He recognised Anto’s voice and saw him sat by the bed. "Don’t wake him. He needs the rest."

"I ... I thought he was ... dead."

"No. The fever broke a few hours ago. He’s sleeping peaceful like."

Liam heaved a sigh of relief. "But Anto. How?"

"God’s miracle lad, or the fact that you took the fear away from him so he could rest easy. Natural sleep’s a great healer."

"So ... so will he live?"

"I reckon so. He’ll be very weak for a while, need looking after. But, yes, I think with care he’ll make it."

"Thank God." It was only a whisper but Anto heard, and saw the fleeting look of relief that crossed Liam’s face before the expressionless mask slipped back. And Anto prayed that the healing had begun, both for Niall and for Liam, but the path to completeness would be a rocky one. He felt that instinctively.

Consciousness came slowly in bits and pieces to Niall. He was in a dark void, full of fear and then encircled in warm arms which drove that fear away. Then suddenly he felt he had to open his eyes. It was hard, his eyelids felt as though they were weighted with lead. It took several attempts and he had to rest between each one.

Anto sat by the bed watchfully. Niall had been in a fever free sleep for almost a full day and had been showing signs of waking for the past hour. He knew Niall still had a long way to go but he was almost certain that with care and attention Niall would recover well. And that thought made him smile. Niall could help Liam, Anto was sure of that!

Niall finally managed to open his eyes fully at the expense of moving the rest of his body. He glanced fearfully round the room, painfully aware that there were no warm safe arms holding him now. What if the soft voices and gentle hands he remembered were just an illusion induced by the fever? What if the reality was that he was still Simon’s slave, or even worse, back with Lord Richard? He really didn’t want to look, but he had to. Once more he was in a fine chamber, soft cool linen sheets. It was even finer than his room at Lord Richard’s, yet that did nothing to ease his fear. Where had he ended up this time? Would the endless vicious circle of violence and abuse never end?

He caught his breath as a figure approached the bed, desperately trying to make himself smaller, pressing against the pillow. "Pl ... please sir. Not yet. Let ... let me ... rest a awhile." His mouth was so dry he could hardly form the words and his voice was small, shaking with fear.

Anto was puzzled by this reaction. The lad was genuinely terrified. "Now lad, that’s what you have to do, rest. No one wants you to do anything else just yet. How are you feeling?"

Confused by this, Niall decided to risk the truth. "Tired sir. Well weary, and me backs sore."

"And will be for a time son. You had quite a beating. That bastard took the skin off it. And I bet it wasn’t the first time either."

"No sir!" A tear slid down Niall’s face as he remembered all the beatings, the slaps and kicks, yet they weren’t as bad as the abuse from Lord Richard. At that memory another tear joined the first.

"Now then son, there’s no need to cry. You’re safe here, no one will hurt you."

Niall nodded and wiped his eyes, Anto gave him a comforting smile. "That’s a good lad. I’m Anto, young Liam did tell you that earlier, but you were a bit sick then. Do you remember Liam?"

How could Niall forget him? Those eyes! But he just nodded. "He saved me like, from, bought me I guess. I’m his."

"We’ll see about that lad." Anto gently interrupted him. "We don’t hold with slavery here!"

A worried look crossed Niall’s face. "But ... but sir. I can’t buy my freedom. I have no silver."

"Liam won’t want silver Niall. The only reason he bought you was to stop that bastard killing you! He didn’t exactly go out looking for a slave." He smiled kindly at Niall. Niall tried to smile back but he was worried. If Lord Liam threw him out, where would he go? He had no family or friends to care for him, and he was painfully aware of his weakened state. He was totally alone in the world and it was a scary feeling.

Anto knew the boy was scared, but he didn’t know why. And he instinctively knew that now wasn’t the time to press it. He gave Niall another kind smile

"Niall, don’t worry about anything. Just rest. Everything will be all right. Just trust me." And although Niall nodded, Anto knew from his face that trusting wouldn’t be possible. Not yet.

Liam was in the stables talking to his horse. The only living creature he felt able to share his true feelings with. He couldn’t understand why part of him had wanted to stay with Niall. Holding him until he woke, making him feel safe. Some sixth sense told him Niall felt very unsafe at this time. Liam wondered what his past was. Niall was definitely younger than himself, and from Mullingar, though judging by the dialect - a peasant boy. "What's the matter with me lad? Am I losing my senses? I saved him. Surely that’s enough. Anto thinks he’ll live. He can take care of him much better than I can. So why do I want to be with him?"

The horse nickered softly and pressed his head against Liam. Liam tugged gently at his ears and was rewarded by a hard yet affectionate nudge. Liam smiled. He didn’t have to explain his feelings to his horse. He felt open and exposed around Niall, as though Anto, Nicholas, Zayn and Harry could see how he felt. Which was hard because he didn’t know how he felt himself. 

"He’s a peasant boy. I’m a soldier," he thought of the number of warriors he had sent to their deaths without a second thought. And couldn’t reconcile it with the pain he had felt when he had thought Niall would die. "A peasant boy I don’t even know. I’m definitely losing my grip on sanity. If only ... I could die ... be back with Michael."

It was a thought that often ran through his mind. Suicide was wrong; leading to eternal hell and damnation. And worse, eternity away from Michael. That was the only thing that kept Liam going – the thought of the afterlife with Michael. Frequently on the battlefield he took insane risks that should have got him killed, hoping. But it was as though a divine hand protected him. Instead of the blessed relief of death - he got a hero’s status. But he wasn’t brave. Just desperate, and no one knew.

He sighed. If he had divine protection then so did that weary bedraggled soul in his bed. No one should have survived what he had. Maybe ... maybe they were. Liam banished the thought as soon as it entered his head. He was destined for no one but Michael. The sooner the blond stranger recovered and left - the better.

Zayn peeped into Liam’s bedchamber. Niall was fast asleep curled up into a little ball on his side to avoid making his back even sorer. Anto was catching up on some sleep too. Zayn smiled. He had had very low opinions of Liam, but this act of kindness towards Niall had redeemed him somewhat. Although he still didn’t like the guy. But he wasn’t all bad. That was the main thing. He left them to rest.

Anto was woken by Liam entering the room. "Good evening Liam."

"Evening Anto. How is Niall?"

"Well he woke earlier. We had a coherent if scared conversation."

"Why’s he scared? No one will hurt him here."

Anto sighed. It was black and white to Liam. They had rescued Niall, Niall was safe. End of story. He didn’t realise that Niall had probably been ‘saved’ from hell before only to suffer greater abuse. That Niall didn’t realise they were the good guys. That trust didn’t come automatically, that it had to be won. "Niall’s more than likely been through hell Liam. He’s bound to be scared. We have to be gentle with him."

Liam nodded. "Do you want me to do anything?"

"’Yes. Go to the kitchen, get them to make some clear broth. We need to get nourishment into him, and I don’t know what he can take at the minute."

Liam nodded. "Anything else?"

"Yes, bring some warm water. We need to bathe his back again."

Liam disappeared, leaving Anto to look at the figure. In sleep Niall was peaceful. For now but he guessed peaceful times would be few and far between. Liam was soon back with the water and clean clothes. Anto gently shook Niall. "Niall lad, wake up. We need to bathe your back."

Niall’s eyes fluttered open, full of fear again. "No. Don’t hurt me."

"Niall, I’ll try not to. I need to bathe you."

Niall nodded, but as soon as Anto tried to raise his nightshirt he went hysterical. "No ... no sir. Please ... no." He struggled as much as his weak body would allow him.

"Niall. Relax. It's only going to sting for a few seconds."

"No. It hurts."

Liam was shocked at the fear and panic in the blue eyes. Anto was trying to get Niall to lay on his stomach which was making Niall worse. Intuition told Liam it was more than fear of the physical pain of having his back touched, but he wasn’t sure what. Liam spoke gently. "Niall, calm down. I’ll sit near you. You can hold on to me if it hurts too much."

Niall looked into the calm hazel brown eyes and felt something deep inside. Anto moved away to let Liam sit on the bed. Slowly, uncertainly, Niall moved closer to Liam. Resting his head nervously on his shoulder. Ready to jump away at the slightest movement.

Liam lifted his hand slowly, keeping it in Niall’s view all the time. "Niall, let Anto lift your shirt. I’m here." It was like breaking in a young scared horse. Gently Liam ran his hand over Niall’s hair, whispering to him. As Anto lifted his shirt he froze but remained still.

"All done!" Anto gently ruffled Niall’s hair after he pulled his shirt down. The boy was almost hyperventilating in fear, yet hadn’t seemed in that much pain. It was a mystery.

Liam held on to Niall, until he felt him relax. "Are you all right?" Niall nodded – he didn’t dare risk speaking. Anto smiled.

"You stay with Niall, Liam. I’ll go and get that broth - and make sure he eats it now!"

Liam nodded. "And bring some water. I’m going to wash this mud out of Niall’s hair."

Anto smiled to himself as he went downstairs. Niall had probably been through far worse than he had imagined. He had a feeling that if he trusted them they would be shocked, even in these hard times. And then he remembered how he had turned to Liam. The trusting had begun.


	8. Chapter 8

Liam took a deep breath as Anto left the chamber. It was just him and Niall, and for some inexplicable reason he was nervous. Niall was nervous too. The fear was the reason, or at least he told himself that. Fear was making his heart pound against his ribs.

Liam sensed his unease. Slowly he sat down on Niall’s bed. "So, how are you feeling Niall?"

"Alive sir – thanks to you!" Niall kept his eyes lowered.

Liam smiled. "Mainly down to yourself Niall!"

"No sir! I’d have died that morning. You saved me."

"I merely stopped a brutality that should never be allowed. And please don’t call me sir – it's Liam!"

"I couldn’t sir. I’m a slave, you’re my master!"

Liam shook his head. "No. You are just less fortunate than me in some ways. I am no better or worse than you. We have no slaves here. So it's just Liam and Niall, all right?"

"Yes Si .. Liam!"

Liam looked at Niall as he rested. He was a good looking boy although thin and pale. His eyes were amazing, as blue as the ocean. And they reflected everything. His pain. His fear. His very soul. Liam found himself wondering what they looked like when they reflected joy and happiness. Niall found Liam looking at him but didn’t know what to say and he didn’t dare meet Liam’s eyes. The silence was broken by Anto entering with hot water.

"Right then, Liam. I don’t know how you’re going to manage this. Maybe if you put the water on the bedside table, and if Niall can manage to lean over it. Just don’t soak him through. He doesn’t need to catch a chill." Both lads looked at him and nodded. He smiled back.

"I’m going to check on the progress of that broth. If I want something doing it's best to do it myself." Then he was gone!

Liam arranged things to suit his purpose. "OK Niall. I’ll try not to drown you. If it's hurting tell me!" Niall nodded and managed to get into a position that, although uncomfortable, was bearable. Liam gently trickled the water over his head and took the soap. 

"Right Niall, this mud is well set so yell if I hurt you!" It didn’t hurt. Liam’s hands felt nice as they gently massaged his head. Despite everything he felt himself relaxing as Liam explained what he was doing.

"I think I’ve got most of it. Just to rinse it. You all right down there?" Niall nodded. His back was hurting like hell but the feeling of someone being nice to him, caring for him was amazing. He couldn’t believe it. The water trickled over his ears. He tried not to wriggle but he couldn’t help it. Liam stopped. "Are you all right?"

"Y ... yes, it's just ... tickling." Niall spluttered. To his surprise and relief Liam laughed too.

"So you’re ticklish? I’ll try and be more careful." Liam took his time making sure the soap was all out of Niall’s hair. Then he took a cloth and gently wiped Niall’s face dry.

"All done! I’ll just dry you off a bit. You can lay back if you want." He saw the relief on Niall’s face. "That really hurt didn’t it? Why didn’t you tell me?"

"Because it had to be done! And I’ve hurt a lot worse." He said no more. He didn’t have to. Liam saw his face. Wordlessly he dried Niall’s hair with a rough cloth and then ran a comb through it. It curled in Niall’s neck.

"I think it needs cutting. Anto does mine." He ran his hand through his own rough spikes. "Yours is quite curly isn’t it?"

Niall nodded. "Mam was always cutting it." A sudden vision of the cottage, his mam cutting his hair. His family - gone forever. Without warning the tears came suddenly and refused to stop, flooding his face.

Liam was surprised. "Niall, what's wrong? Are you OK?" But Niall couldn’t speak. Images flooded his mind like the bursting of a dam. That dreadful day. Returning home to find the warriors slaughtering his family. He had never really spoken about it properly, not even to Paul, Then of course Lord Richard and the sickening abuse. If that was an act of love then he’d live without love. He hated it. He had never given losing his virginity much thought, but he had never imagined it would be tied face down being forced by another man. And the nameless faceless men that had followed him. Then finally losing Paul – the person who had got him through all of it. The fact that it had been his fault. He couldn’t stop the tears but he couldn’t tell Liam either. Liam would be disgusted that he had slept with another man – he could never tell anyone!

Liam was alarmed and a little frightened. He knew he hadn’t caused the tears, but he couldn’t stop them. He felt helpless and in pain at the sight of Niall’s obvious anguish.

Just then Anto walked in. "What on earth’s wrong?"

"I don’t know Anto. I’d washed his hair. He seemed fine, and then he just started crying! I don’t think I hurt him."

"Liam, I know you didn’t." He put down the bowl and assessed the situation. Niall’s tears weren’t those of someone in pain, physical pain anyhow. But all the same, Niall was hurting.

And so was Liam by the luck on his face, again open and unguarded. Anto wanted Liam to care, but he didn’t want to push him too far too soon. "Liam go and get some fresh air. I’ll handle this!"

"But ... but ..."

"Liam it's OK. Go for a ride or something. Niall will be fine with me!" With a last look at the desperately crying figure, Liam left the room.

Anto moved closer to Niall, the boy hadn’t even noticed Liam leave, he was so distraught. He had buried his face in his hands, but his whole body was shaking. "Now then lad." Anto laid a gentle hand on Niall’s shoulder and the boy jumped a mile. "I’ll not hurt you. Can you not tell me what’s wrong?"

Niall shook his head. "No. No sir. I’m sorry."

"You don’t have to be sorry for crying. But a problem shared is a problem halved. It helps to tell someone." Niall bit his lip. He couldn’t tell anyone - but he had to give some explanation. He settled for an equally painful but less shameful one.

"Liam ... Liam was talking about my hair ... how it needed cutting and ... and I suddenly saw my mam again. It was so real!" He had told the truth or at least part of it.

Anto looked at him searchingly. "So it’s the shock of losing your family? How long ago was it?" He wasn’t trying to pry, but he felt Niall had to open up.

"I don’t know sir. I’ve lost track of time. A few months I guess."

"Not long then! Was it the warriors?"

Niall nodded. "Yes sir! They attacked my home."

"And have you told anyone how you feel?"

"No sir, I haven’t had anyone to tell. Well, there was Paul in the beginning ... but I was enough of a burden to him, and then ... and then he died!" There was more. A whole lot more, but Niall’s blue eyes were filling with yet more tears, and Anto didn’t want to press him.

"It's natural to grieve for your family. And it's also probably the shock of what happened to you of late. And you being so ill like. You cry all that you want son."

Niall had finished crying for the moment. There were no tears left but the weight on his heart was still there, and he knew there were a lot more tears to come. Anto realised he had stopped crying at the minute and rinsed a cloth. "I’ll just wash your face for you Niall." He kept his hands in Niall’s line of vision the whole time. Niall didn’t resist, the violent sobbing had exhausted him and its suddenness had shocked him a little. Besides, once more it was nice to feel someone caring for him. He closed his eyes and relaxed.

Anto dried him and picked up the bowl of broth – it was cold now and he would have to go for more. "I’ll just go and get you some more supper."

Niall shook his head. "No sir. I’m not hungry!"

"You have to start eating again. You need to build up your strength!"

"Sir. Please. I’m so tired." He was too, the flashback had exhausted him. Anto could see that.

"All right but you have to eat when you wake and I mean it Niall!"

"Yes sir." Anto sounded like his mother. Niall pulled the sheet round him. One more thing was bothering him. "Sir. Have I angered Liam?"

Anto smiled. "No lad you haven’t angered him. I think you scared him a bit. I sent him for some fresh air. He’ll be fine, probably come and see you when he gets back. Now rest!" Niall needed no second bidding – within seconds he was asleep.

Anto stayed a while to make sure Niall wasn’t going to waken in fear. It was obvious there was a lot more going on than Niall had hinted at and he hoped they could help – without either Niall or Liam getting hurt any more. He went downstairs. Harry and Zayn had been out riding and had just returned, splashed with mud and their cheeks coloured by the wind. They made Anto smile – they were so obviously in love. If only Liam could look like that again.

"Hi lads, have you seen Liam?"

"Yes! Out riding towards the forest. We called but he didn’t stop!" Anto sighed. Zayn picked up on it. He was more sensitive and perceptive than Harry.

"Is it Niall? Is he worse?"

"Not physically, but the boy’s an emotional wreck. He just burst into tears and Liam didn’t know why, so it freaked him out a bit."

"Oh. Why did he burst into tears?"

"Well, he says it was because he remembered his family – it appears they were slaughtered by the warriors. But I think there’s much more to it than that. Plus some of it is physical shock after what he’s been through."

"Why’d Liam get freaked out?" Harry was casually gnawing on a turkey leg. "I mean, he doesn’t give a damn about anybody. Mmmm this is good!"

Anto gave another sigh. He didn’t want to betray Liam and the feelings he hoped the lad was developing for Niall. "I don’t know ... but Liam does have a heart and does care. It's been an emotionally exhausting time for him too."

Harry took another bite out of the turkey leg, seemingly unconvinced. Anto turned to Zayn. "I don’t suppose you’d sit with Niall a while? I have things to do and I don’t want to leave him alone in case he wakes and has another flashback!"

Zayn nodded. "Of course we will."

"Thanks. I’ll be up to try and get him to eat later."

After they had gone Anto stared out of the window thinking about Liam. He wasn’t happy that the boy was going into the forest alone, even though he was a great soldier. He found himself praying for the lad. "Oh Liam."

Liam was deep in the forest Unafraid because he knew no warriors would dare enter the black trees, fearing even blacker spirits. But Liam knew the forest like the back of his hand, and knew the only thing he had to fear was the living! Confused and unable to understand his feelings, he had gone to the one place where everything fitted into perspective – Michael’s grave!

He knelt in front of the wooden cross. "Michael. I know I don’t come here as much as I should. I’m sorry, but you know how it is. But I really need your help. I love you. I’ll always love you. Every time I fight, I fight for your honour and memory. I don’t imagine ever enjoying life again but ... but ... Oh Jesus Michael. It's Niall! Niall’s this slave I found being beaten. I don’t know why but I bought him ... and ... and he was sick and I helped Anto care for him. Now he haunts me. I keep dreaming about him. Me and him together! And although I told them I didn’t care about him. I prayed for him. Prayed for him to live. Michael why? Why am I so disloyal to you? I’m sorry, so sorry."

Tears burned behind Liam’s eyes but he couldn’t cry, something held him back. In his mind’s eye he could see Michael, hear his soothing voice. "Liam, it's all right. Let it happen! If it's meant to be, then it will all come right. Like our love did. I’ll always love you Liam, no matter what. Now go. Go back to Niall. He needs you!" Liam got up still feeling confused but calmer. He didn’t love Niall, just cared about him, that was it! It was different, it was allowed to care about someone so long as he didn’t love him. The question settled as he rode out of the dark forest.

He didn’t know that a pair of bright blue eyes watched him leave. When it was safe to do so the young man crept out of the bushes. He was a young Pagan warrior but with a desperate interest in the Christians and their faith. He stood in front of the cross, looking at it in wonder – did the Christian dead really speak to their living? With a sigh he realised he had been gone too long – there would be trouble. None of the others dared go into the forest but after all he was only half pagan warrior. His ‘father’ didn’t know he knew but he had listened to the adults talk late at night and knew he was half Christian. And maybe one day would have to take sides.

Zayn watched Niall sleep. Well, it was a choice between watching the boy sleep or watching Harry sleep and he saw and heard Harry sleep enough. The big lad had fallen asleep in a chair at the far side of the room. No, Zayn was intrigued by the small blond lad in the bed, not just because of all he’d been through but because of the way he had chipped at the ice block that was Liam Payne’s heart.

Niall was laid on his side, face buried under one arm. He looked fragile – he was fragile! Nicholas had said that they hadn’t expected him to survive but he had – he must have had inner strength.

Without warning Niall cried out in his sleep and threw the sheets off him. "Nooo ... please."

"It's OK Niall, you’re safe." Zayn covered the boy again and gently patted his shoulder. Niall turned over and hugged the pillow which made Zayn smile. He was just a boy but Zayn had a good feeling about Niall, like he would bring them luck or something.

Liam rode back to the castle – still confused about how he felt about Niall, but happier all the same. Michael understood and after all he didn’t _love_ Niall. But he could admit he cared. It was all right to care.

Anto looked up with obvious relief when Liam entered the kitchen. "Thank the Lord you’re back!"

"Why? What's happened to Niall?" Liam felt panic. Anto heard it in his voice.

"Nothing. I was worried about you that’s all. Zayn said you’d gone into the forest. I wish you wouldn’t."

"I was perfectly safe. The warriors dare not venture there. Besides, I can take care of myself. How is Niall?"

"Asleep. He managed to calm down."

"What was the matter?" Anto smiled at the concern in Liam’s voice – bless him, he was doing his best not to care and failing miserably.

"He had a flashback to how he lost his parents."

"So he’s an orphan then?" Liam sat down on a bench, genuine interest written all over him. "Did you find out what happened to him, how he came to be a slave?"

"Not really! Just that his parents and family were slaughtered in a warrior attack, and it appears he was the only survivor! But I think there’s a hell of a lot that he didn’t tell me!"

Liam nodded – Niall was indeed in a traumatised state, he knew how that felt. The pain caused by Michael’s death was still as raw and open as the day it had happened – and Liam handled it by building barriers. Denying feelings. Avoiding thinking about it. But the people around him knew, and knew how to compensate. No one knew how to handle Niall until they knew what had happened. "So what's happening with Niall now?"

"Well Zayn and Harry are with him now, but he was sleeping when I left. Exhausted – poor little bugger! I’m going up in a while with his supper. He hasn’t eaten yet and he needs to." He wanted Liam to take the broth, to feed Niall, carry on the bonding process that he felt had begun but he didn’t want to push Liam –it had to be Liam’s own idea!

Liam investigated the remains of the turkey on the table. "I see Harry’s eaten already?" Harry’s appetite was legendary in the castle.

Anto smiled "He had a snack."

Liam noticed the pot of broth simmering on the fire. "Is that for Niall?"

"Yes."

"Shall I take him some now?"

Anto’s heart leapt – he hadn’t even had to hint! But he kept his voice casual. "Well you could do, it would save me a job. Try and get him to eat it!"

Liam managed to open the door of Niall’s chamber without spilling any. Then he shook his head at the thought. Niall’s chamber. It wasn’t Niall’s chamber – it was his! He had to smile at the scene in front of him. Harry was sprawled half out of the chair fast asleep, snoring loudly. Niall was curled up into a ball also fast asleep and Zayn was watching Niall with a gentle smile on his face. Gentle and protective.

3 days later.

“OK Niall, we have to bathe your back again.” Anto carried in the bowl of warm water and prepared himself for battle... Niall didn't take kindly to this any more than he had done in the beginning. He would pull away from Anto. Crying and praying as Anto tried to lay him on his stomach so he could get to the injuries more easily. Then there would be the battle to raise Niall’s nightshirt. It was an exhausting and traumatic process for all concerned that had to be carried out twice a day. Niall’s back was healing well but there was always the danger of reoccurrence of the infection that had almost taken the boy’s life.

Niall muttered something and pressed back against the sheets. Anto didn’t understand it, it should be nowhere near as painful now. But then there was a lot he didn’t understand about Niall and Niall had not revealed anything else about his past to help Anto with his understanding.

Luckily Liam came in from feeding his horse. Anto sighed with relief. Niall always calmed for Liam. OK, he was still terrified and still physically shook, but with Liam’s arm round him at least Anto could get to Niall’s back. Once he had started to bathe it, Niall usually was OK. Not relaxed, but not struggling.

Liam took in the scene. Anto with the water. Niall whimpering in one corner of the big bed, knees drawn up into his chest, eyes full of fear. Liam didn’t understand it either. Didn’t understand why Niall genuinely feared Anto. Anto had the calmest manner and gentlest hands. Liam remembered being sick as a child and how Anto could always make him feel better. Nicholas had said the same thing. So why was Niall so scared round him? He wouldn’t eat for Anto either. This was driving Liam to desperation. He had to go to the territories of Killarney soon, he’d put it off but there was a coalition to be formed and with the warriors growing bolder again he would have to make it sooner rather than later. As much as he hated to admit it, Sligo needed their help. And he didn’t want to admit that he didn’t want to leave Niall, was fearful for the boy without his presence.

“Is it that time Anto? Come now Niall, you know by now no one will hurt you.” Niall didn’t look convinced. Liam sighed and sat on the bed. “OK then I’ll hold you.” Niall came to his arms almost willingly. All of the fight leaving him although he was still tense in Liam’s arms. Anto shook his head. He didn’t understand it, and wasn’t sure if he liked it. He’d wanted Liam to care for Niall, not for Niall to get totally dependent on Liam, but there was little he could do at that minute.

Liam tried to calm his breathing. Another time passed and no one had made a demand on his body. He couldn’t work them out, and he couldn’t ask them. He didn’t know why he felt so safe with Liam. Anto had never said a harsh word to him. His brain didn’t make sense. Anto took the water away chuntering under his breath. He felt, not jealous but taken for granted. He did 90% of the taking care of Niall, sat up with him, made his food, washed the bedding when Niall had an ‘accident’ at night after a particularly violently nightmare – all the dirty jobs yet Liam was the only one the kid trusted. Oh well that was life.

Liam sat on the bed and tried to tidy Niall’s hair. “Niall, why don’t you let Anto bathe your back? You know he has to.”

“I do, si ... Liam." 

“Only after screaming the place down and when I’m here! What difference does it make if I’m holding you? Anto wouldn’t hurt you, you know that.”

Niall shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Niall, that’s not an answer. Does having your back bathed trigger an unpleasant memory?” Niall didn’t answer – Liam saw him biting his lip.

“Niall talk to me! We can’t help you if you don’t tell us what’s scaring you?” Still no answer. Liam sighed – Niall was as stubborn as he was.

“I’ll go and get your breakfast.”

Anto was stirring the pot of porridgey stuff with unusual vigour. “It’s not my fault Anto. I’ve tried to talk to him. He won’t tell me.”

“He’s still having the nightmares though?”

“Yes. Lord help him. He screams and screams until I think his heart will give out.”

Harry wandered in to hear the last remark. “I know that. We hear him every night. He’s a strange one. I think he’s lost his mind. Hey! Get off me Payne!”

Liam had turned round at the remark about Niall losing his mind and had slammed Harry against the wall and pinned him there, one arm across his throat. “Never let me hear you say that about Niall again! He’s been through hell, no wonder he’s disturbed. A great spoiled oaf like you would have no understanding.“

“Let me go.”

“Just remember! It's OK Anto, I wouldn't soil my hands. Liam realised he’d reacted a bit sharply and released Harry. He filled a bowl with the porridge and made towards the door. “I’m taking Niall his breakfast.”

Harry looked at Anto. “What on earth?”

“His feelings for Niall are confused.”

“You can say that again. I think I got the wrong one down as losing his mind. Enough porridge left for me?” It took a lot to throw Harry!

Niall was biting his nails. He couldn’t tell Liam, couldn’t tell him that it was being laid on his stomach that brought on the fear. That it was how Lord Richard had taken him. That when his face was pressed against the pillow or mattress that it brought blinding flashes of memories. Pain filled memories. That he could feel the man inside of him. He shook his head to clear the frightening images.

“OK clean bowl time.” Niall was able to sit up and feed himself now and did so to please Liam, but not this morning. His eyes were tear-filled and he had barely had one spoonful before placing the bowl on his lap. Liam felt anger inside, and a little guilt. If he hadn’t pressed Niall about his past Niall would have eaten the porridge on his own. But he was angry at the boy for making it harder for both of them.

“All right Niall. I’ll feed you this time but you have to realise …” he sat next to Niall on the bed and pressed the first spoonful on him. “You have to realise ... that I can’t feed you the whole time. That you are getting stronger and have to do these things for yourself. However upset you feel. If I stopped eating every time I was upset then there’d be nothing left on me.” Niall accepted the food Liam gave him but showed no sign of responding to the gentle chastising. Liam wouldn’t have believed he could be so gentle, if it had been Harry or Zayn or even Anto he would have told them to fucking pull themselves together. Only one other person would have got the same gentleness as Niall was getting.

The bowl was empty. Niall’s usual routine was a sleep now. There was little he could do in bed and he was nowhere near strong enough to get up. Plus the sleepless nights took their toll on him. They were slowing down his physical recovery considerably.

“Niall, you’re not going to like this. But I have to go away tomorrow. For a little while.”

“Why?” Niall’s voice was shaking. “Is it me? Have I displeased you?”

Liam looked at him. “Of course not. In what way could you displease me Niall? You know I am a soldier. I have to go to Killarney and supervise the formation of a coalition to fight the warriors. I shall be gone three days. Anto and Zayn will take care of you.”

He saw Niall was shaking physically. “Niall you have to listen to me. You must let Anto bathe your back and you must eat for him. Do you understand? I want to see you looking much stronger when I get back.” Niall nodded but Liam saw the tears running down his face and felt guilty. Which came out as anger. “And for the Lord’s sake there’s no need to cry. Anyone would think I was dragging you into Mullingar to give you back to that bastard I took you from. Maybe I should!” He regretted the words as soon as they came out. Niall made no noise but his body crumpled as he buried his face in his hands. 

“Niall. I didn’t mean that. I’d never do that. Come on Niall.” Niall continued to cry silently. Liam felt like kicking himself. He was usually so careful what he said round Niall but the tension of having the boy dependent on him and him solely for 24 hours a day had strained him and he was scared about leaving him. Niall responded to no one like himself, which made the threat he had just made far more meaningful than if someone like Harry had said it! Oh fuck him and his big mouth.

He sat on the bed next to the crying boy. “Niall I’d never do that. I’d die before I let them hurt you again. I was just angry. Frustrated because I have to go on this mission, and I know you won’t eat for Anto. And you have to. Do you understand me?”

Niall made no attempt to answer. He just sobbed. It was unnerving, the lack of noise. As if he was frightened to make any sound, for fear of reprisals. Slowly Liam wrapped an arm round Niall’s shoulders. “Come on Niall, stop crying. You know it won’t always be like this. You’ll be strong enough to come with us one day. If you want to stay with a tactless bastard like me?”

Niall didn’t want to give in to Liam’s comfort. Liam was angry at him, and with reason. Niall couldn’t tell him it wasn’t so much the thought of being dragged back to Simon or even Lord Richard that made him cry - but the thought that Liam didn’t want him. Then Liam’s arm was holding him and the warmth was driving out the fear - Liam was saying that one day he wanted him to stay. His tears slowed.

Liam heaved a sigh of relief at NIall’s snuffly noises that indicated he was stopping crying. He had expected one of Niall’s major flashbacks. Complete with hysterics, vomiting and bedwetting and he wouldn’t have been able to blame the boy, only himself. It had been a tactless and downright cruel thing to say and he would hate himself for a long time. He held Niall a bit long, hoping the small blond lad felt safe. That he hadn’t done lasting damage.

“OK now. You look tired. Want to sleep?”

Niall nodded. “Want me to stay while you fall to sleep?” Niall nodded again. Liam smiled. He’d known that answer. At least it got him out of cleaning the stables. Niall was soon on the point of dozing off. “Would you want to stay here Niall, when you get well?” It was the first time Liam had dared mention Niall’s future.

“If you wish it Liam?”

“You could come with us then.”

“I can’t ride Liam.” Niall’s voice sounded more normal than in a long while. Liam laughed.

“That’s not a problem. I can teach you. Now sleep.”

Niall was already snoring softly. Liam stood up and looked at the blond. “I’m sorry Niall for what I said.” Then he raised his eyes heavenward. “Why me Lord? I’m not denying there is a purpose in all this but I wish you’d see fit to enlighten me.” There was no divine sign, no thunderclap. Liam sighed and picked up the empty bowl. He hadn’t really expected one!

Liam looked over at Nicholas as they prepared for the following day’s journey. His elder brother was whistling happily. If only he could be that happy – he doubted being happy ever again. The nearest he even felt to contentment was watching Niall rest peacefully. A strange feeling ran through him and he had to force himself back into the present. He shook his head as though to clear it and became aware of Nicholas staring intently.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just wondering if you are on form for this mission little brother?”

“Of course I am.”

“You’re not distracted by ... anything?”

“Such as?”

“Liam. I’m your brother – I know that you care for young Niall.”

“I don’t. I just didn’t want to see him die that’s all.”

“Really?”

“Yes really. Don’t worry Nicholas. I’m totally focused on this.” They walked back to the main building. As they walked in the kitchen they became aware of a commotion upstairs. Liam and Nicholas exchanged looks. “NIALL,” Liam was through the door and up the stairs before Nicholas had time to move.

* Niall had fallen into a deep sleep when Liam left. Deep enough for the terrors that stalked at night to gain access, even on a sunny mid morning. * “What use would I have with a miserable specimen like you, Niall?” It was Liam’s voice, but there was no kindness in it.

“P ... please, sir.” Niall was on his knees, hands bound behind his back.

“Please? You don’t know the meaning of the word. You don’t know how to please me. But you pleased Lord Richard. I think he should have you back.”

“No sir. Please. I’ll do what you wish.”

“Too late Niall. You have missed your chance. You are worthless, you caused the deaths of your family and Paul. You are physically weak, unable to earn your keep. And you resist in bed. Anto. Take him to Lord Richard. My gift to him. And tell him to make sure it hurts.”

Niall began to scream for mercy, but Anto dragged him from the room. Then everything went black. He came to, spread-eagled on his belly on a bed, the ropes that held him to the beds four posts were tight and cut into his flesh. He began to cry.

“Ah Niall, we meet again. Still the snivelling wretch.” It was Lord Richard’s voice, the voice he’d never forget. “I have been looking forward to our re-acquaintance.” Suddenly the cruel hands were on his body, ripping his under garments off. “So beautiful Niall. So beautiful and all mine. You didn’t please Lord Payne.”

“He ... he ... n ... never ... asked me … to” Niall sobbed.

“You should not need asking! Did you learn nothing from our encounters? You shall learn Niall. I was too kind before. I shall not make that mistake again.”

The evil lord produced a whip and Niall screamed as it bit into his shoulders and the small of his back. It went on and on. Niall was losing consciousness then brutally brought back to reality as the man forced himself into him. “NOOOOO!” *

Liam entered his chamber to a nightmare scene. Zayn and Anto were trying to calm a thrashing Niall without much success. The bedclothes were all over and Niall had knocked the small table that stood beside the bed over. Niall himself was a quivering screaming wreck, the hysteria lent him strength and Anto didn’t know what to do. He could forcibly restrain the boy but that could scar him worse. But one of the wounds on Niall’s back had re-opened and was bleeding. The boy could do himself serious damage. He prepared to pin the terrified lad down.

“No wait. Let me try!” Liam’s voice rang with authority. He was horrified at the state of Niall, but didn’t want him to suffer any more.

Anto moved aside as Liam approached the bed. “Niall, its’ all right, it’s just a dream. Wake up Niall. Come on, wake up for me.”

Niall didn’t respond at first. Liam ducked a blow and lay one hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Niall, you’re safe. Now wake up. Come back to me Niall.”

“No. Please. Don’t take me back there.” Niall panted – Liam groaned. remembering his hasty threat of the morning. It had obviously done more damage than he had thought.

“Niall. I told you. I didn’t mean to say that. I’m not taking you anywhere.”

“Please don’t let him hurt me. Please. Not like that. Not ... not there. Hurts ... hurts so much.”

“I know Niall, but it’s over. Lay back and rest. Lay back.” Liam managed to run one hand gently through the blond hair, now matted with sweat. Niall seemed to relax so Liam kept up the stroking and soft murmuring. Niall slumped back onto the bed. The first thing he was aware of was the gentle voice – Liam’s voice, and then the soothing stroking. With difficulty he opened his eyes which were sticky with crying. The late afternoon sun shone through the window and the room was quiet. Bringing things into focus he saw a pair of soft brown eyes. He tensed remembering the Liam in his dreams. But the eyes smiled at him, crinkling. “You with me now Niall?”

He became aware that he was in bed, and to his shame realised he had had another ‘accident’. The sheets were wet as was the nightshirt he had on. He blushed. Liam instinctively knew what he was embarrassed about. “It’s all right Niall, it wasn’t your fault. We were waiting for you to come round before we moved you to change the bedding – and you!”

He rang a bell and Anto appeared, puffing with annoyance. “What is it Liam?”

“Niall’s awake. He can’t lie in a wet bed. I’ll take him to your chamber and bathe him whilst the bed is sorted.”

“All right! How is he?”

“Not saying much.“

With ease Liam picked Niall’s limp body out of the bed and carried him to another chamber. Talking soothingly to him the whole time he quickly stripped Niall of the wet nightshirt and sat him in the tin bath of warm water.

Niall burst into tears. It was too much like the scenes that always followed an attack by the Lord Richard. The abuse, then Paul bathing him. But Liam wasn’t thrown this time, nor did he demand to know why Niall was crying. “I guess all these memories are pretty painful, Niall. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean it. I’d never give you back to any of them. You’re not mine to give.”

“Then whose am I?”

Liam was startled – he hadn’t expected a reply. “You belong to no one but yourself Niall. I’m merely looking after you till you can care for yourself.” Niall looked at him with wondering eyes. This man was talking about his freedom, but freedom meant nothing to Niall.

Liam quickly bathed him and dried him, finding him another nightshirt. He dressed the wound that had re-opened on Niall’s back then carried him back to his room. Niall was very sleepy and very confused. The only escape was the darkness of sleep, he closed his eyes.

Liam sat and watched him till the early evening. Nicholas came in. “SO you won’t be distracted then little brother?”

“No. That was an unfortunate happening.”

“Be even more unfortunate if it happens when you’re in Killarney!”

“Nicholas. Niall will be fine,” but he wondered.

Anto wasn’t as confident. “Liam, this is getting out of hand.”

“I know, but it’s not my fault. Well perhaps today was.” Shamefully he recounted what had happened at breakfast.

“Maybe, but he has night terrors and will only calm for you. What am I supposed to do, Liam?”

“I don’t know. “

He took a bowl of broth up to Niall who was awake, lying calming in the bed. “Supper time!”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Niall don’t start all that again. You have to eat.”

“You’re going away.” It was a statement not a question. Liam shivered at Niall’s tone.

“Only for 3 days Niall. I have to. Many people’s lives depend on it.”

Niall nodded. “I know.”

“And you must eat for Anto and do as he says. Just as you do for me. Please Niall.”

Niall half nodded. Liam continued. “And you must eat this.” To his surprise Niall picked up the spoon. He mentally breathed a sigh of relief. 

After he’d eaten Niall lay looking at Liam in the candle light. “Liam. You ... you will come back, won’t you?”

“Of course I will. Now lay down and sleep. I’m leaving before dawn so will be gone when you awake. I shall see you in 3 days. I promise. And I never break my promises.” Niall nodded and settled down in the bed. Liam watched him fall asleep wondering yet once more what atrocities were in his past, but then he didn’t really want to know.

Anto watched him and Nicholas prepare to leave. “Now then lad. Take care.”

“As always Anto.”

“I mean it. There’s a lot depending on you returning safely. Not just the mission either.” They both knew he meant Niall.

“Take care of him Anto.”

“Aye lad, as good as you do. Zayn and I will look after him.” For some reason this made Liam angry. He didn’t want Zayn looking after Niall, but he nodded and turned his horse.

Anto watched him leave with tears in his eyes. If Liam failed to return, two lives would be lost. Anto was sure of that!

Just because he hadn’t wanted Niall to die didn’t mean he needed him or wanted him – he was getting addled in the brain!

Zayn looked up. "Hi Liam!" He gave him a big smile. "Did you have a good ride?"

"Yes thanks." Liam kept his answers short. "How’s Niall?"

"Hasn’t woken up yet, but he’s been a bit restless."

"Hardly surprising, given what he’s been through. I’m going to give him his supper so you can go now!" Realising he had sounded a bit rude he added hastily "Thanks for sitting with him." He gave a quick smile.

"No trouble – any time!" Zayn stood up and gave a final smile at the sleeping boy. "He’s sweet like that, I think he might bring us luck!"

"We make our own luck." Liam was matter of fact. "You’d better take sleepy as well!"

Zayn smiled at Harry – he was hardly able to be described as sweet but he loved him so much. "Oi Haz!" He shook him. "Come on, wake up!"

"Are we fighting yet?"

"I bloody well hope not. Liam wants to give Niall his supper!"

"Supper! Great! I’m starving." Harry woke fully and practically ran from the room. Zayn grinned at Liam.

"I hope Niall’s as hungry."

To his surprise, Liam grinned back. "Yes I hope so too!" But he doubted it – Liam prepared for battle.

The door closed behind Zayn and he was left alone with Niall. It seemed a pity to wake Niall, he was resting so peacefully and deep sleep was what he needed to heal both his battered body and mind. He looked like an angel that had fallen from the sky, but Liam knew different. He also knew that he wouldn’t heal and grow strong without nourishment and it was a long time since he’d eaten.

"Niall. Wake up!" Liam didn’t want to frighten him even more.

Niall stirred and turned over. He started to mumble, still asleep. "Not again, sir. Please it hurts."

"Niall. You have to eat. Wake up." He touched Niall gently on the shoulder. Niall’s eyes snapped open full of fear. 

"Please don’t." Then he saw Liam, and fought to calm his breathing.

"I’m not going to do anything to you, Niall. I just want you to eat this broth." Niall nodded. He wasn’t hungry. He hadn’t been hungry for months. Even when he hadn’t eaten – there was always this lump between his throat and his stomach. But he didn’t want to displease Liam by not eating – Liam had been nice to him. So far. He struggled to rise but there was no strength in his limbs and to his shame Liam had to help him. Liam made no big issue of it. He’d expected it. But he was shocked anew at how thin Niall was. How his bones stuck out. He realised once more that Niall must have a charmed life to have survived.

"OK Anto wants a clean bowl. He’s not the best cook, but it smells OK." He arranged it so that he was sat alongside Niall on the bed, with Niall resting on him. He lifted the full spoon to Niall’s mouth. Niall obediently swallowed the broth. He’d tasted far worse during the last few months. All the time he was conscious of Liam’s eyes on him, and a funny fluttery feeling in his chest and stomach. He had never had it before, didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was something to do with his injuries or the hot broth hitting his stomach. But it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling.

He was quickly full – Anto had anticipated that and not given him too much, he knew the lad’s stomach would have probably shrunk. Liam smiled at the empty bowl. "Well done." He took a cloth and wiped Niall’s face and gave him a drink of water. "How do you feel Niall?"

"Better, sir ... Liam."

"I mean really. In here." He pointed to Niall’s heart.

"I don’t understand."

"I know you hurt there Niall, that you’re sad. I thought I’d hurt you this afternoon."

"Oh no. It wasn’t you sir.. Liam." Damn it, would he ever remember?

"I know now! I asked Anto. He says ... that you lost your family to the warriors."

"Yes sir." Niall fixed his gaze ahead, not even bothering to tack ‘Liam’ onto the ‘Sir’, desperately fighting back the tears.

"I know how much that must hurt Niall. I ... I lost someone I loved to the warriors too." Niall glanced up in surprise. 

"You did Sir Liam?"

"Yes and it hurts so much. But I know that if or when I feel ready to talk about it, I have people who will listen and help. I just want you to know, that if ... if you ever want to talk about what happened to you ... then I’m here Niall. I will listen. You’re not alone anymore." Liam wasn't sure if he was getting over to Niall what he was trying to say – he didn’t even know why he had started this conversation.

"Thank you, Liam."

Liam looked at Niall. There was so much pain in him ... so many bad things must have happened – it hadn’t just been losing his parents, traumatic as that was. He thought of his own self imposed emotional isolation and didn’t want Niall to go through that. He was only a boy. He reached out and patted Niall’s shoulder awkwardly. "We suffer for a reason Niall, the Bible teaches us that."

"I know."

"I don’t know what the reason is yet, but one day it will become clear. I’m sure of that Niall, so don’t give up. Now get some rest."

"Yes sir Liam." Niall obediently closed his eyes. Liam smiled. 

"And stop calling me Sir Liam," he murmured. Gently stroking the thick blond hair. It was beautiful now it was clean. The colour of golden corn at harvest time. He was a beautiful boy, full stop. With some flesh on his bones and colour in his cheeks, then he blushed at the thought and picked up the empty bowl. He was definitely losing it!

Niall lay until Liam’s footsteps had echoed down the stairs. He wasn’t asleep. The touch of Liam’s hand had panicked him at first, maybe the young lord did want sex. But the soft stroking had soothed and calmed him, and now that he was gone, Niall felt like crying again – only for a different reason. One he couldn’t name!


	9. Chapter 9

3 days later.

“OK Niall, we have to bathe your back again.” Anto carried in the bowl of warm water and prepared himself for battle... Niall didn't take kindly to this any more than he had done in the beginning. He would pull away from Anto. Crying and praying as Anto tried to lay him on his stomach so he could get to the injuries more easily. Then there would be the battle to raise Niall’s nightshirt. It was an exhausting and traumatic process for all concerned that had to be carried out twice a day. Niall’s back was healing well but there was always the danger of reoccurrence of the infection that had almost taken the boy’s life.

Niall muttered something and pressed back against the sheets. Anto didn’t understand it, it should be nowhere near as painful now. But then there was a lot he didn’t understand about Niall and Niall had not revealed anything else about his past to help Anto with his understanding.

Luckily Liam came in from feeding his horse. Anto sighed with relief. Niall always calmed for Liam. OK, he was still terrified and still physically shook, but with Liam’s arm round him at least Anto could get to Niall’s back. Once he had started to bathe it, Niall usually was OK. Not relaxed, but not struggling.

Liam took in the scene. Anto with the water. Niall whimpering in one corner of the big bed, knees drawn up into his chest, eyes full of fear. Liam didn’t understand it either. Didn’t understand why Niall genuinely feared Anto. Anto had the calmest manner and gentlest hands. Liam remembered being sick as a child and how Anto could always make him feel better. Nicholas had said the same thing. So why was Niall so scared round him? He wouldn’t eat for Anto either. This was driving Liam to desperation. He had to go to the territories of Killarney soon, he’d put it off but there was a coalition to be formed and with the warriors growing bolder again he would have to make it sooner rather than later. As much as he hated to admit it, Sligo needed their help. And he didn’t want to admit that he didn’t want to leave Niall, was fearful for the boy without his presence.

“Is it that time Anto? Come now Niall, you know by now no one will hurt you.” Niall didn’t look convinced. Liam sighed and sat on the bed. “OK then I’ll hold you.” Niall came to his arms almost willingly. All of the fight leaving him although he was still tense in Liam’s arms. Anto shook his head. He didn’t understand it, and wasn’t sure if he liked it. He’d wanted Liam to care for Niall, not for Niall to get totally dependent on Liam, but there was little he could do at that minute.

Liam tried to calm his breathing. Another time passed and no one had made a demand on his body. He couldn’t work them out, and he couldn’t ask them. He didn’t know why he felt so safe with Liam. Anto had never said a harsh word to him. His brain didn’t make sense. Anto took the water away chuntering under his breath. He felt, not jealous but taken for granted. He did 90% of the taking care of Niall, sat up with him, made his food, washed the bedding when Niall had an ‘accident’ at night after a particularly violently nightmare – all the dirty jobs yet Liam was the only one the kid trusted. Oh well that was life.

Liam sat on the bed and tried to tidy Niall’s hair. “Niall, why don’t you let Anto bathe your back? You know he has to.”

“I do, si ... Liam.”

“Only after screaming the place down and when I’m here! What difference does it make if I’m holding you? Anto wouldn’t hurt you, you know that.”

Niall shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Niall that’s not an answer. Does having your back bathed trigger an unpleasant memory?” Niall didn’t answer – Liam saw him biting his lip.

“Niall talk to me! We can’t help you if you don’t tell us what’s scaring you?” Still no answer. Liam sighed – Niall was as stubborn as he was.

“I’ll go and get your breakfast.”

Anto was stirring the pot of porridgey stuff with unusual vigour. “It’s not my fault Anto. I’ve tried to talk to him. He won’t tell me.”

“He’s still having the nightmares though?”

“Yes. Lord help him. He screams and screams until I think his heart will give out.”

Harry wandered in to hear the last remark. “I know that. We hear him every night. He’s a strange one. I think he’s lost his mind. Hey! Get off me Payne!”

Liam had turned round at the remark about Niall losing his mind and had slammed Harry against the wall and pinned him there, one arm across his throat. “Never let me hear you say that about Niall again! He’s been through hell, no wonder he’s disturbed. A great spoiled oaf like you would have no understanding.“

“Let me go.”

“Just remember! It's OK Anto I wouldn’t soil my hands.” Liam realised he’d reacted a bit sharply and released Harry. He filled a bowl with the porridge and made towards the door. “I’m taking Niall his breakfast.”

Harry looked at Anto. “What on earth?”

“His feelings for Niall are confused.”

“You can say that again. I think I got the wrong one down as losing his mind. Enough porridge left for me?” It took a lot to throw Harry!

Niall was biting his nails. He couldn’t tell Liam, couldn’t tell him that it was being laid on his stomach that brought on the fear. That it was how Lord Richard had taken him. That when his face was pressed against the pillow or mattress that it brought blinding flashes of memories. Pain filled memories. That he could feel the man inside of him. He shook his head to clear the frightening images.

“OK clean bowl time.” Niall was able to sit up and feed himself now and did so to please Liam, but not this morning. His eyes were tear-filled and he had barely had one spoonful before placing the bowl on his lap. Liam felt anger inside, and a little guilt. If he hadn’t pressed Niall about his past Niall would have eaten the porridge on his own. But he was angry at the boy for making it harder for both of them.

“All right Niall. I’ll feed you this time but you have to realise …” he sat next to Niall on the bed and pressed the first spoonful on him. “You have to realise ... that I can’t feed you the whole time. That you are getting stronger and have to do these things for yourself. However upset you feel. If I stopped eating every time I was upset then there’d be nothing left on me.” Niall accepted the food Liam gave him but showed no sign of responding to the gentle chastising. Liam wouldn’t have believed he could be so gentle, if it had been Harry or Zayn or even Anto he would have told them to fucking pull themselves together. Only one other person would have got the same gentleness as Niall was getting.

The bowl was empty. Niall’s usual routine was a sleep now. There was little he could do in bed and he was nowhere near strong enough to get up. Plus the sleepless nights took their toll on him. They were slowing down his physical recovery considerably.

“Niall, you’re not going to like this. But I have to go away tomorrow. For a little while.”

“Why?” Niall’s voice was shaking. “Is it me? Have I displeased you?”

Liam looked at him. “Of course not. In what way could you displease me Niall? You know I am a soldier. I have to go to Killarney and supervise the formation of a coalition to fight the warriors. I shall be gone three days. Anto and Zayn will take care of you.”

He saw Niall was shaking physically. “Niall you have to listen to me. You must let Anto bathe your back and you must eat for him. Do you understand? I want to see you looking much stronger when I get back.” Niall nodded but Liam saw the tears running down his face and felt guilty. Which came out as anger. “And for the Lord’s sake there’s no need to cry. Anyone would think I was dragging you into Mullingar to give you back to that bastard I took you from. Maybe I should!” He regretted the words as soon as they came out. Niall made no noise but his body crumpled as he buried his face in his hands. 

“Niall. I didn’t mean that. I’d never do that. Come on Niall.” Niall continued to cry silently. Liam felt like kicking himself. He was usually so careful what he said round Niall but the tension of having the boy dependent on him and him solely for 24 hours a day had strained him and he was scared about leaving him. Niall responded to no one like himself, which made the threat he had just made far more meaningful than if someone like Harry had said it! Oh fuck him and his big mouth.

He sat on the bed next to the crying boy. “Niall I’d never do that. I’d die before I let them hurt you again. I was just angry. Frustrated because I have to go on this mission, and I know you won’t eat for Anto. And you have to. Do you understand me?”

Niall made no attempt to answer. He just sobbed. It was unnerving, the lack of noise. As if he was frightened to make any sound, for fear of reprisals. Slowly Liam wrapped an arm round Niall’s shoulders. “Come on Niall, stop crying. You know it won’t always be like this. You’ll be strong enough to come with us one day. If you want to stay with a tactless bastard like me?”

Niall didn’t want to give in to Liam’s comfort. Liam was angry at him, and with reason. Niall couldn’t tell him it wasn’t so much the thought of being dragged back to Simon or even Lord Richard that made him cry - but the thought that Liam didn’t want him. Then Liam’s arm was holding him and the warmth was driving out the fear - Liam was saying that one day he wanted him to stay. His tears slowed.

Liam heaved a sigh of relief at NIall’s snuffly noises that indicated he was stopping crying. He had expected one of Niall’s major flashbacks. Complete with hysterics, vomiting and bedwetting and he wouldn’t have been able to blame the boy, only himself. It had been a tactless and downright cruel thing to say and he would hate himself for a long time. He held Niall a bit long, hoping the small blond lad felt safe. That he hadn’t done lasting damage.

“OK now. You look tired. Want to sleep?”

Niall nodded. “Want me to stay while you fall to sleep?” Niall nodded again. Liam smiled. He’d known that answer. At least it got him out of cleaning the stables. Niall was soon on the point of dozing off. “Would you want to stay here Niall, when you get well?” It was the first time Liam had dared mention Niall’s future.

“If you wish it Liam?”

“You could come with us then.”

“I can’t ride Liam.” Niall’s voice sounded more normal than in a long while. Liam laughed.

“That’s not a problem. I can teach you. Now sleep.”

Niall was already snoring softly. Liam stood up and looked at the blond. “I’m sorry Niall for what I said.” Then he raised his eyes heavenward. “Why me Lord? I’m not denying there is a purpose in all this but I wish you’d see fit to enlighten me.” There was no divine sign, no thunderclap. Liam sighed and picked up the empty bowl. He hadn’t really expected one!

Liam looked over at Nicholas as they prepared for the following day’s journey. His elder brother was whistling happily. If only he could be that happy – he doubted being happy ever again. The nearest he even felt to contentment was watching Niall rest peacefully. A strange feeling ran through him and he had to force himself back into the present. He shook his head as though to clear it and became aware of Nicholas staring intently.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just wondering if you are on form for this mission little brother?”

“Of course I am.”

“You’re not distracted by ... anything?”

“Such as?”

“Liam. I’m your brother – I know that you care for young Niall.”

“I don’t. I just didn’t want to see him die that’s all.”

“Really?”

“Yes really. Don’t worry Nicholas. I’m totally focused on this.” They walked back to the main building. As they walked in the kitchen they became aware of a commotion upstairs. Liam and Nicholas exchanged looks. “NIALL,” Liam was through the door and up the stairs before Nicholas had time to move.

Niall had fallen into a deep sleep when Liam left. Deep enough for the terrors that stalked at night to gain access, even on a sunny mid morning. ***** “What use would I have with a miserable specimen like you, Niall?” It was Liam’s voice, but there was no kindness in it.

“P ... please, sir.” Niall was on his knees, hands bound behind his back.

“Please? You don’t know the meaning of the word. You don’t know how to please me. But you pleased Lord Richard. I think he should have you back.”

“No sir. Please. I’ll do what you wish.”

“Too late Niall. You have missed your chance. You are worthless, you caused the deaths of your family and Paul. You are physically weak, unable to earn your keep. And you resist in bed. Anto. Take him to Lord Richard. My gift to him. And tell him to make sure it hurts.”

Niall began to scream for mercy, but Anto dragged him from the room. Then everything went black. He came to, spread-eagled on his belly on a bed, the ropes that held him to the beds four posts were tight and cut into his flesh. He began to cry.

“Ah Niall, we meet again. Still the snivelling wretch.” It was Lord Richard’s voice, the voice he’d never forget. “I have been looking forward to our re-acquaintance.” Suddenly the cruel hands were on his body, ripping his under garments off. “So beautiful Niall. So beautiful and all mine. You didn’t please Lord Payne.”

“He ... he ... n ... never ... asked me … to” Niall sobbed.

“You should not need asking! Did you learn nothing from our encounters? You shall learn Niall. I was too kind before. I shall not make that mistake again.”

The evil lord produced a whip and Niall screamed as it bit into his shoulders and the small of his back. It went on and on. Niall was losing consciousness then brutally brought back to reality as the man forced himself into him. “NOOOOO!” *****

Liam entered his chamber to a nightmare scene. Zayn and Anto were trying to calm a thrashing Niall without much success. The bedclothes were all over and Niall had knocked the small table that stood beside the bed over. Niall himself was a quivering screaming wreck, the hysteria lent him strength and Anto didn’t know what to do. He could forcibly restrain the boy but that could scar him worse. But one of the wounds on Niall’s back had re-opened and was bleeding. The boy could do himself serious damage. He prepared to pin the terrified lad down.

“No wait. Let me try!” Liam’s voice rang with authority. He was horrified at the state of Niall, but didn’t want him to suffer any more.

Anto moved aside as Liam approached the bed. “Niall, its’ all right, it’s just a dream. Wake up Niall. Come on, wake up for me.”

Niall didn’t respond at first. Liam ducked a blow and lay one hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Niall, you’re safe. Now wake up. Come back to me Niall.”

“No. Please. Don’t take me back there.” Niall panted – Liam groaned. remembering his hasty threat of the morning. It had obviously done more damage than he had thought.

“Niall. I told you. I didn’t mean to say that. I’m not taking you anywhere.”

“Please don’t let him hurt me. Please. Not like that. Not ... not there. Hurts ... hurts so much.”

“I know Niall, but it’s over. Lay back and rest. Lay back.” Liam managed to run one hand gently through the blond hair, now matted with sweat. Niall seemed to relax so Liam kept up the stroking and soft murmuring. Niall slumped back onto the bed. The first thing he was aware of was the gentle voice – Liam’s voice, and then the soothing stroking. With difficulty he opened his eyes which were sticky with crying. The late afternoon sun shone through the window and the room was quiet. Bringing things into focus he saw a pair of soft brown eyes. He tensed remembering the Liam in his dreams. But the eyes smiled at him, crinkling. “You with me now Niall?”

He became aware that he was in bed, and to his shame realised he had had another ‘accident’. The sheets were wet as was the nightshirt he had on. He blushed. Liam instinctively knew what he was embarrassed about. “It’s all right Niall, it wasn’t your fault. We were waiting for you to come round before we moved you to change the bedding – and you!”

He rang a bell and Anto appeared, puffing with annoyance. “What is it Liam?”

“Niall’s awake. He can’t lie in a wet bed. I’ll take him to your chamber and bathe him whilst the bed is sorted.”

“All right! How is he?”

“Not saying much.“

With ease Liam picked Niall’s limp body out of the bed and carried him to another chamber. Talking soothingly to him the whole time he quickly stripped Niall of the wet nightshirt and sat him in the tin bath of warm water.

Niall burst into tears. It was too much like the scenes that always followed an attack by the Lord Richard. The abuse, then Paul bathing him. But Liam wasn’t thrown this time, nor did he demand to know why Niall was crying. “I guess all these memories are pretty painful, Niall. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean it. I’d never give you back to any of them. You’re not mine to give.”

“Then whose am I?”

Liam was startled – he hadn’t expected a reply. “You belong to no one but yourself Niall. I’m merely looking after you till you can care for yourself.” Niall looked at him with wondering eyes. This man was talking about his freedom, but freedom meant nothing to Niall.

Liam quickly bathed him and dried him, finding him another nightshirt. He dressed the wound that had re-opened on Niall’s back then carried him back to his room. Niall was very sleepy and very confused. The only escape was the darkness of sleep, he closed his eyes.

Liam sat and watched him till the early evening. Nicholas came in. “SO you won’t be distracted then little brother?”

“No. That was an unfortunate happening.”

“Be even more unfortunate if it happens when you’re in Killarney!”

“Nicholas. Niall will be fine,” but he wondered.

Anto wasn’t as confident. “Liam, this is getting out of hand.”

“I know, but it’s not my fault. Well perhaps today was.” Shamefully he recounted what had happened at breakfast.

“Maybe, but he has night terrors and will only calm for you. What am I supposed to do, Liam?”

“I don’t know. “

He took a bowl of broth up to Niall who was awake, lying calming in the bed. “Supper time!”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Niall don’t start all that again. You have to eat.”

“You’re going away.” It was a statement not a question. Liam shivered at Niall’s tone.

“Only for 3 days Niall. I have to. Many people’s lives depend on it.”

Niall nodded. “I know.”

“And you must eat for Anto and do as he says. Just as you do for me. Please Niall.”

Niall half nodded. Liam continued. “And you must eat this.” To his surprise Niall picked up the spoon. He mentally breathed a sigh of relief. 

After he’d eaten Niall lay looking at Liam in the candle light. “Liam. You ... you will come back, won’t you?”

“Of course I will. Now lay down and sleep. I’m leaving before dawn so will be gone when you awake. I shall see you in 3 days. I promise. And I never break my promises.” Niall nodded and settled down in the bed. Liam watched him fall asleep wondering yet once more what atrocities were in his past, but then he didn’t really want to know.

Anto watched him and Nicholas prepare to leave. “Now then lad. Take care.”

“As always Anto.”

“I mean it. There’s a lot depending on you returning safely. Not just the mission either.” They both knew he meant Niall.

“Take care of him Anto.”

“Aye lad, as good as you do. Zayn and I will look after him.” For some reason this made Liam angry. He didn’t want Zayn looking after Niall, but he nodded and turned his horse.

Anto watched him leave with tears in his eyes. If Liam failed to return, two lives would be lost. Anto was sure of that!


	10. Chapter 10

Zayn sat by Niall’s bed as he slept. It was the first night and he had offered to relieve Anto of the constant watch they felt Niall’s condition warranted! Niall was in an uneasy sleep, albeit not natural. Anto, after much deliberation had summoned the physician and asked for a strong sleeping medicine – wanting to make the nights as less stressful as possible for Niall and for themselves. He hadn’t wanted to do it but was fearful of the damage Niall could do to himself, even unintentionally.

The physician had looked at Naill with interest, the lad who should have died. He didn’t believe in miracles but if he had then Niall’s survival was indeed a miracle. On hearing of Niall’s traumatized state he agreed that a powerful sedative would be the best option. Niall had swallowed the liquid without protesting – which made Anto feel even worse about doing it to the lad, but he could see no alternative.

Niall had been no trouble throughout the day but he had barely spoken. He had obediently eaten the breakfast and the supper that Anto brought and then vomited them back up. Anto was worried but didn’t press the issue. Niall hadn’t had hysterics yet, that was the main thing. Not even when Zayn and he had bathed his back. He had been a trembling mess but submitted to the ministrations. 

Zayn was thinking that Liam would go mad when he found out that they had had to drug Niall. Not for the first time did Zayn wonder if Liam was falling for the innocent blond lad in the bed before him. There was certainly some sort of bond there. 

Niall was tossing in the deep sleep that the vile tasting liquid had brought him. For anyone else it would have rendered them totally unconscious, but Niall’s demons were strong enough to break through anything. "No. Please. No sir. Not that. I beg you." They were not the agonised screams of Niall’s torment, rather low hardly audible murmurs, but the fear was still present.

Zayn came back to the present. "Shhh Niall, it's all right. No one will hurt you, you’re safe here."

"Please. Please, it hurts so much... inside me. Please sir. Please!"

Zayn shivered at Niall’s words, wondering what sort of torture they’d used on the boy, then deciding it was best not to think about it. He brushed Niall’s damp hair off his forehead, feeling sick at the terrified whimpers his touch brought. It would be a long night. "I think he’s been ... tortured." Zayn’s appetite went at the words, and he pushed the porridge away.

It was breakfast the next day and Niall was asleep. The medicine seemed to have secondary effects. Zayn was sat having breakfast with Anto and Harry. Anto sighed, that thought had crossed his mind too but he hadn’t spoken it. "What makes you think that Zayn?"

"Some of the things he says in dreams. About not being hurt, begging people to stop hurting him ... that he hurts inside. Lord, it makes me feel sick."

"And me. But torture isn’t legal amongst our people, not even criminals or warrior prisoners." Harry was trying to understand what they were saying. They were talking about something the warriors did, not god fearing people like themselves. "And if Niall had been a warrior prisoner than he wouldn’t be here."

"Harry, just because something isn’t legal doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. You saw the state Niall was in when Liam rescued him. And that was inflicted by our people. What was that but torture?" Zayn looked into his lover’s eyes.

"Yes, that’s true enough ... and a lot more goes on behind closed doors. Haven’t you ever wondered why there aren’t any warrior prisoners Harry?" Anto spoke brusquely to avoid getting too emotional.

Harry went pale, but nodded. "So you think ... that ... Niall ... but, why? How?"

"I don’t think we need to speculate about that especially at the breakfast table! And no one knows why. I’m not saying the warriors haven’t caused the poor little bugger suffering, but I’ll wager all my silver that he’s suffered a lot more at the hands of his own." Zayn and Harry exchanged glances.

That night Zayn watched Niall carefully as once more he slumbered restlessly in his induced sleep. It had been the same, silence all day, just staring in the direction of the horizon, eating without complaint, vomiting it back up and drinking the medicine even though he knew it was to make him sleep.

"No. Sir. I tried. I’m sorry. Please don’t. I hurt so much inside. Not tonight. Please sir." In horror Zayn watched as Niall brought his knees up to his body as if to cover his lower abdomen and private parts. Zayn was beginning to realise what could have happened to Niall and he felt sick. He noticed the way the night terrors always intensified if Niall happened to turn onto his belly. Gently, ignoring the moans of protest he turned Niall back onto his side and held his hands rubbing them soothingly so Niall couldn’t turn back into the position that terrified him. "You poor little lad." Zayn was full of compassion, but how could they help Niall if Niall didn’t acknowledge this had happened to him?

Harry crept in, the bed was empty without Zayn and he couldn’t sleep with empty arms. Zayn was holding Niall’s hands. He turned at the slight sound of Hazza’s footfall and Harry saw the tears in Zayn’s eyes.

"I came to keep you company. What's the matter Zee?"

"I think ... I think, I think someone forced him to ... to have sex. Raped him." He whispered the theory to Harry.

"Oh dear Lord." To Harry, sex was the most beautiful sacred union to be shared with another person to demonstrate the greatest love possible. That it might be used as a torture and punishment was unthinkable. And even worse - that the victim was a scared defenceless teenage boy. "I don’t know what to say ...?"

"Nothing. Just hold me." Zayn carefully placed Niall’s hands on the bed. "Hold me, and never let me go."

Harry pulled Zayn to him in an all protecting hug. Kissing his hair and whispering soothing words, then his mouth found Zayn's. They kissed a long while. Niall was at last peacefully asleep. Then they stole out of the chamber to enjoy passionate lovemaking before the dawn broke.

But Niall hadn’t been asleep. He had woken as Zayn released his hands. Half asleep, he watched in wonder and fear as Harry was drawn closer to Zayn. What was happening? Was Harry punishing Zayn in the same way he himself had been punished by the lords? He didn’t have the strength to help, he had to pretend to be asleep or the curly haired lad might ‘punish’ him also. But he couldn’t resist looking through lowered lashes. Zayn didn’t seem to be in pain. There was no screaming or struggling – in fact he seemed to be pushing himself closer to the big lad. He seemed to be enjoying it! Paul’s words came back to him. "But when two people are in love, whether it's with a man or woman. It’s the most beautiful experience on earth."

So were Harry and Zayn in love? They got up and left, hand in hand. They had to be. Niall had just witnessed part of the ‘beautiful thing’ that Paul had told him about. He lay awake a long while just thinking. Maybe that was why Liam had left him? Maybe Liam wouldn’t be repulsed by the fact that he had done it with lord Richard, but at the fact that he had resisted. Zayn hadn’t resisted Harry. Maybe ... maybe that was how he had to pay for the kindness he had received here? Maybe that was what everyone did? One thing was certain, he couldn’t tell Liam he had been so bad, resisted his past masters. Because he wanted to stay here. He swallowed. He knew what he had to do, but the thought made him shake. He couldn’t. "But you have to. Liam’s your master now. And ... and it might not be too bad. Liam might not hurt you too much." Resolute in his decision, the remaining medicine kicked in and he fell asleep, a tear running down his face.

Two days later.

Liam rode up to the castle. He was relieved to be back safe, and the meeting had gone well. A coalition would be formed. He was becoming quite a diplomat as well as a soldier. Brushing aside Anto’s "How did it go?" with a quick "Nicholas will tell you." He enquired after Niall.

"As well as can be expected. He’s eaten and brought it all up again. I got a sleeping draught from the physician so he’s slept."

Liam froze. "That quack! Why?"

"Because he couldn’t carry on the way he does." Anto challenged Liam. Liam thought of a snide reply, but then let it go! Niall needed him. He fair ran up the stairs.

Niall was laid in bed and he turned as Liam walked in. "Good afternoon Niall. As I promised, I’m back."

"I see sir! Did you have an easy journey?"

"More or less. Maybe next time you will be strong enough to come. Have you ever seen other territories than Mullingar?"

"No sir." Liam realised something was wrong. Niall wasn’t meeting his eyes.

"Niall, what's the matter?"

"You’ve been so good to me sir. Liam."

Liam shrugged. "You needed help. I could give you that help. It was simple."

"I can’t repay you sir. Not with silver."

Liam was genuinely puzzled. "Niall, what's brought this on? I don’t expect payment."

"I’m your slave sir." NIall sat up. His heart pounding. "All I can give you ... is... is ... my body." He pushed off his blankets. He didn’t know what to do next, his masters had all taken the painful initiative.

Liam didn’t believe his ears. If this was a come on, it was the worst in history. Niall was on the point of tears, biting his lip. "Pardon Niall?"

"My body is yours sir, for your pleasure." Niall’s hand was shaking as he placed it high inside Liam’s thigh, almost in his groin. "I submit to your will."

Liam leapt a mile at the soft, hesitant touch. He pushed Niall away far more violently than he intended to. Niall fell back, shocked against the pillow. "What the fuck are you on about Niall? Submit to my will, your body is mine. Lord, where did you get that idea?"

Niall crumpled into tears, partly relief that Liam didn’t seem to want his body and partly that he had gambled everything and lost. Liam rejected him, he was ugly and useless and wouldn’t be allowed to stay at the castle anymore. He felt ... hollow that Liam didn’t want him. But why should he? Liam could have Zayn or Harry or probably anyone more attractive than himself. He limped, was scarred in more than one place and was a trembling wreck. He had nothing in his favour.

"Niall, what the hell’s going on?" Liam was nervous now. It was the last thing he’d imagined. "I don’t know where you got that idea from Niall, but forget it. I don’t accept sex in payment. You owe me nothing except to recover, so I can give you your freedom - and we can both move on. I’ll leave you to recover your senses."

Hastily he ran from the room and the crying boy. He leaned against a wall. "Oh lord no." Because as horrified as he’d genuinely been at Niall’s suggestion, when the soft hand had crept on his groin he had felt a definite stirring in his underwear. Niall aroused him. He felt horribly guilty for even acknowledging that what Niall was suggesting had turned him on. What a mess he was in!

Slowly Liam made his way down the staircase. He was annoyed to find he was shaking like a leaf. The encounter with Niall had thrown him for six, and he realised he had to talk to someone. Anto was the best choice, he would be overseeing the preparation of supper. Maybe he could throw some light onto where this sudden and shocking idea of Niall’s had come from. But he never made it to the kitchen because Zayn was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. The more the black haired soldier had thought about it the more obvious it was. Niall had been sexually abused or raped – he had to have been! And Liam was the one trying to fight through Niall’s defences. He should know. Maybe he’d guessed though.

Harry had thought otherwise. "Zee if Liam knew. He’d have bellowed the place down. You know how protective he is about Niall. Look how he’s turned on me. If he thought someone had raped Niall, he’d have hunted them down by now."

"He might be hunting more than one then!"

Harry had turned pale at that. "You think ... you think it was ongoing ... happened more than once?"

"It's bound to have, but it would be equally bad if it had happened once. I guess I need to talk to Liam when he gets back."

"I don’t envy you. Good luck!"

So he was stood waiting to catch the young lord. He was shaking, but then so was Liam when he appeared down the stairs – he looked more shocked than Zayn had ever seen him. "Liam, are you all right?"

"Yes."

"You look pale. Is Niall all right?" Liam shrugged. Zayn was anxious, but he had to speak. 

"Liam. I need to talk to you."

"It’ll have to wait. I need to see Anto."

"It's about Niall."

Liam froze, then pulled zayn into the dining hall and locked the door. "What about Niall?"

"I don’t know where to start."

"Just tell me."

"Liam. I sat with Niall during the nights you were away. He had the sleeping medicine but he still dreamed, violent dreams. I listened to him carefully and watched his movements and ... and ... I think ..."

"Spit it out." Liam didn’t mean to be as abrupt but he had to know.

"Liam, I think whoever ‘owned’ him in the past ... I think they ... they sexually abused him ... raped him." The words came out in a rush as Zayn was glad to get them out. Liam said nothing, but he looked ashen, then he sat down.

"Liam. Are you all right? Liam?"

"I’m all right. That poor soul upstairs isn’t though. Zayn, I’m going to tell you something, but if you repeat it to anyone I’ll cut your tongue out myself. Do you swear?"

"Yes."

"Niall’s just acted very strangely with me. Talking about repaying me. Then he offered me his body ... for my pleasure."

Zayn looked at Liam in shock. "Jesus Christ," then he quickly prayed for forgiveness for taking the lord’s name in vain. Liam didn’t even notice.

"It made no sense Zayn ... out of the blue. But ... you’ve put it into perspective. It's how Niall’s been treated. Kindness then sexual violence. It explains why he behaves as he does. He wants to trust us, but he cant - because he’s trusted before and ... and been violated. Oh lord. And it’s the only motive he can think of behind my kindness to him. The only way he thinks he can pay." Liam’s eyes blazed fury. "On my life I’ll ..."

"Liam, revenge later. What are you going to do now?"

"I don’t know Zayn. Niall needs to talk about this, and maybe I made it worse because I rejected him - and I wasn’t too kind about it. ’

"But Liam, you’re the only one who stands a chance."

"I know." He moved to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I was going to speak to Anto. I think I need to speak to Niall, however painful it is for us."

Zayn watched him go and then in shock realised it was the first time he and Liam had had a conversation - as equals. Maybe there was hope.

Niall blinked back the tears. Everything was gone. All that was left was his pain. And there was no way out. Then his eyes fixed on the washbowl of water that always stood on the far side of the room. Next to it was the blade Shane used to shave with. He knew it was a sin, but at that moment he didn’t care. The Lord shouldn’t have given him so much torment. "I can’t cope any more. Forgive me."

Slowly, painfully he dragged his weak body out of the bed. Despite healing well he couldn’t stand and dropped to his knees. The chamber floor seemed endless as he crawled towards the shiny object that would bring an end to his mortal pain. His fingers closed round the handle. A moment’s pain and then ... "I’m sorry dad, ,mam." He knew he wouldn’t go to heaven and join them, but it was of little consequence at that moment. As he pressed the blade to his wrist strong hands closed round the arm holding the blade. 

"No Niall. That’s not the answer."

Liam was horrified at the sight of Niall about to take his life but he had very quick reflexes. Not caring about hurting Niall he applied pressure until, whimpering, Niall dropped the blade. He held Niall more gently by both wrists. Niall’s head was bowed and he avoided Liam’s eyes. "Why Niall?"

Niall just bit his lip. Liam looked at him. "I can’t let you commit yourself to eternal damnation - for something that isn’t your fault."

"But it is! And I live in eternal damnation anyway Liam." Niall was wailing now.

Liam bit his lip. The next few minutes were going to be the hardest and most painful of both their young lives, but Liam was determined to make Niall tell him what happened to him.

"Niall if it's what I think it is, then it isn’t your fault. I need to know Niall exactly what happened to you, and neither of us are going anywhere until you tell me. If it takes a year! So will you tell me?" Grasping both Niall’s hands in one of his he used the other hand to gently raise Niall’s chin till he was looking the terrified blond in the eyes. Niall saw only compassion, warmth and pity in the hazel gaze. And maybe something he couldn’t name! Not hatred, scorn or cruelty. He nodded hesitantly.

Liam released Niall’s hands. He was too weak to try anything and if he did, Liam was far quicker. Niall backed against the wall and wrapped his arms round his knees. Liam sat cross legged on the floor and waited. 

Niall took a deep breath. "It started when dad and I harvested the potatoes. They were blighted, and dad needed them to pay the lord his taxes. The lord came for the money. I was digging carrots. He asked me lots of questions, but I never guessed. He offered to leave the taxes if dad would let me go as his personal servant. I didn’t want to. I didn’t know why, but I hated the way he looked at me. It was warm and I didn’t have a shirt on." He blushed at the memory.

Liam imagined Niall shirtless in the sun and knew what the lord had wanted! "Go on."

"Dad sold everything to get the money. He did it too even though we’d go hungry. The lord came back the next day as he’d said. I don’t think he was too happy. He offered dad double the money and some fine clothes and a horse and everything, if I’d go and serve him. But dad was firm and I was glad. So we struggled on, one day I came back from fishing to find ... to find ... warriors outside our cottage and screaming inside. My family’s screams." He paused remembering the day his life had changed forever. "I ran in. It was full of the warriors. Dad was fighting one. My mam and brother and sister were ... dead." The first tear fell. "I grabbed a sword, even though dad was yelling at me to run. I ... I killed one of them. Then ... then one of them cut my thigh. It hurt so much. I screamed and dad came to help me. He lost concentration ... and ... and they killed him. He fell into my arms. I was soaked with his blood and my own." More tears were falling, but he didn’t falter.

"I’m so sorry Niall." Liam felt empty, a lump was in his throat and he didn’t know why.

"It's not your fault. I picked up dad’s sword. He taught us all to use it. I was scared and ... not very good. I managed to cut the warrior leader’s cheek, then he knocked the sword out of my hands. I felt his sword on my cheek. Blood for blood." He fingered the small scar on his right cheek. "I told him to finish what he had started. I couldn’t beg, Liam. Not ever. Then something exploded in my head, and it all went dark. I woke up days later in a fine bed. Like this. My head and leg hurt something cruel and there was a dark haired soldier sat by the bed. He was one of us and always there. Telling me to sleep. But I kept dreaming of my family dying and I asked him if it was true. He had been working for his lord and found us. He wanted to put me out of my pain, but his lord saved me. Got the physician who stitched my wound and they ... they looked after me. I was so sad though. But the soldier, Paul his name was, was like a father to me. He got me strong. Then his lord came to see me. I thanked him, told him I’d work on the land to pay him. He said it wasn’t necessary. I could serve him till I was strong then join the soldiers to avenge my family. I wanted to do that, Liam."

Liam nodded – he understood that feeling!

"So I went to his chambers dressed in the fine clothes he sent me. But he started talking funny and touching my face, undoing my shirt." Niall blinked through the fast falling tears. "Running his hands over my body. He asked me if I knew about sex, told me he wanted to fuck me. And that if I resisted, he’d kill me and fuck me as I died. I tried to get away, but my damn leg was weak. I fell. He tied me on my belly to the bed and ... and ... he ..." Niall searched for the right word.

"He raped you Niall. Do you know what that means?"

"Not really, sir. He said I was an ignorant peasant with no other use."

"It means he forced you to have sex when you didn’t want to. Sex is between two people who want it."

"That’s what Paul tried to tell me. I couldn’t believe how anyone could want to do that. But Paul tried to explain it as he bathed me afterwards. I was covered in blood and his ... stuff. And I hurt so much. After that, he summoned me every night. I had to bathe first and he’d ... rape me. Usually tied on my front, but sometimes he’d make me suck him. Down there. And I used to displease him, because I could never ... never ... swallow." Niall was blushing now. "He would beat me and say I was useless. But I tried, Liam. I tried to swallow, and I was sick ... which made him worse."

Liam wanted to shut Niall up right there. It was unbearable listening to this ... but Niall, now he’d started was like a burst dam, the words flooded from him. And Shane knew he had to release it.

"Sometimes ... he’d stroke me and laugh, because I’d sin Liam. He told me it was a sin and that no one would ever love me and that I enjoyed it really. Then he’d put his fingers in me and I’d sin again." Niall was covering his face with his hands. "And then Paul would take me back and clean me and hold me. Nice holding. Not hurting with his fingers. Just his arms round me and rock me and I’d forget for a little while and sleep. But his lordship thought Paul and I were ... doing what he himself did to me, and he had Paul killed. Then after he told me this, he told me he didn’t want me any more and I was no longer innocent. That he wanted some money back, so he told John who’d killed Paul to sell me as a slave. But he raped me first on my bed."

"Oh Lord." Liam wanted to hold Niall so much but, he daren’t. Afraid it would push Niall over the precipice he was balanced on.

"I don’t know who bought me, but it was for sex. He did everything like that to me again, but he wasn’t as careful about securing me and I ran away. And got caught.He tied me to a post and used a horsewhip on me, and he liked the noise I made.So he did it even if I was good. So I kept trying to run away and he keot beating me but he got sick of it, he had other slaves who were better in bed than me. He told me that so he sold me to Simon. Simon just wanted people to build his properties. He liked girls for sex so I worked as hard as I could which was never hard enough and I prayed to die. I almost did and then you found me. That’s it really."

Liam sat looking at Niall who was staring at his knees. "Niall, until today I thought no one had suffered like I had. Now I know you have suffered a hundred times more."

"I’m a sinner Liam. That’s why."

"No you aren’t Niall, you’re a victim. Oh Jesus, why didn't you tell us?"

"I couldn’t sir. I had sinned and ... and I thought that you'd despisde me for sleeping with a man and then resisting the command of my lord." 

"No Niall, never. I could slaughter that man. Liam's eyes were blazing with anger. But why did you offer your body to me, when sex was the worst thing you’d ever suffered?"

"To repay you. I have nothing else. But you don’t desire me. I saw Zayn and Harry kissing and I realised you probably liked it too and I thought ... I thought ... His lordship was right. I am an ignorant peasant."

"No you’re not. Harry and Zayn are a couple, in love."

"I thought they seemed to be enjoying it."

Despite everything Liam almost laughed at that remark. "Oh Niall. They do!" Niall looked at him with eyes full of wonder. Liam got a grip on himself. 

"What now sir?"

"I don’t know Niall. Certainly I do not expect any ‘payment’ from you, especially of that kind. I want you to stay Niall. When you’re well, I’m sure you’ll be very helpful around the place. And now that I know, maybe the terrors will go a little for you. No one will ever hurt you here, you have to believe that."

"I do sir." Niall let out a yawn, he was shaking slightly.

"I think you should be back in bed." He watched as Niall tried and failed to pick himself up off the floor. "You really need to eat more Niall. May I pick you up?" Niall bit his lip, then nodded. Relaxing into the strong arms as they held him close the short journey to his bed. 

"Now sleep. Niall, it's up to you, but I think Anto should know your sad story. I won’t tell him without your permission, but it could make things easier for you. And him."

"Then tell him."

"Thank you Niall. And thank you for trusting and sharing. I will help you rebuild your life, Niall... I promise you that."

"Thank you."

"Now rest. Shall I stay awhile?"

"Please, Liam. I’m still scared. I feel them in the dark."

"Not while I’m here. My hand is alongside yours, if you need to hold it."

"Liam. You said you thought you had suffered. Do you mind my asking how?" Liam thought. He had told no one his deepest feelings,but Kian had bared his soul, trust deserves trust – he made a decision.

"No Niall, but it is too long a story for tonight. I'll tell you tomorrow, it's about the sorrow of love, and losing it."

"Oh."

‘Have you ever felt love Niall? Not abuse, but love?" 

"Not like that! No one will ever love me like that."

Liam said nothing until Niall’s deep blue eyes had closed in sleep, then he whispered softly, "but they will Niall. They will." And he ran his hand protectively over the blond hair.


	11. Chapter 11

Liam had no idea how long he sat there stroking Niall’s hair, watching him sleep – but it was a while. The emotions running through him were feelings he had suppressed for so long. Pity, compassion. Maybe even love, although he dismissed that thought immediately. He was only brought back to the present with a soft knocking on the chamber door.

"Come in," he kept his voice low, he didn’t want to awaken Niall. Zayn slipped into the room and smiled at the sight of Liam and Niall. To him they seemed so right for each other yet he didn’t even have the faintest idea what Niall’s feelings were.

"Forgive my intrusion Liam, but you were away so long. I wondered what had happened – if everything was all right?"

Liam shook his head. "Not yet. But maybe one day, God willing."

"Did he tell you?"

Liam knew that Zayn wasn’t just being nosy. That he genuinely cared for Niall. It was that caring he wasn’t too happy about. But that was nonsense he told himself. He didn’t love Niall, didn’t love anyone and Zayn loved Harry anyway. Niall was so fragile, everyone cared for him. He looked into Zayn’s eyes. "Yes."

"And ...? Or is it private?"

"I don’t think so. He said I could tell Anto. I think you need to know anyway. It's not going to be the easiest thing for him to deal with. After his family were killed by the warriors, he was taken in by one of the Mullingar lords, nursed back to health. Then ... then the bastard raped him. Repeatedly."

"Oh lord." Yet it wasn’t a shock, Zayn had expected something like that. But Liam hadn’t finished.

"He abused Niall mercilessly, and told him he was the sinner. Then he killed the only person to befriend Niall and sold him into slavery. The first time he was continually raped and beaten. The second was when we found him."

"Oh lord, Liam. The poor little bugger. That’s why he is so ..."

"Traumatised! Yes!"

"What are you going to do Liam?"

"Tell Anto. And get him through it!"

"Liam!"

"Zayn, I can do it. I have to. Now will you sit with him whilst I go and speak to Anto?"

"Of course."

"Thank you."

Zayn watched him leave, wondering about the depth of feelings Liam had for the boy.

Anto was mending a tunic. He glanced up when Liam walked into the chamber. "Well, you’ve surfaced have you? Nicholas was looking for you!"

"I had more important things to do. I was with Niall."

A pained expression crossed Anto’s face at the name. "Oh."

"Anto. I know why Niall is as he is! He told me everything. And ... and it's not pretty." He quickly told Anto everything, leaving out no details. Anto turned white and crossed himself. He’d expected a horror story, but this was worse than he’d imagined. "The poor sod."

"So now you see why he is as he is?"

"Certainly Liam but ... but what are you going to do now?"

"Get him through it!"

"Liam, it won’t be easy."

"Anto, don’t you think I don’t know that? But what am I meant to do? Leave him trapped in guilt and fear for the rest of his life? He’s 18 Anto, he needs a life."

"And you’re 19, and your only life is revenge and death."

"Not any more Anto. This is my chance to make up for causing Michael’s death. I have to save Niall. I have a purpose." Anto wanted to argue with Liam, that he hadn’t caused Michael’s death. That Niall was more than an object to absolve his guilt with. But it wasn’t the time. Liam was saying the words he’d wanted to hear, that he at last had a purpose in life, that that purpose was Niall. Did it matter which way Liam travelled as long as he got to his destination? So he just nodded, and prayed.

Liam yawned. It had been a long emotional day and he was tired. Niall was curled up on his side at one end of the enormous bed. It looked so tempting to crawl in behind him, hold him. But he resisted. He didn’t want to scare Niall, and just because Niall had trusted, had opened up - didn’t mean he wasn’t still scared. It was like breaking a young horse. He had to go slowly and carefully. He curled up on the hard floor once more.

"No. Please. NO! Paul! Paul!" Niall’s shouts pulled Liam back to the present.

"It's OK Niall. I’m here. I’m here. Relax. Relax." Liam gently sat Niall up. He was awake and sweating profusely. He recognised Liam and clung to him.

"Li.. Liam."

"It's OK." He hugged Niall that bit closer.

Niall buried his face in Liam’s chest, feeling safe. "It was ... he was ... I thought ... I thought now I’d told you ... the nightmares would stop. They’re never going to stop, are they? I’m always going to be like this."

"No Niall, you’re not. They’ll go in time as you learn to trust, learn to live a new life, free of pain and fear and abuse. I swear that to you Niall. I swear it."

"Really?" Niall lifted his face from the comforting cloth of Liam’s nightshirt to look him in the eyes, an expression of hope and curiosity on his face.

"I promise. Now sleep." He tried to prise Niall loose, but Niall was having none of it.

"Please Liam. Don’t leave me."

"I’m not leaving you. I’m just here by the bed."

"I’d rather you be with me. Hold me like Paul used to. I never dreamed then." Liam groaned. He was trying to block the knowledge that he wanted to lie next to Niall more than anything in the world, but he didn’t want to appear a close second to Paul - who obviously had hero’s status in Niall’s world. Pulling the blanket up to Niall’s chin he lay alongside him on top of the bed, pulling his own blanket over himself so there was a layer of blanket between himself and the body he was beginning to desire. He put an arm round Niall.

"That better?"

"Yes. Thank you Liam." Niall sounded so sleepy already. Liam lay awake long after Niall had fallen into a deep dreamless sleep. He decided to spend the next day with Niall, getting to know him. Making the trusting easier. It could only help Niall and it wouldn’t hurt himself.

The sun shining into the chamber woke Liam the next morning. Niall was still asleep, giving tiny little snores. Liam smiled and decided it would be safe to leave him to get some breakfast for them both. The kitchen was empty. The pot of porridge simmering on the stove. Liam investigated the pantry also. There was a slab of bacon and some fresh bread. Niall needed more than porridge to put strength into his limbs. He hacked off several slices of the bacon and grabbed a loaf and some fresh butter. Then he put some porridge into two bowls, added honey and milk and carefully negotiated the stairs with the load.

He made it through the door but it slammed behind him, making Niall jump as it woke him from his deep slumber. "It's OK Niall, just me." Niall relaxed. "Just been raiding the kitchen for breakfast before Harry gets there."

Niall gave a small smile. Liam grinned back. "I don’t know why you’re smiling. You have to eat this! With my help of course."

"I cannot eat that."

"You have to try. Niall, the world is passing you by as you lie sick in this bed. There is so much out there for you. We have to get you strong. Now let's eat this porridge." Liam passed him a full bowl and took the other. It was the first time they had eaten together. The first time Niall had actually made any kind of real effort. He emptied the bowl as did Liam. Then Liam produced the bacon.

"Liam, I can’t ..."

"No such word. You eat that and me and you will spend the day talking. You must get lonely up here all day." Niall nodded. He did. There was usually someone sat with him but they seemed to assume that Niall just wanted to sleep and left him. And he was nervous about starting the conversation. He picked up the food and began to nibble it, never taking his eyes off of Liam. Liam smiled, at last he was getting somewhere.

To Niall’s surprise, and to Liam’s, he cleaned the plate.

"Well done Niall. How do you feel today?"

"Full!" His belly was round, unaccustomed to so much. Liam smiled and patted it gently. 

"You need to eat Niall."

"I haven’t had as much food as that since ... his lordship. But even then he would try to keep me hungry at times. Said it would give me greater appetite for ...him. He didn’t realise, I was never hungry in the first place." Niall's face grew sad. Liam rested his hand on Niall's belly.

"NIall. I have never asked you. Who was he?"

"Why do you wish to know?"

"So I can ... avenge you?"

"Why Liam? He took me in. I owed him. You can’t spill blood for that ... and it won’t change things will it? I won’t get ... get my ... virginity back. My innocence." A tear hit the blanket. "I only want revenge on the bastards who killed my family, my 12 year old sister and 3 year old brother. That’s the revenge I want."

"I want revenge on the warriors too."

Niall remembered Liam was going to tell him about his tragedy, but he didn’t like to ask. Liam remembered however. "So Niall, you were honest with me last night. It's my turn now. I grew up here with my brothers. Son of Lord Payne of Mullingar. Anto was, still is, my mentor. I was happy. I was surrounded by love. I had a wonderful best friend. Michael. He was a couple of years older than me. Blond hair. Eyes the colour ... well of your eyes. He was my fencing partner. My wrestling partner. My life. I was surrounded by pretty girls, all wanting to become a lady of Mullingar, but I wasn’t interested. They didn’t make my heart beat faster. Not like Michael. But I didn’t know that love between two men was allowed. The bible says not but ... Father said it didn’t matter who we love as long as we were loved back. And Michael loved me back Niall. He caught me with his sword one day by accident. He was so upset. He kissed the wound a hundred times." Liam pulled up his shirt to show the small scar on his flat stomach. "Then he asked if he could kiss me elsewhere." He flushed a faint pink. "I feel so bad telling you this Niall, when your own first, only experiences of sex are so awful. But mine were wonderful. He licked and kissed and sucked me everywhere. His skin was so soft and warm and golden. Then he slid his fingers into me and there was pain, that melted into the greatest pleasure I had ever had. I wanted to feel him in me. Then I wanted to feel me in him. And we made love all night. Every night. He was my soul mate. We lived together, fought together, loved together. And he died without me!"

Liam didn’t cry, he had sworn never to cry but his pain was clearly visible. Niall sat quietly not wanting to say the wrong thing. Liam continued. "It was just a typical warrior battle, they outnumbered us and we were getting thrashed. It sometimes happens like that. Nicholas ordered a retreat. I wasn’t near Michael but I sought him out. We were coming back to the castle. I said a prayer for our deliverance again. I never saw the warrior, till he was nearly on me. He would have killed me, but Michael ... Michael got between us. The bastard killed him. He died for me. I killed the scum, but it was too late. The one person I had ever truly loved was dead. I vowed then I’d never love again and I won’t. All I want is vengeance for his death."

Niall tilted his head thoughtfully. "Like I want vengeance for the deaths of my family."

"Something like that Niall, something like that. But Niall, don’t get like me, twisted. I know what people think, that I’m heartless. A killing machine. No one really likes me."

"Maybe they don’t know you."

"Maybe I don’t know myself." Liam stared out of the window. "I loved Michael so much Niall. It hurts so much. Everyday."

He fell silent. Niall bit his lip. Liam was the one to comfort him, through pain and nightmares, but now he instinctively knew Liam needed the comfort. He hutched himself up the bed and tentatively put a nervous arm round Liam. Liam tensed but didn’t pull away. He wouldn’t admit it but it felt good.

"I’m really sorry Liam, about Michael."

"It’s the past. It can’t be changed. I’m not the only one to suffer. You’ve suffered equally as much. Maybe that’s why we’re meant to ... be together." He winced at how that came out, but Niall didn’t seem to notice.

"Maybe." Niall sensed he needed to change the subject. "Maybe I should try to get out of bed today?"

"You feel that strong?" Liam was delighted inside.

"I feel that stuffed! I need to move." Niall gave a little smile.

"Right then, let's have a walk to the window." Maybe a friendship was truly beginning!

A few weeks later.

"Feeling up to a swim Niall?"

Niall looked at Zayn. "I think so." They were lying by the riverbank where it cut through the castle estates, soaking up the afternoon sun.

"Well, shall we?"

"I’ll just ask Liam." He turned to the brown haired lord who was sat a little apart from the others. "Liam, is it all right if I go for a swim with Zayn?"

Liam looked over, trying to ignore the instinct to say no. "Of course Niall, if you feel capable. It will do you good." He turned to Zayn. "Keep an eye on him. He’s still weak."

"I know that!" Liam’s tone had been accusing. Zayn was in no doubt about that. He quickly stripped to his undershorts. "Come on Niall, get undressed."

Niall hesitated a little. He hated to be undressed - hated people seeing his scarred back. Hated showing his body full stop. It was irrational he told himself. There was only Liam, Anto, Zayn and Harry and they’d all seen his body, seen the wounds. None of them were going to suddenly attack him and rape him, but he still felt nervous. He took a deep breath and shed his clothes too. He followed Zayn into the water.

Liam watched him, emotions battling within him. His eyes were drawn to the scars on Niall’s back, still quite noticeable. Anto said they would fade with time, but never go like Niall’s emotional scars. And it hurt Liam to look at them.

Anto moved closer. "He’s making wonderful progress. You’ve done wonders, but you have to let him have other friends."

"What are you trying to say?"

"That you wished it was you who’d suggested a dip in the river...?"

"Don’t be stupid."

"Well, you didn't sound too happy when Zayn suggested it."

"I didn’t think Niall was fit enough. He’s only been coming outside a few days."

"And it's doing him the world of good Liam. Just think of him a short while ago."

Liam thought. Since that day when he had revealed everything Niall had come on in gigantic leaps. He had begun with short walks around his room, then the upper floor. Then finally allowed Liam to bring him downstairs. He had been nervous, unsure of the reaction he would get. Zayn was always kind to him but he wasn’t too sure about Harry or Anto, despite all the kindness the older man had shown him. It was just Liam, his world revolved round the older boy. Liam had saved him, made him admit if not face his fears. Soothed him through the night, when the evils of his past haunted him. Liam was everything. And he did everything for Liam. Once he was actually downstairs, it wasn’t half as bad as he’d imagined. And now he was strong enough to go out.

"I know Anto. Oh, never mind." He couldn’t find the words so he went back to watching Niall.

Zayn floated and smiled at Niall. "Feels good doesn’t it?" Niall nodded shyly.

"Why did you ask Liam if it was all right?"

Niall blushed. "I’m his slave."

"No, you’re not. Liam doesn’t see it like that Niall. You’re as free as I am."

"I’ll never be free Zayn." Niall’s voice sent a shiver through Zayn, he knew instinctively Niall wasn’t talking about Liam, but someone in his past.

"While you’re in Mullingar Castle you’ll be free Niall. Liam and the rest of us will make sure of that! Water’s not too cold for you?"

"No, it's lovely."

Harry was getting bored. Suddenly he shucked off all his clothes and dived into the river, coming up between Niall and Zayn. "You OK kid?" He ruffled Niall’s wet hair.

Niall smiled. "Yes thanks."

"And how about you sexy?" He turned to his lover and gave him a long kiss. They broke for air, and Harry turned to Niall. "Sorry, but he does things to me."

Zayn kicked Harry. Niall was hung up enough about sex without the two of them getting it off in front of him. He didn’t realise that it was the best therapy for Niall, to see how natural and beautiful a relationship could be. Harry pulled Zayn close, Zayn gasped as he felt the younger boy’s hand in his wet undershorts, then threw his head back in ecstasy as Harry’s probing fingers found his sensitive spot.

Niall averted his eyes. He knew they were going to make love and he didn’t feel right watching. Although part of him found it the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. If only. He pulled himself out of the water and made his way to Anto and Liam.

"Had enough Niall?"

"Yes. It’s a little cold." Instantly Liam was there with the blanket he’d been lying on, wrapping it round Niall, drying him tenderly. Anto smiled. Why couldn’t Liam see it? He and Niall were meant to be.

"Better?" Liam looked anxiously into Niall’s blue eyes.

"Yes thank you."

"Then lay in the sun here. You need to be properly dry before you dress." Niall stretched out on his back then turned on his side so his back was to Liam. Unconsciously Liam found himself tracing the scars gently with his finger.

"Are they ... very bad?" There was a shake in Niall’s voice. He had never seen them.

"Well I won’t lie Niall, they’re not pretty - but they’re fading." Liam cursed himself for touching them in the first place. He’d upset Niall and to top it all he had the desire to kiss them from the base of Niall’s neck to the bottom of his back.

"Some sun on them will do them the world of good Niall." Anto had heard part of the conversation.

"I can’t lay on my belly Liam." Niall sounded panicked.

"I know Niall, just rest on your elbows and look at me. There’s no one here to hurt you Niall." Slowly Niall relaxed, drowning in Liam’s eyes. The sun felt wonderful on his back, a healing warmth. He smiled.

That night as Niall was getting ready for bed he turned to Liam. "I want to see my back."

"Niall."

"Liam. I need to see it."

Liam knew there was no use arguing. "OK. Come over to the mirror." He lifted Niall’s nightshirt. "Now look." Niall caught his breath at the latticework of welts that covered his back. He’d expected it but it didn’t make it any easier. He remembered the way Zayn and Harry had ran their hands over each other. No one would want to do that with him. A tear slid down his nose.

"Niall, don’t cry. They’re getting better truly." Liam pulled the shirt down.

"Maybe ... but they won’t go will they? Like the memories won't go. The feel of him in me. And no one’s going to love me like this, are they?"

"Of course they are."

"Like Zayn and Harry love each other?"

"If that’s the kind of love you want Niall."

"I don’t know, Liam. I just want someone to hold me, touch me and not hurt me and not be sickened by these scars. And the ones in my mind. Who’s ever going to do that?"

"Someone will Niall. Trust me."

"I want someone who I dare to let make love to me. I don’t want to be alone Liam." The tears were coming faster.

"You won’t be Niall. I promise you that." Liam pulled Niall into his arms. "I promise you." Niall stood still in Liam’s arms. Had the older boy just kissed his hair. It felt like it. He smiled through his tears. "Right then, go to bed." Liam guided Niall towards the bed and made to settle on his blankets on the floor.

"Liam. Why don’t you come into the bed? There’s plenty of room."

‘No Niall. I’m fine."

"But you end up in here every night anyway, and if you’re there to start with ... I might not dream."

"Niall." Liam looked at the blond boy, lying in the bed. He looked so innocent. Liam wondered if he had any idea of the way he was starting to drive him wild, that Liam was dreaming about holding Niall in his arms in a far from platonic way. But it made sense. The continuous sleepless nights were beginning to exhaust them both. "OK."

He climbed alongside Niall and tentatively wrapped his arms round him. "Now sleep." Niall snuggled closer. There were no dreams other than happy ones that night.

"There’s trouble on the south-west borders. Lord Richard sent a messenger. We need to take an army out there. Now!" Nicholas delivered the news at breakfast. Liam groaned. Once the thought of conflict and bloodshed was the only thing to gain his interest – now he had another interest, even though he tried to deny it. And he didn’t want to leave him! He glanced at Niall, who was biting his lip. Then he turned to Zayn and Harry.

"We’ll leave directly."

Niall stood up. "May I be excused?" Liam nodded. He didn’t need a tearful confrontation with Niall now. He had to focus - and he had to prepare.

A few minutes and they were ready. Anto was there to see them off. No Niall.

"Hold on a moment." Liam went looking for Niall – he was sat in the window to their room. His room, he corrected himself.

"I’m leaving now Niall. All being well, I shall be back before nightfall tomorrow." Niall nodded. He still didn’t turn and face Liam.

"So you could wish me luck?"

"Good luck. May you have a wonderful victory."

"Niall. I have to go."

"I know that. I’m ... I’m just scared. Scared you won’t come back."

He turned and Liam saw his tears. "Oh Niall."

"I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to lose you."

"Niall. I’ve fought hundreds of these battles. I don’t intend to die. And if the worst was to happen. Anto will take care of you."

"Anto’s not you."

"I should hope not. Now come Niall. Come say farewell to us." Niall followed him and went and stood with Anto. All the servants had gathered to wish the young lords luck. One handed Liam the Mullingar standard as he rode by.

"May you be victorious in battle sir!"

Liam smiled and thanked him then turned and waved to Niall. "Right now I’d settle to be returning safely to Niall Lord," he thought.

When the figures were out of sight, Anto turned to Niall. "Come on son, there’s no use in worrying."

"Where are they defending?"

"The south-west territories. I gather Lord Richards lost his protectors."

Niall went pale. "I was born in those territories Anto." He bit his lip, fearful he had said too much.

And he had, Anto had a quick mind. He worked it out. "Niall. The lord who abused you. It was Lord Richard? Wasn’t it?" Niall remained silent.

"Niall. It's obvious."

"Yes. It was, but don’t tell Liam. Please. Promise me."

"Liam’s out there defending his territories."

"I know. I’m so scared Anto. That man has taken so much from me. My innocence. Paul. My freedom. I’m scared Liam won’t come back. Will die for him."

"Now then lad. Don’t think like that."

"I can’t help it." Niall burst into tears. Anto placed a comforting arm round him and led him inside. And prayed for Liam. He didn’t care whether the evil bastard of a lord lost his land. Lost his life. But if he did, it would mean Liam and the others had failed - and probably died.


	12. Chapter 12

Liam was unusually nervous as they rode across Mullingar town and out to the south-west. "Get a grip," he told himself. Nicholas looked at his brother’s face, he wore a different expression. Not his ‘going into battle’ look and Nicholas worried if Liam’s mind was on Niall. It could get him and the rest of them killed.

"You OK?"

"Yes."

"Ready for this?"

"As ever. Nicholas, I won’t let you down."

"It's not me I’m bothered about."

They were interrupted by a tall heavy set man. "Halt. Are you the support from Mullingar?"

Liam groaned. He was carrying the Mullingar standard. Was the man fucking blind? "Yes. Lord Liam Payne, my brother Nicholas, and my Dublin companions, Lord Zayn Malik and Harry Styles."

The man gave them a disdainful look. "I’m Lord Richard’s chief soldier John Power. We’re under heavy attack from a renegade group of warriors. They’re led by a brute called Darus. Normally they have an agreement and leave us alone."

Harry shook his head. "And someone’s shortchanged him, pissed him off maybe."

John threw Harry an evil look. "I wouldn’t know. Anyway we’ve suffered heavy casualties. We’re holding them on the border – barely."

"Let's have a look then." Liam rode forward.

Darus was taking a momentary respite from the attack. Harry had guessed very near the truth. Richard had withheld promised lands and a large amount of silver, and not for the first time. The uneasy alliance was at an end. Darus was going to take what he considered his. He looked for his son, or the lad that was supposed to be his son. Darus wasn’t stupid. He knew he wasn’t the only one to have an alliance with the Christians. Many of his tribe’s women had also. His wife included. Still she had given him the only being he could call son. How did a man as strong and virile as him produce so many daughters? It would cost a fortune in dowry. As usual the boy was no where to be seen.

"Jana. Where’s Louis?"

"He was keeping watch on the perimeters."

"Avoiding battle. How the fuck did I have a coward as a son? Oh well, I’m better without him." He marshalled his troops. "Into battle. Spare no Christian scum - and silver to the man who brings me the head of lord Richard."

Liam surveyed the battle. The numbers were evened up by the troops he had brought. He rode forward into the midst of clashing swords but for once it did not heat his blood. he wanted this day to be over. "Please Lord. Take me back safe."

Zayn winced as he cut the warrior down. Not for the first time did he realise he wasn’t cut out to be a soldier, but it was kill or be killed. He looked for Harry. The big lad was in hacking wildly. Pausing to acknowledge he had his particular situation under control. Nicholas was conversing with another of Richard’s leaders, and Liam. He couldn’t see Liam, but he knew Liam had headed to the far south side. He wiped his sword on the body of the warrior and prayed to his Lord.

Louis was watching from the edge of the forest. His job was to kill any Christians who tried to escape through the darkness. If he had to fight at all, it was the best place to be. The chance of any escaping were slim. It wasn’t that he was a coward. He was just torn between two beliefs. He was half Christian and though never taught the Christian ways - they fascinated him. Many times he would disappear into the forest to the grave of the Christian soldier buried there and talk to him, as he had seen the young soldier do. Hoping for answers about the faith of his real father. The eternal battles. But no, there was only the silence of the forest. It helped his inner turmoil though.

Zayn reached Nicholas. "Lord, this is bad. Where is the Lord himself?"

"No idea. Oy, you there. Are you one of Richard’s men?"

"Ay. Francis. Why?"

"Where is he?"

"Not on the battlefield, that’s for certain. Probably in his hall, with a young boy."

Nicholas shook his head. "We’re risking our lives for a coward."

"Makes no odds. We can’t run."

"Yes. We have to win. But I’ll retreat if it gets too bad, and to hell with his lands. Where’s Liam?"

"No idea."

Liam was in fact having problems. He had got separated from his own army and his only back up were Lord Richard’s men and they were, to be honest, more hindrance than help. He was trying to save them and save himself and it was a losing battle. He had to save his own skin. He glanced over to the far side of the field. Nicholas had the situation under control. If only he could have got back but the damned warrior leader was in the middle of the field and he was good. Too damned good. His only chance was to make it to the forest and ride around. He had always hated running, but there wasn’t only him to think about – there was Niall too. He rode away.

Anto shook his head at Niall. The boy was still staring at the horizon even though night was falling. The supper Anto had taken him was untouched. "Now then Niall, this won’t help Liam. He’ll be all right. He’s a fighter."

"I can’t help it. I have this feeling." Niall turned to Anto - his eyes bright with unshed tears. "I lose everything Anto."

"Don’t think like that lad."

"But do you know what the worst thing is? I never tell them how I’m feeling. I never thanked mam and dad for trying to save me, for putting me first. I never told me brothers and sister how special they were. I never told Paul that he made me live .. and ... and..." The tears fell. "I never told Liam."

"Told Liam what?"

"How I was feeling. About him."

"How were you feeling?"

"That’s it. I don’t know. He saved me. Still saving me from the dreams. My heart kind of speeds up and I just want to be around him, to please him. I know Harry calls me ‘puppy dog’ but I don’t care. I want Liam to like me. And when he isn’t here, my heart kind of aches. Not like my back did or my leg but a dull ache - that doesn’t go till he’s back. But I don’t know what this feeling is."

Anto did. His heart bled for the young boy in front of him. How could he tell him what he was feeling was love, when the person he loved could already be dead or dying. Not when he had lost so much, and it was so sad he didn’t recognise love. He prayed for Liam’s safety and Niall to speak of his feelings. But all he could do was pull Niall close.

"It’ll be OK Niall, you’ll get a chance."

"You think so?" Anto nodded and ruffled the boy’s hair, hoping it was the truth.

Darus glanced up and saw the fine black horse and the young soldier, proud in the Mullingar colours. He was angry. He was losing and the cowardly lord Richard hadn’t given him a chance for revenge. But he could take this one. He spurred his horse on. Liam instinctively knew he was being chased, even though the warrior was a long way behind. He thanked god he had picked the fastest horse in the stable and urged him on. The safety of the trees was just ahead. Almost there. Then a figure appeared on a grey horse. Liam’s heart sank. It was a warrior, about his own age. He pulled up and drew his sword.

Louis also pulled up. Almost reluctantly he drew his sword. The two men were close. With a shock he recognised the Christian as the one who wandered into forests, talking to dead people. He was in turmoil. Liam challenged the boy, and to his surprise the boy dropped his sword. "Go Christian. My father is approaching. He will not enter the forest."

"But ... but .... why?"

"I have my reasons. Now go. Before it is too late."

"But I could kill you and go."

"If that would be the gods wish."

"Your God or mine?"

"Either. Maybe they are not that different. Maybe we have more in common than you think. Now either kill me or be gone."

Liam rode past and turned. "Thank you!"

Louis picked up his sword and taking a deep breath, slashed his side lightly. Enough to make believe Liam had wounded him and escaped. He winced.

"Why the fuck didn’t you stop him? He was a noble man."

"He wounded me father. I couldn’t."

Darus roughly prised his son’s hands from his side. "A scratch you coward." He belted Louis across the face. "He should have killed you - you’re not fit to be my son."

"Maybe because I aren’t," the boy thought to himself - and smiled when he thought of the soldiers escape.

When Darus had retreated after Liam, the rest of his tribe had followed. It was a surprisingly easy victory after a tough battle. Nicholas regrouped his men. The losses weren’t too bad. Harry was bleeding from a slight wound to the arm, but was cheerful. Zayn would lavish love and care on him, then he saw the anxious faces of the others.

"What's wrong?"

"Liam’s missing."

"Oh fuck. Is he?"

"We don’t know. We lost track of him early on."

Nicholas turned his horse. "I don’t know about you, but I am searching every inch of this battlefield. If ... if he didn’t make it, his body is not rotting here." Zayn and Harry nodded their agreement and began the grim task.

Liam rode through the forest, unable to believe what had just happened, and the fact he hadn’t killed the lad himself. Since Niall had appeared there seemed to be a lot of strange things happening. He groaned as it started to rain. "Damn Mullingar weather." But he had no time to take shelter. Nicholas would be worried.

Nicholas was soaked and feeling sick to the stomach. He had never really looked at the aftermath of a battle until now and it wasn’t a pretty sight, if Liam were here ... He shook his head as he heard Zayn vomiting for the fifth time.

"Zayn, go and rest."

"No, I want to help."

"What do I tell Anto, Zayn? Liam’s his favourite."

"What do we tell Niall? It will kill him."

Suddenly Harry shouted. "Oh Lord no," muttered Nicholas, but Harry was pointing to a lone dripping figure riding out of the forest.

"Thank the lord." Nicholas recognised the figure. Liam was exhausted, but smiling broadly.

"That was close. I never want to come as close to death as I did today." Nicholas hugged his kid brother. "And you won without me."

"We never should have fought that battle. I shall be summoning Lord Richard. Shall we take shelter?"

"I’d rather ride home now. Niall will be worried. Oh, and Anto." Nicholas grinned. Everyone knew Liam’s feeling - except it seemed, Liam.

"Let's go home."

Anto was sat with Niall on his knee. The boy had cried himself to sleep and Anto didn’t have the heart to move him. Anto was falling asleep too. Suddenly the clatter of boots on the wooden floor woke him. He looked up to see Nicholas, Zayn, Harry, his arm in a makeshift sling and Liam. Liam smiling at the figure of Niall in his arms.

"Hello Anto, babysitting? Taken over my job?"

"Liam, we didn’t expect you back so soon."

"You nearly didn’t get me back at all. I had a miracle today. Wanted to tell you and Niall all about it. And then he’s asleep on me."

"What happened?"

"Tell you tomorrow. It’s a long and very unbelievable story. I’ll take sleeping beauty. Harry needs his arm looking at."

"And some food." Anto grinned and carefully lifted Niall. 

"He worked himself into a real state over you."

Liam was glad the room was dark as he blushed. He gently took Niall. "I’ll take him to bed. Don’t think I’ll come back down. Night all!"

Niall woke. He felt unsteady. He realised he was being carried upstairs. "Anto. I want to wait."

"Well I don’t! I’ve been fighting a battle." Niall’s eyes opened, looking into a pair of crinkled hazel eyes, smiling eyes.

"Liam ... you’re back."

"Yes. Just. And what a welcome. My good luck mascot asleep."

"Sorry."

"Only teasing, Niall." They were in the chamber now. "Get undressed. I’m exhausted."

Niall smiled. "I was so worried."

"I gathered. I was worried too. You’ll have to learn to ride Niall. I need my mascot with me."

Niall smiled at those words. The first time Liam had said he needed him.

Liam was happy and yet sad as he fell asleep, because he knew how much Niall cared, loved even. And knew he himself was falling in love with the blond boy. But he doubted ever being able to tell him, and soon he would have to explain that to Niall. What if he didn’t understand? What if he hurt Niall more than the abuse of his past ever could? He wanted to make love to Niall, he could admit that. Wanted to blot out Niall’s past, make him happy. But if he couldn’t say 'I love you', would he just hurt him more? Only time would tell. 

Liam looked at Niall. The boy was looking much better. Fresh air was giving him some colour as opposed to the deathly pallor that had been an intrinsic part of his appearance. And since he had started going out his appetite had increased. He was still thin but no longer painfully so. The late summer sun was turning his hair even more golden, it gleamed in the afternoon rays and Liam felt something tighten deep in his chest. But he still couldn’t admit to loving Niall.

Niall loved him - that much was obvious, but not in a sexual sense. Niall’s past made him unable to equate love with sex. It was more adoration of the man who had saved him. He followed Liam everywhere possible. Blue eyes fixed unerringly on him. Harry made jokes about faithful puppy dogs but Liam ignored them. He controlled his temper much better now. Mainly due to the fact that Niall would shake and cower if someone got angry around him, automatically assuming the anger was directed at him.

"Come on, Niall. I thought you wanted to learn to ride." Liam rode his horse in front of Niall.

"I’m a bit nervous Liam."

"Well sit behind me. See there’s nothing to be afraid of." Niall bit his lip. He couldn’t let Liam down. He approached the horse. Liam reached down to pull him up and with an undignified shove from Anto he was behind Liam.

"OK Niall, hold on to my waist. Tight!" Liam could feel Niall shaking, then his arms round him.

Steadily at first he rode round the paddock. "Relax Niall, go with the movement. You can’t fall."

"It's ... bumpy. My arse ... hurts."

Liam smiled. "Tell you what. We can go up Mullingar hills. If we canter, it's smoother and the view’s great!"

Niall nodded. He wanted to feel firm land under his feet, but he wanted to make Liam happy – no contest! Once on the track up the hill Liam speeded up, Niall thought he would be scared but the rhythm was like music. He just buried his face in Liam’s back.

Liam stopped the horse. "Look over there, Niall. The ocean, and the castle."

"It's amazing!"

"Isn’t it?" Liam was feeling something stronger for Niall each day but what he didn’t know – or he did and couldn’t admit it. Niall’s head was practically resting on his shoulder, arms round his waist. He turned to look the blond in the eyes, and their lips met. He expected Niall to jump away in fear, but all he saw was trust and love. Without realising it Niall pressed his lips closer. And unable to resist Niall, Liam returned the kiss. Niall was surprised. Surprised he wasn’t scared. He’d watched Harry and Zayn kiss, and from their faces he guessed it was a nice feeling.

Liam pulled away. "Lord, I’m sorry Niall." Niall often spoke to him of the feelings he had about the abuse in his past and Liam knew Niall was curious. He was asking questions about Harry and Zayn, him and Michael. He had started to believe there was more to love and sex than pain and fear. Being around Harry and Zayn helped that, they were an amazingly tactile couple.

"Why? Because ..." Niall shut up but what he was going to say was written across his face. He wasn’t attractive to Liam. He didn’t live up to Michael’s memory. 

"No Niall, not that. I just can’t love you Niall. You know that. I can’t say it!"

Niall nodded. "I wanted ... wanted ... I’ll never feel what Zayn and Haz feel. I’ll always be too scared to ... make love," he spoke the words hesitantly. "I’ll never trust anyone not to hurt me."

"But you trust me?" Niall nodded.

"Are you saying you want me to make love to you, Niall?" Niall blushed.

"But ... it won’t be like Haz and Zee. I aren’t capable of loving like that ... of telling you I love you."

"You care! Surely that’s enough or am I repulsive to you?"

"Niall, if we’re being honest. I find you attractive. I could make love to you all night ... but I can’t say the words, Niall. And that’s not fair on you."

"Liam. I want you to love me, so I know what it's like ... to be loved. Please. Words don’t matter."

Liam swallowed. "Are you sure Niall?"

"Yes."

"Then tonight! Now let's go back."

Liam couldn’t believe he’d agreed to it. He was scared and nervous. He wanted to make Niall happy and show him love but part of him hoped Niall would change his mind. And a bigger part of him hoped he wouldn’t. He pulled the curtains closed in the chamber. "Niall, anytime you want to stop ... ?"

"No."

Liam thought back to his first night with Michael. Passionate. Wild. Yet he didn’t want to scare Niall. "Niall, get into your nightshirt. All I’m going to do is love you all night. If it leads to making love, then it's right. If it doesn’t ..."

Surprised and a little disappointed Niall did as bidden. Liam made him go to bed and to Niall’s shock climbed in next to him. Blowing out the candles. "Goodnight Niall."

"But Liam ..."

"Goodnight."

Niall closed his eyes blinking back tears. Then he felt Liam’s body spooning his own frame. Liam’s arm coming over his waist, his palm pressing against Niall’s belly through the nightshirt. Then rubbing upwards feeling the nipples under the thin fabric. He felt Liam’s breath on the back of his neck. "You all right with this Niall?"

"Yes. Oh yes!"

Liam gently kissed Niall’s neck, playing his tongue over the warm skin, rubbing the rapidly hardening nipples in gentle circular motions. Niall sighed. Then the warm palms were back to his belly. Stroking it, tracing his belly button. Liam kept up this simple stroking for a long time, for two reasons. One to relax Niall, and two to get him slowly aroused. After about an hour of this gentle touching of only his stomach and nipples and then through the nightshirt Niall was breathing much heavier. Wordlessly Liam turned him so they were laying face to face. Then with one had rubbing Niall’s nipples, the other one pulled his head to meet Liam’s lips. 

They kissed gently and non penetrating for a while then Liam ran his tongue over Niall’s lips. Niall opened his mouth eagerly. Niall’s mouth was soft and sweet, like him. Liam explored his mouth. Finally his hand found the bottom of Niall’s nightshirt. He slid it under, amazed at the soft satiny skin that met his touch. It was covered with a thin slick of sweat. Liam knew Niall was excited.

"Niall."

"Don’t stop. Please." Niall lay still as if bewitched as the gentle hand slid up over his belly and reached his nipples. He shuddered as Liam rubbed one of them. Moaning. "Oh Liam."

Liam looked him in the deep blue eyes. "I think Niall, that this," he touched the garment, "will have to come off." Niall nodded and allowed Liam to pull it over his head. Liam gasped. He’d seen Niall undressed many times. To bathe his wounds and the like, but not like this. Only illuminated by the glow of the fire Niall shone like a mythical god. Niall lay, his eyes locked unblinking on Liam’s. Liam could have cried at the absolute trust in Niall’s eyes. He would trust Liam with his body, with his life.

Liam bent his head to one perfect nipple and flicked it with his tongue. Judging by the way Niall whimpered and arched towards his mouth it was sensitive. Slowly, too slowly he sucked it into his mouth, hands stroking Niall’s beautiful sides. Niall tasted sweet and unique. He sucked hungrily at the nipple, grazing it lightly with his teeth then exhaling so his warm breath caressed the rosy circle. Niall arched again. He was hypnotized by Liam’s hands and mouth.

Liam slowly teased the nipples for at least half an hour. Gently kissing down Niall’s stomach. Exploring the belly button or returning to kiss his lips. Liam was having feelings he had never expected to have, and he wanted the night to last forever.

"You ok Niall?" Niall nodded. Liam figured it was time to move on a little.

Niall tensed as Liam tried to lower his undergarments. "Niall, do you want to stop?" Niall shook his head but his eyes were full of tears. "Then tell me what the problem is Niall. What's wrong sweetheart?" The term of endearment slipped out.

"I’m ... I’m ... and I’m going to sin, Liam." Liam remembered Niall talking about Lord Richards abuse, telling the frightened boy he was "sinning" if he came. And judging by the bulge, Niall was aroused.

"Niall honey, anything we do, that we both want to ... isn’t a sin, OK? If you mean you’re going to ... have a climax, then it's not a sin. Actually, I was hoping you would. Means I’ve done my bit properly."

Niall looked at him. "Can I undress you Niall?" Niall nodded and bit his lip as Liam gently pulled down the shorts.

"Niall, you’re beautiful. ’ He was aroused, glistening with copious amounts of precum. Liam wondered what was the best thing to do. He wanted Niall to have more than one orgasm that night, to show him the beauty. Liam slithered down the bed and gently kissed the very tip of Niall’s cock. The taste was again uniquely different.

Niall’s body leapt involuntarily, but he protested. "Liam, you can’t. I’m lower than you. A slave."

Liam kissed the same place, and then grinned up at Niall. "You are not a slave. This might remind you." Gently opening Niall’s thighs he kissed his way up them and licked Niall’s balls delicately then, laid between Niall’s legs he took all of Niall’s cock into his mouth. Niall cried out softly as Liam’s tongue swirled round the tip. Gently probing the slit and massaging the underside. With Liam’s hands gently playing with his balls Niall was losing all control. He clutched at Liam’s hair and bucked his hips. All thoughts of sin driven out of his mind.

Niall came explosively and quickly, filling Liam’s mouth with sweet yet salty honey. Liam eagerly swallowed every drop. It was a new experience for him too. It had never been so ... innocent before.

"Liam." Niall whispered when he could speak.

"Shhh baby. I haven’t finished with you yet." He stroked Niall who was still semi hard, continuing to kiss him all over. Niall relaxed into it, even kissing Liam back.

Soon Niall was on the point of coming again. "Niall, I’m going to use my hand and it's going to go all over your stomach but that’s OK, we’re going to need some lubrication. Just relax. ’

Niall cried out again, as the thick warm fluid landed on his stomach. "Is this how that bastard said you sinned?"

Niall nodded. "He said it ... it was the potion of the devil. And that when he ... was in me, so was the devil."

"Partly. He was the devil, Niall. Not this. This is life Niall."

Niall looked confused. Liam continued. "This liquid makes life. If it gets into a woman. It mixes with her liquids and a baby is made. We don’t have to think about that – fortunately, but your father’s fluid made you Niall." Anto’s biology lessons weren’t precise but he hoped he got it over to Niall.

Niall looked at the glistening pool. "It’s a miracle, then."

"Yes." Liam stirred it with his finger. "We might not make babies, but it's very useful." He slid one hand under Niall’s arse, and used his other to push Niall’s knees up and apart. "Niall, I’m going to put my fingers in you. I can’t lie to you, it might hurt a little, but if you can’t bear it - tell me!"

Niall nodded, and tensed as a slippery finger was pushed into him and around. Liam was being very gentle. He could have accessed Niall far easier if Niall had been face down, but he didn’t want to subject him to that terror. When he knew Niall had accepted the first finger, he added a second. And hit Niall’s prostate. Niall cried and came again. More liquid joining the cooling puddle.

"Ni. You OK?" Liam was getting very excited. They’d been making love for over two and a half hours, and he hadn’t climaxed yet.

"Yes. Liam. What ... was that?"

"Another miracle of nature. Feels good, doesn’t it?"

Niall nodded – he was so excited, he hadn’t noticed Liam’s third finger slip in. Liam knew Niall was ready. Liam gathered as much of Niall’s cum from his stomach as he could and slicked his own throbbing cock with it, it mixed with his own dripping fluids and would ensure no pain for Niall. Then slowly he eased in. Niall tensed. A hundred memories flashing before his eyes. Pain. Fear. Terror. Then his muscles relaxed and Liam buried himself in his body.

He thrust gently but firmly and was pleased to feel Niall responding against him, even wrapping his legs around his waist. He looked into Niall’s eyes. They were full of love and trust and wonder. They actually came together, Liam from the stimulation of Niall’s tight walls and Niall from the excitement and having his prostate stimulated again and again. Niall calling Liam’s name over and over again. Liam pulled Niall close and kissed his hair. Then he realised Niall was crying.

"Niall. What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"No. It's ... it was ... like Paul said. Beautiful. And it didn’t hurt. You didn’t hurt me Liam." His voice was full of wonder.

"I’m so glad babe. Do you believe in love now?"

"Oh yes. Do you?"

Liam bit his lip. He had vowed never to say "I love you", but if the truth be told he had felt as close to Niall as he ever had to Michael.0 He settled for "I always believed in love Ni, just not for me. But it was very close." Niall seemed to realise, to hear the words behind that statement. He didn’t press it.

Liam looked at him, young, beautiful, innocent. "You need cleaning up." To Niall’ s surprise, he bent to his stomach and began to lick him.

"Liam."

"Niall, it's part of you, nothing to be ashamed of. And I care for all of you."

"He made ... made me swallow, and it was ... vile."

"You’re not vile, Niall." Liam didn’t want to force Niall, but he wanted to show him. He kissed him on the lips. "Taste that?"

"Yes."

"That’s you. Your life. And it's beautiful." Niall looked at him and smiled. 

"What do you taste like?"

"I’ll let you find out." As Niall reached for him, he held him back. "Tomorrow, scamp! It's time you slept."

"I’m not tired."

"Well, I am!" He gently tickled Niall’s sides. "Have to tire you out." Niall laughed. The sound was like silvery bells in heaven to Liam – he realised he’d never heard Niall laugh before, and it was beautiful.

"Liam, thank you. For showing me." Liam couldn’t answer, the lump was in his throat again and he settled for ruffling the blond hair and pulling him close. 

Anto lay awake, a smile on his face. There had been many nights when he had woken to Niall screaming in terror, but tonight it had been to hear him screaming Liam’s name in passion. He was a noisy little bugger, but Anto was happy. He had nearly achieved what he thought was his mission – all that was left was for Liam to admit he was in love. Because he was, Anto was sure of that!


	13. Chapter 13

Niall woke up early the next morning. A strange feeling running through him – he couldn’t place it until he remembered the previous night and then he smiled. He knew the feeling, although he hadn’t felt it for so long – happiness. He was happy. His head was resting on Liam’s naked chest. The wiry hairs tickled his nose. One arm was loosely thrown over him. But Liam was asleep, snoring gently. Niall raised himself up and looked at his lover. Because Liam was his lover, despite him denying love, they had made love most of the night. Niall felt loved. Words didn’t matter, did they?

His eyes travelled down Liam’s body. He was completely naked, as was Niall himself. They hadn’t bothered to pull their nightwear back after their night of passion. Niall had never looked at another man in a sexual way before, had always avoided his eyes from that region with Lord Richard or the other bastards who’d raped him. But now he wanted to look. Wanted to see Liam. Touch Liam. Taste Liam. He lightly placed a gentle hand on Liam’s cock.

Liam stirred in his sleep, but didn’t wake. Niall gave a little smile. Liam had made him feel so good, maybe it was time for him to return the favour. Nervously, hesitantly he bent down and kissed Liam. Burying his nose in the curly dark hair down there. Liam whimpered loudly but still didn’t wake. Gaining in confidence, he licked Liam’s cock. Hoping he wouldn’t be reminded of the evil Lord who had stolen his innocence. He wasn’t, so he continued taking Liam’s rapidly hardening cock into his mouth and sucking. Licking, playing his tongue around the slit. Remembering how good this had felt when Liam had done it to him.

Liam was having the most beautiful dream. He was laid with Niall, their bodies entwined in passion. Niall was bringing him to the most amazing orgasm he’d ever had. It was so real. He opened his eyes, and saw Niall laid between his legs. Then he realised it wasn’t a dream. He wanted to stop Niall, to tell him he didn’t have to do this. But he couldn’t speak as the orgasm hit him in waves. He came endlessly, hoping Niall could handle it. 

Niall swallowed. It wasn’t disgusting, it was Liam and he loved Liam. He didn’t feel sick or repulsed. He released Liam’s cock and smiled up at him. It took several seconds before Liam could speak. “Niall, you ... didn’t have to ... do that! I’m sorry. I came before I could warn you.”

“It doesn’t matter Liam. I wanted to taste you.” He rested his head on Liam’s groin, his wonderful mouth dangerously near Liam’s still twitching cock. He smiled, looking very pleased with himself. Another demon had been vanquished, then he looked a little anxious. “You didn’t ... didn’t mind, did you?”

“Mind?” Liam laughed. “I certainly didn’t. It was wonderful. A wonderful way to wake up.”

“It was alright?”

“More than alright.” He reached down and pulled Niall up so they were nose to nose. Niall laying on Liam’s naked body. He plunged his tongue into Niall’s willing mouth and kissed him deeply for a long time.

Niall felt himself getting very excited and wriggled happily to let Liam know. Liam knew anyway, Niall’s erection was digging into his belly. He reached down between them and began to stroke Niall firmly. It didn’t take much. Soon Niall was breathing heavily and Liam felt the warm stickiness between their bodies. Niall lay his head on Liam’s shoulder and sighed.

“Liam. I woke up this morning ... and I was happy again. I never thought I could be. Thank you.”

Liam just stroked his hair protectively. “I’m glad Niall, you deserve some happiness. Now as nice as it would be to lie in bed all day making love, we have to get up.”

Niall nodded, but he had something on his mind. “Liam. I’m ... I’m still your slave.”

“No, you’re not Niall. You have never been mine. Not really.”

“But legally I am.”

“Do you want me to _officially_ give you your freedom Niall?”

Niall shook his head. “‘No. I want ... I want to be yours.” Liam sighed. This was getting complicated. He had to try to make Niall see.

“Niall. What we did last night, just now. We did that as two consenting adults. I would have done that whether you were or weren’t my slave. To be honest, if I thought of you as my slave - I would have never have done it. You asked me to show you what love was, I wanted to. End of story. You aren’t my property, Niall. I don’t hold with slavery. Never have done, never will do. And especially in your case when you had done nothing to deserve such a fate. You could walk out of that door now and I wouldn’t be able to stop you.”

“But I don’t want to Liam. And I don’t know. If I’m not yours, what do I do with my life?”

“Is that the problem Niall? You don’t feel you belong here?”

Niall shook his head. “I feel I belong too much. Yet I know I don’t. I have no purpose here Liam. I’m a burden.”

“No you aren’t. Niall, is it your future you’re worried about?” Niall nodded. He felt very insecure. Liam realised this.

“Niall, what do you want out of your life. Truly?”

“To stay with you. Live here. Avenge my family’s deaths.”

“I have no problem with that Niall, you could help out around the place. You will not be a burden.” He saw Niall’s expression. “That’s not what you want?”

“No Liam, all my life I have wanted to defend my beliefs. I was never chosen, but now I have even more of a reason. I want to fight, alongside you.” Liam was a little surprised. He looked at the slender blond boy lying next to him. He had never seen Niall as a fighter. Then he realised Niall had been fighting all his life, to survive.

“If that’s what you wish Niall, but you will need training. I’m not taking you out into battle unprepared.”

Niall smiled. “Whatever you order. You really mean it? I can fight alongside you?”

“If that’s what you desire. Come on, wash and dress. A soldier needs discipline.”

“Will you train me?”

“I think I will leave most of that to Anto, he has patience. I will be your training partner.”

Niall grinned. “It’s a shame you won’t teach me.” He glanced at Liam’s cock. "You make a really good teacher. I learnt a lot last night.”

Liam wanted to chastise him for such a remark, but he had to laugh. He hadn’t realised Niall had such an acute sense of humour. He pulled Niall from the bed. “Dress, you scamp!”

Liam felt transparent as he and Niall walked into breakfast. There were no outward signs of their love making but he felt as though it was written all over him. Anto smiled at him, and glanced at Niall who was smiling. Liam knew then that Anto knew. “Niall’s decided he’s going to stay. And become one of us. A soldier.” Liam kept his voice casual yet hoped it would explain the smile on Niall’s face. And the constant twitch of his own lips that he had to keep hiding.

“Good on you.” Harry slapped Niall on the back, almost knocking him into his plate.

Liam looked at Anto and gave a little smile. “I wondered if you’d train him. You have far more patience than me. And you didn’t do too badly with me and Nicholas.”

“Yes. I’ll work with the lad if he wants.”

“I would like to be his training partner if that’s alright.”

“Of course, Liam. When he can get the best of you, he’ll be more than ready.” Anto smiled at Niall. “When you’ve eaten that best come out to the yard with me. You’ll have to learn to ride.”

“Yes sir.”

Niall looked at the horse that Nicholas was holding. It looked massive and he wasn’t looking forward to this, one bit! “He won’t hurt you Niall.” Niall nodded, unconvinced. Next thing he knew Anto had put his foot in the stirrup and he was being shoved onto the animal’s broad back. He felt like he was going to be split in two but he forced a grin as Anto led the horse into the field.

Liam tried to stop thinking about Niall, how he was doing as he and Nicky rode across Mullingar. They were going to Lord Richard’s to try and find out what had happened on the day of the battle. Why the man hadn’t been present where so many men were giving their lives for his lands.

“Why did Nicholas ask me to go?”

“You know why Liam. Because Niall doesn’t need you watching his every move. He’s nervous enough without you putting him off.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you’re both so wrapped up in each other.” Zayn wanted to say it, but couldn’t. Liam had been in a relatively good mood, he didn’t want to ruin it. He just shook his head.

They were soon at the Lord’s house, shown into the magnificent hall by a scared servant. “How does he afford all this?” Zayn was amazed at the opulence. 

“Taxes.” Liam spat out the word. He couldn’t remember ever meeting Lord Richard but he didn't like him from the evidence.

A tall dark, even quite handsome man entered the room. “Lord Payne. An unexpected pleasure. To what do I owe the honour?”

“Lord Richard?” The man nodded. “There is no honour I’m afraid. I have been given the job of investigating the battle with your army and the warriors south west of here. Where my army suffered heavy casualties.”

“Ahh yes. I meant to send a messenger to thank you for your help in the victory.”

“I don’t want thanks. I want to know where you were. When your men and mine were dying for your property.”

The man coloured and his eyes narrowed. “I was defending my household. In case of attack from splinter groups.”

“Highly unlikely. Your absence was noticed and questioned. I have never yet fought in a battle where the requesting Lord didn’t show up to defend himself.”

Liam was calm and used no accusing words but every pore of his being spoke ‘Coward.’

“Well I can’t imagine you have fought in that many, young sir. Forgive my impudence but you can’t be more than 20.”

“Age makes no difference. I have fought in many a battle. And can recognise the truth. The council of the alliance has decided to fine you one hundred pieces of silver for your ... lack of etiquette and also issued a warning that the army will no longer come to the defence of your personal lands and fortune if they again come under warrior attack.” He saw the Lord was about to argue and cut short the conversation. “The money is to be paid to Mullingar Castle by this month’s end. I have nothing more to say. Good day.” He strode out of the hall without looking back. Zayn risked a glance and saw the evil glare on Lord Richard’s face. Liam had made an enemy there.

“Liam, he wasn’t too happy.”

“I wasn’t too happy when my men were dying, or I was chased into the woods like a hare. I do not care Zayn, for his happiness. Let’s get back, see how Niall’s getting on! This place makes me sick!” Lord Richard watched the figures riding away. Young Liam Payne, nothing but a boy and he had made the Lord feel humiliated. He would have his vengeance. The young Lord would pay for his lack of respect and insinuations. And he would pay soon!

Liam watched Niall ride the horse round the paddock. He had picked it up well and had a natural sense of balance. “He’s going to be OK Liam. He’s come off a couple of times, and bounced.” Anto grinned.

“You’ve had him riding all day?”

“He wanted to ... wanted to surprise you. And the sooner he gets out there with you the better. For everyone.” Liam smiled. He knew every muscle in Niall’s body would be protesting violently by nightfall, but then he could always soothe the pain away for the blond. He knew some very good ways of relaxing.

“How was Lord Richard?” Nicholas had come to watch Kian.

“Objectionable. I delivered the message and left. He’s bleeding those poor tenants of his dry. To furnish his ... whorehouse. The man makes me ill.” Anto said nothing, but looked at Liam. If he knew the truth about the Lord, he would feel much more sick - and be out for murder!

3 weeks later.

Liam studied the blond lad in front of him and waited for him to make his next move. Sword poised to defend or attack. He could see Niall weighing up all options. He was breathing heavily, as was Liam. The ‘fight’ had been going on for ages. No one wanted to admit defeat or make a slip.

Niall wanted to prove himself to Liam. To prove he was ready to fight the warriors and worthy of it. He had worked so hard the past three weeks. Ridden that blasted horse every day, and been crying with the pain in his unused muscles afterwards. Liam had filled the tub with hot water every night and gently massaged the boy’s body. Whispering soft words of encouragement, then he would take Niall’s mind off the pain by making love to him. Niall was now an excellent horseman. And an even better lover.

But if Niall hated the riding, he enjoyed the fencing. He was good with a sword. The best of his family when his father had taught them all, and with proper training from Anto, who was a master. He was soon beating Harry and then Zayn on a regular basis. He had beaten Nicholas too in a marathon battle two days ago. Which left only Liam. They were all watching the contest with baited breath.

Zayn wanted Niall to win, to give the boy confidence. Harry was cheering for Liam. He still didn’t particularly like the guy, but Niall had thrashed him so often he was beginning to want to see the kid brought down. Nicholas wasn’t really caring. Niall would be an asset on the battlefield, win or lose and that was what mattered. Anto wanted Niall to win, but he was frightened Liam might let him, or frightened that Niall would concede to Liam. He still seemed to think along the master/slave lines at times. But then he saw the determined expressions on both their faces. It was a fight neither cared to lose.

Liam was marvelling at Niall’s stamina. It was almost impossible to believe that only a few short months ago he had lain on the point of death – now he was strong and healthy. And fast. Liam sidestepped and thanked god the sword blades were sheathed. He spun round but Niall was on his other side. How in hell had he moved so fast? Niall had out some weight back on but it was all muscle and he was built for speed. He saw Liam was wrong footed and pressed home the advantage.

Liam had to back off, it was all he could do to block Niall’s blows. He couldn’t think of making an attack. He prayed Niall would make a mistake. But Niall seemed anything but inexperienced. Liam couldn’t believe the way the lad fought. He realised why Harry and Zayn had been so taken by surprise. When had the change taken place in Niall? When had he learned to fight like this? He had fenced with him before. Watched him train with Anto. He had never seemed this strong.

Niall sensed he had the advantage and concentrated on backing Liam against the wall. Suddenly wrong footed, Liam fell backwards. Niall used that opportunity to hook the sword from his hands. Liam lay against the wall, wondering what Niall’s next move would be. Niall looked Liam in the eyes. “I’m sorry Liam.” He gently touched Liam with the end of the sword. “I think I just killed you!”

Liam smiled to let Niall know he had done the right thing. “Congratulations Niall. That was a hell of a fight.”

Niall sat on the floor trying to get his breath back. “I know.”

The other lads were hugging him. Anto joined them. “I think young Niall is ready to fight for Mullingar and the Church now. Don’t you?”

“Definitely.” Nicholas heard the peal of the bell that announced visitors. “I’ll get that.”

Liam sat alongside Niall. “Liam, I’m sorry. I defeated you.”

“Don’t be. You were the better fighter. If I’d thought you held back, I’d have been angry. You deserved to win Niall. I’ll feel safe with you fighting on my side.” He ruffled Niall’s hair. “Besides. I can still beat you at wrestling.” He launched himself onto the blond.

Nicholas opened the gates to Lord Richard. “Oh!”

“I’ve brought the 100 pieces of silver. It’s due today.”

“You’d better come up to the hall. I’ll get you a receipt.”

The lord followed Nicholas through the grounds where Harry, Zayn, Liam and Niall were all engaged in some kind of water fight from the trough. He glanced at Liam and vowed vengeance anew then he caught sight of the blond he was happily wrestling with. It couldn’t be. Niall would be dead now - months of heavy slave labour and rape would have made sure of that. But he had to take a second look. His wet tunic was clinging to his muscular body and as he turned to pull Liam to the floor with him the evil Lord had a good look at his face. It was without a doubt Niall.

He watched as Liam lay almost on top of the boy. He could see Niall adored the young lord but there was just a second when none of the others were looking, that Liam’s lips met the young blonde's. It wasn’t a one-way relationship. The Lord was clearly crazy about Niall too. A smile crossed Richard’s face. Maybe revenge could be two fold.

“High spirits over there?”

“Oh yes. My younger brother’s friend has just trained as a soldier. They’re just letting off steam.”

“Natural at that age.”

Niall hugged Liam. They walked up to the house, to change and eat. The gate was just closing, someone must have visited. A shiver went up his spine. It was as if someone was watching him. He shivered again. Liam noticed. “What’s the matter?”

“Just a chill.” He smiled at Liam. “Race you to the house.”

Lord Richard watched the young lad run. He was as gorgeous as the day he had seen him in the garden. And he was in love, he had never looked like that with himself. Suddenly the man’s groins ached as he remembered Niall’s body. He wanted to feel it again. And this time it would punish Liam too. He had plans to make.

“So Niall, we’ll have to get you your own sword.” Anto smiled at him. “I’ll see the blacksmith tomorrow.” Niall nodded. He truly felt part of them now. Liam seemed to be deep in thought. He was, wrestling with something. Finally, he excused himself.

“Back in a minute.” He went upstairs and lay his head against the cool of the mirror. “Please Lord. Let everything be all right. Let me be doing the right thing.” Then he pulled something out of the bottom drawer, wrapped in a cloth.

He went downstairs and smiled at Niall, the younger boy was looking anxious.

“You don’t have to have Niall a sword made Anto. I have one he can use. One that deserves to see the light of day again.” He unwrapped the object in his hands. “This is for you Niall. You have proved your right to it.” He bit his lip, never nearer to breaking his own vow about tears than at that moment.

Anto saw the puzzled looks on Zayn’s, Harry’s and even Niall’s faces. “It was Michael’s sword,” he said simply, it needed no further explanation.

Niall looked at Liam. “I don’t think ...”

“Niall, he would have wanted you to have it. I want you to have it.” He tried to smile at Niall, as he held it towards him.

“Are you sure?”

“Never more sure of anything in my life Niall.”

Niall took the sword carefully. It was magnificent. It matched Liam’s apart from the design on the hilt. It fitted into his hand perfectly, was the ideal weight. As if it had been made for him. “Thank you, Liam. I won’t ... let you down.”

“I know that Niall. May you have more luck with it than Michael had. May I be excused?”

Anto nodded and he left the room. Niall made to follow him. “No lad. He needs to be on his own. You know that feeling?” Niall nodded and sat down. wondering.

It was late that night when Liam came to bed, but Niall was lying awake. “You should have gone to sleep Niall.”

“I was worried about you.”

“Don’t be. I needed to think. To lay the ghosts.”

“Where have you been? I looked for you before I went to bed.”

“Michael’s grave. In the forest!”

“Liam, you shouldn’t be in the forest alone at night.”

“I needed to talk to him. Explain. Next time I’ll take you.”

“Liam. The sword.”

“Niall, it’s yours. He would have wanted you to have it. He’d have said, 'Fucking hell Liam. It cost enough, don’t waste it in a drawer'.”

Niall smiled. “I just didn’t want you to think I was trying to take his place.”

“How?”

“Well, I’m in his bed. Loving you. Now I have his sword.”

“Niall, you could never take Michael’s place. I don’t mean that in a bad way. You’re as beautiful and strong and brave as he was. But, he was Michael. And you’re Niall. And I wouldn’t want you not to be Niall, if you know what I mean.”

It sounded clumsy, but Niall understood. He held out his arms. “I’ve got the bed warm.”

“Good, my feet are freezing.”

Louis slipped out of the forest and into his settlement. He had avoided his father again. He was planning some attack on Lord Richard’s place. Louis had no interest. He had been watching the young Christian again, the one he had helped to escape. He had been talking earnestly to his dead again. Louis had wanted to speak. To ask. To belong but his courage had failed him once more. He was doomed to stay a little longer in a life he was beginning to hate.

A dark, hooded figure rode through the village on the outskirts of the city and stopped at Lord Richard’s house. Hatred flooded him as he thought of the man inside. He had tried to forget, but his conscience and his heart wouldn’t let him. There were scores to settle and soon would come the time for reckoning. But not now, the sun would be up soon. He rode back into the forest.


	14. Chapter 14

The stable yard was dark as a shadowy figure crept through it to one of the stalls. "Easy lad," he whispered to the horse tethered there and chuckled as he carried out the task he had been ordered to do. Then he slipped back to his bed. No one had seen him.

It was a glorious sunny morning, Niall yawned and stretched. For the first time in a long while he woke happy every day and went to bed happy. His life was almost perfect. It would be perfect if Liam would just tell him that he loved him. Although he had said it didn’t matter, Niall longed to hear those three words. But he put it to the back of his mind as he kissed his lover good morning and dressed.

It was an unplanned day, the warriors had been quiet of late. Niall thought that was typical. He was finally able to fight them and they all crawled off under their stones. Liam was quite happy with that. He didn’t want Niall fighting. Was terrified he would lose him in the same way he had lost Michael. He watched as Niall wrestled with Harry, it was like watching a terrier battle a mastiff. Niall was at least 5 inches smaller than Harry, but he was muscular and strong. And quick, Liam knew what it was like to be outsmarted by Niall. He smiled.

"When are you going to tell him?" It was Anto.

"Tell him what?"

"That you love him. Don’t look like that, Liam. I brought you up. I can see."

"Then you are obviously going blind. Just because I care for the lad."

"He worships you Liam. And I hear you both at night."

"Then you shouldn’t be listening."

"I can’t help it. You screaming his name. He screaming yours. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Then shut up about it!"

"Liam, if you don’t care like that - then are you being fair to Niall? Letting him hope and dream ..."

"Niall knows the score Anto. I made that quite clear before we ever made love. I don’t want to hear any more of this."

"Lord you’re a stubborn one Liam Payne. Just don’t leave it too late. If you’re ever going to tell him." Liam just ignored him.

The morning drifted by lazily. Then just before noon they were interrupted by a peasant boy in his late teens rushing up to the gates. "Please lords. Help us."

"What is wrong?"

"A small group of warriors, advancing on our village. But most of us are out hunting. We are scared."

Nicholas called a brief meeting. "The lad says there’s only half a dozen warriors. If I go, Zayn and Harry and it would be a good opportunity for Niall. They’ll have probably retreated by the time we get there anyway."

Liam nodded. "And me."

"Of course. Saddle the horses." The lad looked relieved, and when no one was looking, smiled at the thought of the pieces of silver promised him for taking the message.

Niall couldn’t keep the grin off of his face. His first duty. Liam was looking at him anxiously. He would have to stop this protectiveness. Niall was an adult - and a damn good fighter. There was nothing to keep worrying about. Suddenly Niall noticed something odd in his horse’s gait. It felt wrong. He was about to ask Liam when there was a clatter. Liam turned.

"Niall, he’s thrown a shoe." The offending shoe lay in the dirt. Niall got off and picked up his horse’s foot.

"You can’t ride him into a possible battle with a missing shoe. You’ll have to turn back." Part of Liam was relieved, but he saw the disappointment in Niall’s eyes. "Didn’t you check before we set out?"

Niall nodded, but the truth be known - he didn’t have enough experience to know what he was looking for. Liam shook his head. "You’ll have to walk him back – it's only a couple of miles."

Niall nodded sadly. Zayn gave him a smile. "Get the blacksmith to sort it, and if we’re not back, ride to join us." Niall perked up a little at the thought of that.

"Good luck." He watched his friends ride off until they were out of sight then he turned to his horse. "Stupid animal. Can’t even keep your shoes on." He set off to walk back.

"Why did you tell him to come back to join us?" Liam turned on Zayn.

"Because the lad was disappointed."

"Even so."

"Liam, why don’t you admit it? You’re glad Niall had to go back. If you’re so worried about him, why not tell him?"

"Oh, shut up," and Liam rode ahead.

Niall had been walking a mile, it was warm and he was thirsty. He thought of the ice cold water from the well and licked his lips. Suddenly he heard the clip clop of hooves behind him. He turned and saw a couple of horsemen. A shiver went through him, then he told himself off for being paranoid. He knew it wasn’t paranoia when a figure emerged out of the woods, face hidden by a hood. 

"What have we here?"

"What do you want? I have no silver." Niall placed his hand on his sword hilt, trying to stop shaking.

"That’s good. Because it wasn’t silver I was wanting." He gestured to the men behind. "It was you. Niall!" Niall drew his sword, but even his speed wasn’t quick enough. Something sharp and heavy hit his head and he knew no more. The men smiled as they picked up Niall’s sword and slung his unconscious body over one of their horses. They had done well today and would be well rewarded.

The village looked quiet. No sign of warriors. No sign of fighting. The village leader greeted Liam.

"To what do we owe the honour?"

"We got your message, that warriors were abroad."

The man looked puzzled. "I sent no message. There’s been no warriors for months. And no offence, but my village army is mighty enough to see them off."

"But the boy. About 17. Red hair. Freckles."

"No one in the village like that. You’ve got wrong, or someone’s wasting your time. Can we offer you a drink before you go?"

"No we’ll head back thanks." He turned to the others.

"No warriors. The little bastard was leading us on a wild goose chase."

"Why?"

"No idea. Let's get back. At least Niall will be happy, he didn’t miss any action."

Niall was far from happy. He came round with a splitting headache, afraid to open his eyes. And he was none too comfortable. His arms and shoulders were agony. He couldn’t move them. Slowly, moaning softly he forced his eyes open. He was in a damp, smelly cell. The only light was from a solitary torch burning on the wall, throwing eerie shadows onto the mouldy walls. He shivered then realised why his arms hurt so much. He was chained to the wall, his feet dangling a few inches off of the floor so his entire weight was supported by his arms. And it hurt. He realised he was in big trouble, and even more, because he didn’t know who was doing this. "Fuck," he muttered to himself. But he didn’t have too long before his captor was revealed.

He heard footsteps, and tensed. Then paled, as the owner of the footsteps came into view. "Hello again Niall. We meet once more," and Lord Richard gave an evil laugh.

Liam was in a foul mood as they rode up to Mullingar Castle. The day had been wasted, and Zayn had touched a sore spot with the business about Niall. All he wanted to do was hold Niall. Kiss him. Lose himself in that slender golden body. Anto was in the stable yard, looking strangely worried. 

"What on earth’s happened?"

"I’ll tell you what fucking happened. That little bastard was lying. There was no attack from the warriors. We looked like a bunch of fools."

"That’s not what I meant. Why did Niall’s horse come back alone, without a shoe? And where is Niall? I thought he would be with one of you!"

Liam felt his stomach plunge. "What do you mean – his horse came back alone? He was walking back because it cast a shoe. You mean he isn’t here?"

The note of panic in his voice was obvious. "Calm down Liam. Maybe the animal got away from him and he’s looking for him?"

"Maybe. I’m going to look for him too. It will soon be night." He turned his horse.

"Wait!" He turned at Zayn’s shout. "You’re not going alone. I’ll come too."

"And me!" Harry wouldn’t miss out. 

Liam looked as if he was about to argue then nodded. "Thank you. Let's go!’

Niall was shaking. He hoped the lord would just think it was the strain in his arms. "Why?"

"Why what Niall?"

"Why ... kidnap me? You sold me, wanted to get rid of me."

"I did, didn’t I? But when I saw you again the other day. I realised I may have made a mistake. You look wonderful, Niall. Well, not at this moment. A bit mucky and sweaty, but you’ve matured well."

"You didn’t take me to compliment me."

"And spirit. I saw that the first time outside the farm. I desired the spirit so much. I would have done anything to have you as mine. I _DID_ do anything. But you broke far too quickly. I think it will be more of a challenge this time around."

Niall shivered involuntarily. The evil lord laughed. "I see you remember."

"It's hard to forget, being raped."

"Who told you it was rape, Niall? You were mine. Doesn’t Lord Payne ‘rape’ you?"

"You bastard. Leave Liam out of it."

"But you two are ... _lovers_ , are you not? I saw it between you. The sly looks, secret kisses. So you did _desire_ men after all, Niall?"

"Fucking bastard."

"We’ll have to cure you of that language. I’m afraid it won’t be as pleasant as it was before, Niall, at least not at first. But we’ll have lots of time together. I don’t intend to sell you this time. Or let you die on me!"

Niall shivered again. "You don’t frighten me."

"You may tell yourself that Niall, but your body betrays you. I can smell the fear. Or are you hoping Liam will find you and rescue you? I’m going to make sure ... of the first part at least." Niall looked puzzled – the man laughed.

"You see, although I might desire you - my primary motive for taking you was Liam. The jumped up little bastard made me feel small. I’m about to get my own back. You’re just an innocent victim Niall. As ever."

"What makes you think Liam will come for me?"

"I don’t. Personally I don’t think the high and mighty lord Payne gives a shit about you Niall, but I might be wrong. And if he does care. Well, how much are you worth? His share of the Payne lands and fortune? Because that’s the price on your head Niall. A far cry from changing hands for a few silver crowns. Or being a farmer’s son. I might even take his life Niall, because you will never go back to him. Whether he comes or not. You’re mine." The man laughed. "I can’t really lose. You can’t ever win. Now think about that. I’ll be back soon." NIall bit his lip. He would not cry, but he doubted how long he’d be able to hold the tears.

Liam searched the forest fruitlessly. Deep down he knew Niall wasn’t there, but he had to do something. Eventually he found himself at Michael’s grave. He knelt there. "Michael. I’ve lost him, and I can feel something bad happened. I can feel his fear and pain. He’s alone and scared, and I can’t help him. Why didn’t I tell him Michael? That I loved him. I knew how much he wanted me to, but I wouldn’t - and now he’s gone. Why? And I don’t know what to do."

"Ask for help!" The quiet voice made him jump. He turned. There was the young warrior who had saved his life.

"What are you doing here"?"

"Watching you. I often do it. Watch you talk to your dead. We warriors don’t do that. When a person is dead, he stays dead. And that’s that."

"That’s the difference between us and you lot."

"Not me. I am half Christian. My father - my real father lives in the village out there."

Liam looked in amazement. "That’s why you helped me."

"And why I want to help now. No disrespect to your dead, but I can do a lot more. Who have you lost?"

"Someone who means a lot to me. Someone I love."

Louis nodded. "Tell me more. And I will help."

NIall gritted his teeth as the pain in his arms and shoulders slowly intensified. He had no way of knowing how long he’d been there, but he guessed it was a while. He managed to fall into a restless doze for brief periods but his uncomfortable position made proper sleep impossible. Plus he was very thirsty and the fear he was feeling made this worse.

He was totally alone. The only sound was the scurrying of the mice and rats. Yet he preferred the solitude to the return of Lord Richard, for he knew what that would mean. He shivered involuntarily at the thoughts

He thought of Liam. What was he doing? Was he safe or fighting the warriors? Or was it all a set up to capture him for revenge? What if Lord Richard had ambushed them? What if Liam was dead? At this thought the threatening tears increased and he blinked them rapidly away. Another awful thought occurred to him, what if Liam didn’t care that Lord Richard held him captive? What if he just saw it as an opportunity to get rid of Niall? After all, he had never told Niall that he loved him.

"Don’t be stupid! Liam’s explained that. He cares." Despite everything, a small smile crossed his face at the memories. Him and Liam in bed. The way it made him feel. The smile soon faded as footsteps echoed round the cell and Lord Richard entered, accompanied by John. He shivered again.

"Ah Niall. Had time to think over what I said to you? To accept you’re mine now?"

"Fuck off to hell!"

Lord Richard’s eyes narrowed and he slapped Niall hard across the face. "I can see I’ll have to teach you some manners. You’ve definitely forgotten your place." He turned to John. "Release him!" The words didn’t make Niall feel any better – he had an idea that his problems were only just beginning.

He fell on the hard stone floor as John released him, which knocked the wind out of him. This wasn’t helped by John kicking him hard in the ribs. Lord Richard just laughed. "Enough! I want you to take a message to young Lord Payne. That if he wants to see Niall alive again, he needs to meet with me. And soon! There will be plenty of time for fun with Niall later. He’s going no where. But before you go, help me secure him!"

Strong hands gripped him with a lot more force than necessary and heaved him upright. He resisted as much as possible, and got another slap across the face for it. It was futile anyway. He was soon securely fastened to a post.

"Go John. The sooner Payne knows, the sooner the fun begins!"

Louis looked at Liam. "If you tell me, I can try to help."

"My friend is missing!"

"In battle?"

"No, we were told there was an attack. Half way there Niall’s horse lost a shoe. He went back to the castle. We got to the village, but there was no attack. He had been misled. On arriving back to the castle we found Niall’s horse had returned – without him!" His voice tailed off.

Louis thought. "He couldn’t have got lost?"

"I doubt it. We’ve traced his route anyway."

"Then I think ... he is missing on purpose!"

"You think that someone has taken him?"

"Yes. And it will not be warriors! We ... they ... do not take prisoners and there have been no killings today. So I think you must look to your own people to find Niall." He looked again at Liam’s distraught expression. "He means a lot to you. Your friend?"

"Yes! An awful lot. I don’t know who would do such a thing."

"Find that person, and you will find Niall." He gave Liam a gentle smile. "I must go now, but I will look for your friend. Just in case we are wrong. What does he look like?"

Liam bit his lip. "He’s small, a bit smaller than me, slender yet muscular. Golden blond hair and eyes the colour of the sky on a summer’s day."

Louis missed nothing. "You love this friend!" He said simply. It was a statement, not a question.

Liam nodded, he had denied Niall too often. "Yes, I do. More than my life. But he doesn’t know. I never told him, and now it's too late."

Louis shook his head. "No it isn’t. We will find him. Meet me here at sunset tomorrow."

"Thank you!" He watched the young warrior ride off, wondering how his world could have turned upside down so quickly. Then he turned to ride back to the castle before Anto sent out a search party for him also.

At that moment the thought of Liam’s love was all that was keeping Niall sane. Lord Richard was walking slowly around him. Taunting him. Stroking his cheeks. Touching his hair. Laughing as Niall squirmed to get away from his touch. "Relax Niall, you’re going no where!"

"Get your fucking hands off me!"

"Now then Niall, we really will have to do something about your language."

"Fuck off!"

The man laughed. "You know Niall, you’re a bit grubby and sweaty but you don’t look distressed enough. Not to make Liam want to give up his lands and everything for you. I think we’ll have to do something about that. If he sees you ... suffering it may hasten his decision – assuming of course that he does feel anything for a snivelling wretch like you. Other than mere lust for your body."

Niall tried to ignore him, to control the fear coursing through his body, but it was impossible. Lord Richard ran a hand over the soft skin of Niall’s throat and down Niall’s shirt collar – without warning he ripped it down the front so it fell open exposing Niall’s chest. Niall shivered violently and the evil lord laughed.

"Don’t worry Niall, we’re not having fun like that yet, tempting though it is." He ran his hand over Niall’s chest, touching the nipples. NIall thought he was going to throw up. "You haven’t suffered enough yet Niall. Besides I think we need an audience for that. I have something else in mind for now!" Laughing he pushed Niall’s shirt off of his shoulders. A look of surprise and then evil pleasure spread over his face as he saw Niall’s scars.

"Well, well Niall. We have been in the wars, haven’t we? You’re certainly no longer an innocent little boy any more."

"I lost my innocence the day you brought me here!"

"Niall, with your looks you were never going to keep it long!" He touched the scars. "So you were a bad boy who needed punishing. I suppose, Liam has seen these?"

Niall said nothing. Then yelped as the man grabbed his hair, viciously twisting it. "Has he? Answer me boy!"

"Of course he has. Why do you think he took me in? Because some bastard you sold me to almost killed me!"

"That bastard is probably one of my friends."

"I didn’t know you had any. But it figures." Niall was past caring. He figured the evil swine was going to hurt him anyway. He wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of seeing him crumble and plead. Not this time!

"So why did they beat you?" He roughly twisted Niall’s hair again.

"Because they were cruel bastards. OW! And because I objected to being raped."

"Niall, as a slave you have no rights to objections."

"Well, I’m not a slave any longer!"

"That idiot Payne has given you your freedom? How can a fool like that fight for his lands. He is far too soft. But enough of this pleasant chat. I want you to look as if you’re suffering. You will be suffering. More sweat. A little blood. If Payne isn’t moved by that..." He approached Niall. "A little pain, and then we can begin to enjoy ourselves." He ran his hands gently through Niall’s hair. "You are so beautiful though Niall. Payne may be a fool, but he has good taste. I’ll be back soon. Very soon indeed!"

As his footsteps died away Niall gave a small sigh of relief, he’d thought he was going to throw up over the lord. But it wasn’t really relief, he knew it would be short lived. He pressed his cheek against the cool smooth wood of the post and prayed. "Please Lord, let Liam be all right!"

Liam walked into the kitchen, Zayn and Harry were already there sat talking to Anto. "Any sign of him?"

"Not a trace. It's as if he’s vanished."

"He can’t have!" Liam snapped. Over the last few weeks, the old aggressive hard to live with Liam had almost disappeared and this was solely to do with Niall. They all knew that. Even if Liam would have never admitted it. But without the small blond lad he was soon reverting back to his old ways – and they all knew why! Anto patted him on the arm.

"Liam, we’ll find him!"

"You can’t say that! He could be dead Anto. Ambushed."

"I don’t think so. Someone went to a lot of trouble to separate him from you. I don’t think it was to kill him!" Liam sank onto a bench – all he wanted was Niall. The way his bright smile cheered Liam. His boyish excitement. The way he had fought and conquered his demons. Only Liam really knew what courage that had taken. The way Niall’s body responded in bed, or the shy way he took the lead in love making. All Liam needed to make him happy was Niall but it was all or nothing. Without Niall he could never be happy. In a way it was worse than Michael, because he didn’t know what had happened to Niall.

Suddenly a servant rushed in. "Lord Liam, there is a man here to see you. He says it's urgent."

"Tell him sorry, but no. I have pressing things on my mind."

"He says its about Master Niall!"

The room fell silent. Anto stood up but Liam shook his head. "I will hear him alone."

"Liam. Keep calm. It will not help Niall if you lose your temper with this man."

"I know that Anto." He took a deep breath and followed the servant.

His eyes opened wide as he recognised John. "You are one of Lord Richard’s men, are you not?"

"I am indeed." Liam didn’t like the expression on John’s face. Smug, self satisfied. 

"Then what can you know about Niall Horan?"

"I know plenty Lord Payne, but I have a message. If you wish to see Niall alive again, then you must meet with Lord Richard as soon as you can. Tomorrow first light would be good!"

"Hold on a minute! You’ve seen Niall? How is he? Is he hurt? Where is he? And what's Lord Richard got to do with this?"

John turned to leave. "I have said all I’m going to. Tomorrow, first light. Good evening young sir."

"Not so fast!" Liam caught the man’s arm. "I asked some questions. I want answers."

"Let go of me. If I don’t return, Niall will die. Slowly and in agony. Do you want that on your conscience?" There was evil in the man’s voice, and Liam sensed he was telling the truth. He released the man.

"Until we meet again Payne."

Liam was shaking as he returned to the kitchen. Three anxious faces peered at him. "It was one of Lord Richard’s men. If I want to see Niall alive again, I have to meet with the evil lord himself." Liam sat down. "It makes no sense though. What has Lord Richard to do with this? I know he doesn’t like me, but he doesn’t even know Niall. So why him?"

Anto cleared his throat. "Liam. He does know Niall. He’s the lord that rescued him from the warriors and ... and raped him."

Liam went white, Anto thought he was going to faint. "How do you know this? Niall has never told me."

"He let it slip when you went to fight for the man’s land. He didn’t mean to, and he made me promise not to tell you. I guess he knew ..."

"I’m going to slaughter that man. Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?" Liam jumped up.

"I guess he knew how you’d react. There’s been enough violence in Niall’s life, and you can’t give him back his stolen innocence. Liam, you’ll only get him killed racing in like that. We have to plan."

"I’ll meet the bastard tomorrow."

"Liam, it will be a trap."

"Don’t you think I don’t know that? But I have no choice. Niall has suffered at the hands of this brute before. I can’t leave him now. Not when he’s suffering for me. You can plan how too rescue the pair of us. Because when sun rises tomorrow - I’ll will be facing that bastard, and making him pay for what he has done to Niall. Even if it costs me my life." He turned and left the room without another word. 


	15. Chapter 15

Niall shivered as the footsteps he dreaded drew closer. Although Lord Richard no longer mentally terrified him, he was still scared of what was about to come. He knew he had quite a high pain threshold, heaven knows he had suffered enough after all, but he also knew the evil lord was sadistic. He hoped he could hang on and not show his pain.

"Ah Niall, told you I’d be right back. I’m afraid I’ve no original punishment for you. I do have a torture chamber, but I don’t really wish to incapacitate you ... just yet. So it's something you’re obviously used to a good whipping." He showed Niall the whip. "You can beg me for mercy. I’ll enjoy that, but you probably won’t get it!" He laughed. Niall closed his eyes and prayed as he heard the whip. Then he put all his strength and energy into staying silent. He would not give Lord Richard the satisfaction of hearing him scream.

After what seemed like an eternity the ‘punishment’ stopped. Lord Richard put down the whip and looked at the panting boy. Niall had not made a sound during the beating and Richard was disappointed – he’d wanted to hear Niall cry and yelp. But he was also impressed at the boy’s self control. He hadn’t held back on the beating either, and Niall’s body was criss-crossed with angry red marks – not just his back, but over his chest and stomach as well. Lord Richard suspected the same marks covered the boy’s thighs underneath his trousers too. Some dripped a little blood and Niall’s body was covered in sweat.

"Well that should do the trick. You don’t look so proud and arrogant now Niall! Didn’t you want to beg for mercy then?" He taunted the boy. Niall ignored him. He was still fighting for breath and to keep conscious, and he had the feeling that if he opened his mouth he would be sick. So he just kept his eyes closed and thought of Liam. Liam wouldn’t let him down. He was sure of that!

John came in. "Your message was delivered sir." He smiled wickedly at the sight of Niall’s limp body. "Having some fun sir?"

"A little. How did Payne take it?"

"Well, he tried to threaten me, but I told him if he kept me - the little bastard would die screaming. As he would if Payne fails to respond."

"Good! Good. And when he sees Niall," he didn’t finish speaking, but gave an evil smile. "I must retire. I’m exhausted, and I think I will have a busy day tomorrow. John, make sure Niall is secured to the wall, but not too comfortably. Oh, and he might want a drink. Use the water in the pail. Though I’m not sure how fresh it is." He gestured to a bucket of stale water. "Sleep well Niall. I’ll see you tomorrow!"

"And ... and I’ll ... see ... y ... you ... in ... hell!"

The man just laughed.

John roughly untied the boy and caught him as his legs buckled. Unceremoniously he dragged him back against the wall and chained him once more, though this time his feet were on the floor. Unless his legs gave way again in which case his full weight would once more be on his arms and shoulders.

"You know Niall," the man spoke almost conversationally, "I only fucked you the once, but I enjoyed it. I think about it often. Wondered what happened to you. And now you’re back here. His lordship will get fed up of you. Oh right now it's great. You’re a good way to get back at Payne. But he’ll get bored. But I won’t Niall. I’ll be waiting. Remember that." He touched Niall’s sweat soaked hair.

"Fuck off. You twisted evil bastard."

John laughed. "I like them young and full of fire." He picked the water up. Scooping up a handful and holding it to Niall’s mouth. "You must be thirsty Niall."

Niall was, it had been a hot day and he was losing a lot of fluid with all the sweating. But he didn’t want to drink from the man’s hands. He felt shame, but he had no choice. The water was vile and he gagged a little, but managed to force a little down.

"Too good for common water now?" Laughing he threw the water over Niall. "Have a pleasant evening. The temperature will be dropping soon, that will cool you down." Then he left abruptly.

Niall concentrated in standing upright. He could have leaned against the wall, but it pulled his arms and more painfully meant he had to rest his sore back against the rough stones. So he stood, praying for the night to be over even though the morning would bring fresh torment. He fell into another uneasy doze. Nightmarish visions of Lord Richard fucking Liam. Liam was crying. "Noooo take me. You’ve ruined me anyway. Take me. Leave him. Please. LIAM!"

Sudden pain in his arms made him waken. His legs refused to hold him any longer and all that was holding him upright were the chains. And he was freezing as the temperature dropped and his wet clothes dried on him. He had let Liam down. The first tears ran down his face and then the pain in his body got too much. Thankfully he passed out.

Liam bit his lip as he saddled his horse. He hadn’t sleep well. He knew he wouldn’t. Niall crying, calling him for help as the sadistic lord tortured and beat him. Or even more frightening were the memories of Niall as he had been when they found him. Wounded, scared, whimpering like an animal in pain. The weeks of nursing and even longer to try and rebuild him as a person. They had achieved so much yet were going to lose it. Because Liam himself had pissed off Lord Richard. Right now, whatever the man did, didn’t concern Liam as long as it didn’t involve himself or Niall. Then he thought of the truth, this man was the person who had caused Niall’s pain and insecurity. And he wanted him dead.

A figure blocked the doorway as he tried to ride out. It was Zayn. "Let me and Harry come Liam."

"No."

"Liam, we care about Niall too, love him even. And we care about you."

"If that bastard sees you, he’ll kill him. At least I have a chance." Liam knew the chance was less than none, never had he ridden into battle with worse odds - but he had no choice.

"We’ll only ride to the village and not with you. Just so we are near. Please."

Liam looked. He wanted them. For the first time he could admit that. He didn’t want to feel alone. He was scared. Not of dying, but of how he would find Niall. He nodded. "Ok, but give me time so they don’t associate you with me."

Zayn smiled and hugged the younger lad. "Bring him home Liam."

"I intend to." He just hoped it would be alive. Then he climbed up on his horse and rode off.

Dawn was breaking as he reached Lord Richard’s estate. He wanted to destroy it utterly but not until he had Niall safe in his arms. He prayed for safety for them both, and then rang the large bell. Francis opened the gate. "Lord Payne. His lordship is expecting you."

"I know." He walked once more into the hall.

It was empty. Liam felt anger rise. "I am here. Let's get this matter over with."

A figure approached. "Ah young Lord Payne. We meet again." His eyes narrowed. "And this time I will not be made to feel small in my own house."

"Cut the shite, where’s Niall?"

"Niall? Niall? Ah yes. Small, blond. Very nice arse. He’s safe for now."

"I want to see him!"

"You aren’t in a position to make any demands, Liam my boy!"

"I want to make sure you have him."

Richard held out an object. Liam’s heart pounded. "His sword I believe."

Liam took the sword. Maybe it was cursed? First Michael, now Niall. "Yes, but you could have just found this. Or Niall could already be ... dead." He felt sick saying those words.

"True. But I assure you he is not. OK, I will outline my conditions, then show you Niall. You fulfill the conditions - you get him back. Simple as that."

"I don’t bargain! Especially with scum like you."

"You wish him to die? Fine. I’ll send Francis to the cells. John is with him now. He can soon slit his throat."

"No, wait. What do you want?"

"I want ... so many things. But your title and your share of Mullingar castle and its forces will do for a start. Plus 100 pieces of silver. A small price to pay for Niall."

"You bastard. I can’t give you my title and the castle. It's also Nicholas’, my brother’s."

"Then I suggest you go and discuss it with him. Because I want it by this time tomorrow. Or Niall dies. Oh, and Liam, a constant guard of my lands would be an added bonus. I’m getting so weary of the warrior attacks."

Liam nodded. He had to buy time and a day was pretty good. But he had to see Niall first. Reassure him. "How about me seeing Niall. Now!"

The man smiled and nodded. "Certainly. Follow me." He led the way down into the dark smelly damp dungeons. Liam felt himself beginning to shake with anger that the man dare keep Niall in a place like this, and also with fear that of how he would find Niall. He could barely restrain himself from breaking the man’s neck. He had to stay calm for Niall’s sake. But it was hard. So very hard.

And he felt no better when he saw Niall. "Oh lord," he muttered under his breath, but the evil man heard and smiled. "You see Liam. I spoke the truth. I have Niall at my mercy."

Liam looked. Niall was in a filthy dungeon, hanging by his arms, his body limp. Liam breathed in sharply at the sight of him. His shirt was hanging off of him and in tatters, exposing his chest - which was marked by small cuts and welts from the whip, as was his stomach. His body was covered in a thin layer of muck and splattered with blood and sweat. His trousers were wet and torn, and his hair was wet and dirty. He seemed to be unconscious, his head was hanging down and Liam couldn’t see his face but he wasn’t moving and he didn’t seem aware.

"Oh God. Niall." There was no response. He turned to Lord Richard.

"You fucking bastard. You’ve hurt him."

"Not permanently. He’s just a bit sore. Whether I hurt him anymore depends on you Payne. Whether I take pleasure in his wonderful body."

He found himself slammed roughly against the stone dungeon walls. "I’ll kill you, you fucking cruel bastard." Liam tightened the pressure on his throat.

John stepped forward, close to Niall’s limp body. "I wouldn’t." The sound of flesh making contact with flesh as John slapped Niall hard across the face. Niall made an involuntary cry as the man grabbed his hair and exposed his throat, pressing the unsheathed blade of his sword to it. "Not unless you want Niall to die. Now!"

Liam looked at Niall. He didn’t really seem with it, but fresh blood was trickling from his split lip. Liam released his lordship reluctantly.

"Thank you."

"Let him go."

"Not until we complete the deal. You have seen him, you know he’s alive. Now go and keep your side of the bargain."

"No. I want to speak to him. Let me in with him." Liam bit back the please. Richard was about to refuse, but he had the feeling that if he let Liam near Niall, touch Niall, the emotions that would be released would give him great pleasure in mocking. He motioned for John to unlock the dungeon.

"You may have a few minutes. To convince yourself he is all right."

Liam nervously approached Niall. His head was resting on his chest again and Liam felt tears building. An unaccustomed feeling. He glared at John and mentally added him to his list of people to make suffer, John drew back a little. "Niall. Niall, babe. It's me. Come on. Look at me."

"Li ... Liam?"

"Yes. It's me. Come on Niall. Look at me!"

"I ... I’m ... I’m sorry." Niall half managed to lift his head. "R ... really ... so ... sorry."

"Niall, love." Liam reached out and gently slid his hand under Niall’s chin. Trying to ignore the tremor of fear he felt through Niall’s body at his touch. Even more gently he raised Niall’s head to look him in the eyes. His heart sank at the fear and hopelessness in Niall’s normally bright eyes. He had been crying and the tears left tracks down the dirt and blood on Niall’s cheeks. "You have nothing to be sorry for alright? The only person who has done wrong here is the bastard keeping you here!"

"I knew ... knew you’d come. No ... matter ... matter what he said."

"Of course I’d come. I ... I ..." He bit his lip, he didn’t want the first time he told Niall he loved him to be in front of that bastard. "I wouldn’t leave you with him."

"Are ... you going to ... to take me home now?"

Liam swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to ignore the snorts of laughter from Lord Richard. "Not yet Niall. Just hang on a bit longer love. I have to do something first before I can take you home. But ... I’ll be back soon. I promise love."

Niall felt fresh tears start to fall. "Please Liam. Don’t give in to him. I’m not worth it. Just kill him."

"And let you die? Never Niall, you are worth it. Can you hang on? How are you feeling?"

"Sore. But I’ll manage. Just ... don’t ... don’t forget me."

"I could never forget you Niall. And I’ll be back. Hold on."

"How touching. But that’s enough. It's enough to turn my stomach before breakfast. Now go Liam, and fufill your deal. Before first light tomorrow."

Liam gently touched Niall’s abused body. "I will be back love. Trust me."

"I always have." Niall managed a weak smile. "And if I die, make sure you kill that bastard." Liam nodded and followed the lord out of the dungeon, not looking back but leaving a piece of his heart there.

He reached where his horse was tethered and swung himself onto its back. "You are dead Lord Richard, for what you have done to Niall. Before and now. I will not rest until you die like the scum you are."

"First light Payne or Niall will be the one dying!"

Liam rode swiftly to where Zayn and Harry were waiting for him. Zayn’s heart fell at the sight of Liam, his dejected stance and the desperation in his eyes. And he was alone. Part of Zayn had been convincing himself Liam would have decimated the evil lord and brought Niall back. It was obviously not going to be that easy.

"Well? Where’s Niall?" Harry had no patience. Liam snapped.

"Chained to the wall in a filthy damp dungeon. After being whipped."

"Oh Lord. Why? What?"

"Why didn’t I get him out? Because that evil bastard had a sword to his throat. He wants a ‘deal’. He wants my title and share of lands. One hundred silver crowns. Oh, and constant protection for his lands against the warriors. Then he says I can have Niall back."

"Heavens. That’s ..."

"Impossible. They’re not my lands to give. And ... and I don’t think he’ll give me Niall either. I think ... I think whatever happens, he’ll kill him or rape him again. If he hasn’t already."

"Then what do we do?"

"I don’t know. But I need to plan. Because tomorrow this is ending for good or bad. And I’ll need help."

"You always have us, you know! We love Niall too."

"I know. And thanks." But he was thinking of other help too.

Liam said very little on the ride back to Mullingar castle. The others knew better than to speak to him. Wordlessly he handed his horse to a servant and went to find Anto and Nicholas. Anto was staring out of the window. He turned and knew it wasn’t looking good. Liam was alone and nearer to tears than he had been since Michael’s death. But he waited for Liam to speak.

"The bastard’s got Niall. He ... he ..." Liam was shaking with anger and pain.

"Steady on lad." Anto wanted nothing more than to hold Liam close to him, take away the pain, make it all right. But he couldn’t rescue Niall for him, and that would be the only thing that would make Liam feel better.

"He’s keeping Niall a prisoner. He wants ... he wants my title and lands. My share of the castle. One hundred silver crowns and protection for his lands."

Anto was stunned. "And in return he’ll give you Niall?"

"I don’t think he will. I think it’s a trap. I think he’ll kill him. He just wants to make me suffer. But I have to take the risk, because I have to try and get Niall back. He can’t die Anto, not because of me."

"Now then lad. It isn’t because of you. Lord Richard and Niall have a long history."

"Yes, but he’d sold Niall. It was over. Then he saw him here, after I upset him. He took him because of me Anto. And he’ll kill him because of me."

"Oh lad." Anto’s feelings lost the fight. He put his arms round Liam. He expected Liam to pull away, to reject the small comfort he was trying to offer but instead the boy leaned into him. For one minute Anto held his breath, thinking that Liam was at last going to break down and cry, let loose the feelings he had been harbouring since losing Michael which would only intensify now he had lost Niall too. Then Anto mentally shook himself – he was thinking as if Niall was already dead. He was still alive and they had to think positively.

But Liam didn’t cry although he was very close to it. He took a couple of deep breaths and let Anto’s warmth and love and strength soak into him. He wasn’t Niall, but he had been with Liam since he was a baby and he cared. Right now Liam needed love. Then after a few minutes he pulled away and gave Anto a little smile. "Thanks. I needed that!"

"Remember what I used to say? You’re never too old for a hug or to feel the back of my hand." Anto tried to make a joke. Then he went serious. "Did you see Niall then?"

Liam shuddered and nodded. "Yes. I made him take me to him. But I have the feeling he would have done anyway." His voice was very quiet. "He, they’ve got him chained up in a dungeon Anto. And ... and they’ve beaten him. He was covered in whip marks, just like before. He was hardly conscious. I wanted to kill them, but that bastard had his swine of a servant hold a sword to Niall’s throat. I could do nothing. I failed him Anto. Failed him."

"No, you didn’t. There was nothing you could have done there, in that situation. You remembered what I taught you about a no win situation. Step back and assess the situation, then try a different tactic."

"But it's not so simple when it's someone you ... care about involved."

"I know. How do you think I feel every time you and Nicholas ride off to battle? How do you think I felt when Michael died? You may have been his lover. I brought him up, I trained him. I hurt too Liam. And now, with Niall. I love the lad Liam. Remember me sitting up with him, cleaning him up. Just because you were the one he trusted doesn’t mean the rest of us lost interest."

Liam thought about what Anto was saying. He had never considered that other people were suffering over the same things he hurt over. "Anto. I’m sorry."

"Don’t be. I just want you to realise. Did you speak to Niall?"

Liam nodded. "I touched him and he shook with fear Anto. Then he asked, he asked if I’d come to take him home. Oh lord. And I had to ... I had to tell him ... I was leaving him there for a while longer. I had to leave him there, Anto."

"We’ll get him back Liam. Now shall I call Nicholas and the others? We need to plan. How long have we got?"

"I have to go back at first light tomorrow."

"Then we have to hurry."

Niall didn’t know what time it was hung in the dark dungeon. All he could do was think that Liam had come for him. Would come back for him. Cared about him. He could hang on. His arms felt like they were being pulled from their sockets. Some of the deeper cuts were seriously sore, his sweat was running into them which made them worse, it stung. The sour water had given him a stomach ache and he wanted to vomit. Plus his mouth was so dry. But he had to hang on. He had to.

He was surprised Lord Richard hadn’t been back to rape him or at least give him another beating, but he prayed his luck would hold. He wondered what the man wanted from Liam. Whatever it was, he wouldn’t be worth it. After all he was only a slave. Why should Liam meet his demands? He had never even said he loved Niall. But although Niall argued with himself, he knew Liam cared. His tone when he stood next to him in the damp cell. His gentle touch. Liam would do everything to free him.

The dungeon door banged and he jumped in fear. But it was only John. He was carrying a jug of clean water and a heavy leather belt. Niall’s stomach tightened with fear. "I’ve brought you some water Niall. Clean water."

"And to what price do I have to pay for your kindness?" Despite everything, Niall couldn’t keep the sarcastic note out of his voice.

John laughed. "So cynical Niall? And so young. What are you? Eighteen or nineteen. Still a child."

"My childhood was taken a long time ago."

The man laughed again, and approached the boy. "So? Do you want a drink or what?"

"I asked what the price was."

"Not what you think Niall, as much as I’d like to feel your body again." He ran a hand over Niall’s stomach – Niall tensed. "It would be more than my life’s worth. His Lordship is saving that honour. But he sent me to apologise for his ... absence today. He is preparing for tomorrow, so cannot 'teach you a lesson' today. But he asked me to," he smiled wickedly and showed Niall the belt. Niall shuddered, but stayed silent. John was another who he wouldn’t give the pleasure of crying for.

"So you don’t want a drink yet? You will when I’ve finished." Roughly he released Niall’s wrists. Once more allowing him to fall on the hard floor. Once again Niall withdrew into himself, concentrating all his energy into remaining silent as the cruel leather slapped hard against his backside and upper thighs. It hurt, a bruising pain that he knew he would feel for several days. It took his breath away and took several minutes for him to actually realise the beating had stopped. It hurt to move. 

John knelt beside him. "Why don’t you fight Niall? There’s only me. You could have overpowered me. Escaped."

"Where to? Give you an excuse to kill me? No." "I made a promise," he told himself, "to Liam."

John kicked Niall brutally in the stomach. "You’ll wish you were dead tomorrow morning. Trust me on that." He didn’t bother chaining Niall up again. Where could he go? Even if he had the strength, there were too many locked doors and gates. And by the looks of him, Niall was going no where.

Niall waited till he heard the heavy door slam then managed to crawl to the water jug. Somehow getting the cold water into him. Then he passed out on the floor. His mind on Liam. "Please. Please Liam. I can’t ... can't hold on ... much longer!"

Liam slipped out of the castle and took his horse. Thankful no one had seen him leave. He didn’t want to answer questions about what he was doing. Plans had been made for the morning. Sensible plans. He would take the silver to Lord Richard. State that the only way he would get the lands and title was to release Niall and bring him to the estate gates where Nicholas would be waiting with the formalities. Then once everyone was out in the open, an attack would take place. Liam doubted the plan would work. Surely the evil lord would think they would set a trap. And depending on the state Niall was in, their escape wouldn’t be easy. But there was no other way. Liam didn’t know how the warrior boy could help, but he was keeping their meeting. He felt he had to.

Louis was sat on his horse waiting. "Good evening. I have searched for your friend. There is no trace."

"There won’t be. I saw him today. You were right. He is a prisoner of one of my own. Though the bastard who has him is not one of us."

"Like I am not one of mine. Why did this man take your friend?"

"To take revenge on me. I offended him. He summoned me, Niall is in a dungeon, beaten, half dead. This Lord wants my land, my title."

"And ...?"

"And he could have it . I would give it all for Niall, but I don’t think it will be enough. I think he will kill Niall anyway. I have to go tomorrow." He told Louis of the plan. Louis was thoughtful.

"Hmmm Lord Richard of Mullingar. My ... father, or the man who’s lineage I take, used to make deals with him. Planned attacks and avoidance of certain property for money. Till Richard double crossed him. Darus, my 'father' is planning an attack even now."

"I don’t suppose he could attack tomorrow morning?"

Louis smiled. "If he thought he could wipe out more Christians as well, no offence, he just might. But he will not be selective in who he slaughters."

"We can handle that. But I need time to get Niall out."

"No problem. I will be the lookout. Not give the signal till you are clear of the estate."

"Thank you."

"May I ask a favour in return?"

"Anything."

"Assuming we both survive this tomorrow, I will not be able to remain with my people. If they find out I’ve helped the enemy? I know this is a lot to ask, but would you give me sanctuary?"

"Of course. That goes without saying."

"I am half warrior Liam."

"And half Christian. And a whole person. You will be safe with me Louis."

The boy smiled. "Until tomorrow. Good luck."

"And you." Liam rode back to the castle.

"Where have you been?"

"Praying by Michael’s grave! That we are not burying Niall tomorrow."

Anto nodded. "I’m sure we will succeed."

"I wish I had your confidence. I shall retire now."

But the night was long and sleepless for Liam. What would the morning bring?


	16. Chapter 16

Liam halted his horse a few hundred yards from the estate gates. He turned to his brother. "I must go on alone from here."

Nicholas nodded. "Be careful Liam. Impetuous behaviour won’t save Niall and will get you both killed. And remember, if you ... fail to save Niall, you did all you could."

Liam looked his brother in the eyes. "No, I didn’t. I didn’t tell him I loved him. That’s why I have to succeed."

Nicholas hugged him. "Go safely little brother. Bring your love back!"

Louis prepared to ride as lookout. He had convinced Darus that he had overheard the lords talking, that there was dissention amongst them and it would be the ideal opportunity to overthrow that area of Mullingar. Holding his breath, he had been surprised when the leader had believed him. He was happily planning the massacre now. Louis made sure he had the lookout post above the estate gates. He prayed to a new god now.

Francis stepped forward and took Liam’s horse from him. "Lord Richard is waiting for you in the main hall." Liam nodded and followed another servant. His heart was beating rapidly. Niall’s life was hanging in the balance. No one noticed a hooded figure slip through the gates before they clanged shut.

"Ah Payne, on time. I do admire promptness. But there was a high price for lateness today. Wasn’t there?"

"Cut the conversation. Here’s your silver." Liam threw the money on the floor. "Bring me Niall!"

"Not so fast. Francis. Count the money. And Liam. Where are the deeds? Your title? This is only part of the deal."

"It's all you’ll get till Niall is at the gates. I don’t trust you. If I hand it all over, you could still kill Niall."

To his surprise Lord Richard laughed. "You are right there. And much more intelligent than I gave you credit for." He turned to John. "Fetch Niall here." Liam’s heartbeat quickened. He couldn’t believe it was working. Richard gave him an evil grin.

"But you aren’t that intelligent Liam. You made one mistake. A fatal mistake. Guards!" Suddenly Liam was surrounded by several of the man’s household guards. He made to draw his sword but he was a fraction too late and they disarmed him. Chaining his hands behind his back.

"You assumed I was going to kill Niall all the time. You were wrong. Why would I kill Niall? Me and him have a history. Why would I kill my little plaything? I’m going to kill you Liam. Once you have witnessed me do something you will never do again. Fuck Niall."

"You fucking bastard. I’ll kill you you evil swine."

"No Liam. I’ll kill you, after I’ve had some fun. This sounds like Francis with Niall now. Enjoy this moment Liam." Liam could have kicked himself. He had got it wrong, now he was helpless and Niall was going to suffer. He was a fucking idiot.

Niall could hardly stand, but he was struggling against Francis as he dragged him into the hall. "Niall. So glad you could join us. I’ve decided I’ve restrained myself enough where you’re concerned. So we’re going to relieve the past. And I’ve decided to share this emotional moment with a friend of yours."

Niall stopped struggling when he saw Liam held between two guards. "Liam?"

"I’m sorry Niall. I was stupid. I failed you."

"No you could never fail me."

"Oh this is so touching. Will you feel the same Niall when I’m fucking you? Never mind. Be consoled. When Liam lets me fuck you, while he watches. Then you can watch him die."

"NO!" Niall went pale and started to kick and struggle. The lord watched his futile efforts with a look of amusement ... then he slapped Niall across the face as hard as he could. "Do you want me to break both your legs? Because Niall I will, all I promised you was that I wouldn’t sell you or let you die. Pain didn’t come into the bargain. I can still have my way with you."

"Niall." Liam kept his voice calm. "Don’t make it any worse for you. Relax."

"Liam. Please. Don’t let him."

"I can’t stop him love. I’m sorry. So sorry." Niall went very silent and still. Allowing the guards to drag him to the wooden banqueting table. Bending him over it, tying him to the legs. Liam felt sick. He couldn’t help Niall and Niall knew this. His whole body read defeat. He had given up. And Liam realised he might as well give up too. He was going to see Niall brutally violated and then he was going to die with the knowledge that he couldn’t even comfort him. That no one would be there for him. 

Richard smiled. He approached Niall and ripped down his trousers. Exposing his bruised buttocks and the welts on his thighs. He let Liam have a good look before he proceeded to take Niall violently. Liam tried to look away, but the guards made him look. Made him keep his eyes open. Apart from an involuntary gasp when the evil lord had thrust into him, Niall was silent. Not a cry or a whimper, and this made Liam feel worse. He sensed Niall was trying to be brave for his sake. 

It was soon over. Lord Richard actually regretted his unrelieved excitement, he hadn’t been able to last long. Still when he pulled out of Niall, he felt himself begin to get excited again. He moved aside so Liam could see the blood running down Niall’s thighs. Liam muttered a silent prayer and bit his lip. Niall lifted his head from the table and blinked back the tears. 

"You have little staying power Lord Richard. Liam’s twice the lover you’ll ever be. I guess now I’ve had a real man, I know these things. You must be getting past it!"

The man’s face darkened and he thumped Niall hard. So hard that he felt his rib crack. "I’ll show you who’s a man, when I’ve dealt with Payne." He hit Niall’s head against the table, knocking him out.

Then he approached Liam. "It's over Payne. You can wait in the dungeon whilst I teach Niall some manners. Then I’ll bring him down to watch as I slit your throat. Chain him up." 

Nicholas glanced at the sun, from its position he knew a great deal of time had passed and it was making him feel uneasy. "I don’t like this," he muttered.

"Shall we attack?" Zayn didn’t like it either.

"No. We could get them killed."

"They could be dead already! Sooner or later we have to take that chance."

"I’ll make it later."

Louis was also getting anxious. He knew Darus wouldn’t wait forever. He would attack the estate without waiting for the other Christians. And kill Niall and Liam without a second thought. "Come on Liam." 

Liam was chained in the exact same position Niall had been, and he had to admire Niall’s strength of will because it hurt. John was idly running a finger over his sword and making comments about what his lordship would be doing to Niall at that minute.

"Niall’s a good fuck Liam. I’ve had him myself. But then you’ll know how good he is in bed."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Of course he used to cry a lot. But it turned me on when he whimpered."

"I told you to fucking shut up!"

"But you’re not in any position to tell me anything."

"No, but I am." John went pale at the voice and turned to see a hooded figure enter the cell he had carelessly left unlocked.

Niall came round with a splitting headache and pain all over his body. He felt he had been ripped in half and his ribs hurt. He was careful not to let the evil lord see he was awake again. If he thought he was unconscious, it would delay the evil moment a bit longer. And delay Liam’s death. He prayed.

"It can’t be." John was backing away from the figure. "You’re ... you’re dead. I killed you. Paul!" Paul pulled his hood down. Liam looked at the man who had meant so much to Niall. He was thickset with short dark hair and looked very much alive!

"First rule John. Always check the body. You wounded me - pretty badly. But some villagers found me, nursed me back to health. I’m one of their leaders now. And marrying the daughter of the leader."

"Nice. Then why risk it all by coming back here?"

"I couldn’t get Niall out of my mind. I loved the kid like a son. And the thoughts of what that bastard was doing to him. And the fact I knew he would punish him for me. I wrestled with my conscience and thoughts for months. But my heart won. Now where is he?"

"Upstairs. Richard’s raping him." Liam wanted the man to go, save Niall. "He needs you Paul."

"Aye. And so do you. But I’ll just get rid of this bit of scum first." He drew his sword.

"Paul. No. I never wanted to. He made me." John backed away.

"Really? I remember you telling me you’d wanted my place. Funny that. And I heard about you beating Niall last night."

John picked up Liam’s sword that he had been idly playing with. "I beat you once."

"Aye, an unfair advantage. Not this time!" Steel clashed.

The fight was brief. John was no match for Paul. Paul had been the best swordsman in the house and he had lost none of his skill. With a swift move, Paul disarmed the man who began to beg for his life. "Forget it scum. What chance did you give me, or Niall? Go to hell." Calmly he ran the man through with his sword.

Liam watched as Paul went to the body and just as calmly slit the mans throat, then checked his pulse. "Well, he won’t be haunting me." He found the keys and unchained Liam who rubbed his wrists and picked up his sword, wiping the hilt. "I don’t want it tainted by him!"

Paul smiled. "I don’t know you, do I?"

"Lord Liam Payne of Mullingar Castle. And I feel as if I know you. You’re Paul, you took care of Niall. He talked constantly about you."

"Ah so you know the lad."

"Yes. I rescued him when he was sold as a slave by that bastard upstairs. I took care of him." He bit his lip. "I fell in love with him. Against all my efforts."

"Yes, the little scamp has a way of working his way into your heart. Well we’d better go and rescue him. Lord Richard has a few debts to pay."

Liam gave him a smile. "Let's go."

Darus was waiting no longer. That stupid boy must have got it wrong again. He marshalled his army and with a bloodcurdling cry launched an attack.

Meanwhile Zayn was arguing with Nicholas. "We have to attack Nicholas. Something’s gone wrong. We have to rescue them."

"They’re probably dead."

"We don’t know that. If you don’t give the order, I’ll go in alone."

"And I will follow." Harry rode forward. Nicholas was torn. How could he live with the decision that could kill his younger brother? But suddenly Darus’s army was racing towards the estate.

"Fuck. I think that makes my decision. FORWARD. ATTACK!"

Lord Richard was getting impatient. Niall was still unconscious. He hadn’t hit the boy that hard. He was fully aroused and wanted sex again. And he wanted to kill Payne. The whole business was dragging on too slowly. He threw a pail of icy water over Niall. "Wake up you little bastard, or do I have to fuck you while you’re unconscious?"

Niall moaned. "Liam."

"Stop whining. You’re going to watch him die in a minute! And it will be your fault. Like your family’s deaths."

"What ...?" Niall wasn’t sure he was hearing right.

"They died because of you. You have caused nothing but trouble Niall Horan. If only you’d have taken me up on the offer of a ‘job’ in the beginning, then they’d still be alive. I had to go to a lot of trouble to get you. Bargain with warrior scum."

"But ... but it was a massacre."

"A selective one, Niall. Why do you think you’re still alive? I told that idiot to make sure you lived, and your stubborn and foolish father died. He should have given you to me, like I wanted."

"You had them killed."

"Yes. I was that desperate for you. And I had to get rid of you because you were fucking that idiot Paul."

"But ... but I wasn’t." Niall was trying to get a grip on what he had heard. "You bastard. I’ll make you pay."

"I don’t think so. No one crosses me and lives Niall, your father, Paul. Liam."

Niall let out a scream - of agony, of frustration. His family - murdered so the lord could fuck him. Because he had been proud. "NOOOOO!"

Liam heard him. "Paul that’s Niall. We have to ... "

"I know lad. Stand back." He threw himself against the door. The lord looked up as the door splintered. Paul was stood there. "Judgement day!" He said simply.

Richard paled at the sight of Paul stood there sword in hand. "It can’t be. You’re dead."

"Oh, not again. Your staff went downhill without me. He didn’t do the job properly. But don’t worry. You don’t have to punish him. I killed him. Like I’m going to kill you now."

"I doubt that!"

"Well I don’t." He lunged at the lord. "Liam, go to Niall. Free him. Get him out of here."

"What about you?"

"I can take care of myself." His sword was flashing.

Liam rushed to Niall, still tied over the table. Still with his pants round his knees. He seemed to have slipped into a catatonic state. Liam knew he was in shock and thought it was being raped again – he hadn’t heard the lord’s confession that he’d killed Niall’s family to possess him.

"Niall love. It's me, Liam." He cut the ropes. "You have to get up love. We have to get out." There was no response. Niall stared into space, his body was shaking. Liam looked at him. He was covered in cuts and welts and bruises. A large lump was forming on his forehead and his eyes were glassy. Liam groaned. This was worse than he’d expected. "Come on Niall. Please sweetheart."

Niall made no attempt to move. Liam pulled Niall’s pants and trousers up gently, wincing at the sight of the blood. Niall would need cleaning up but there wasn’t time. He would need a lot of things. Liam only hoped he could give Niall all he needed.

Paul was pressing home his advantage in the fight with Lord Richard. "Liam, get him out of here."

"He’s not responding to me Paul."

"Shake him. Slap him if you have to, but get him out."

Just then Francis ran in. "My Lord, we are under attack from the warriors."

"I’m a bit preoccupied here," spat the lord. "Francis. Kill Paul. And those two there as well!"

Francis joined the battle, well actually took it over as the cowardly lord made good his escape. Liam considered going after him. He wanted him dead, but Niall was more important. He pulled Niall upright. "Niall," he made his voice firm. "Come back to me now!"

Niall stared at him blankly, still shaking. Liam was conscious of the fact that they were endangering Paul’s life by getting in the way. He shook Niall hard, not wanting to hit him. He’d been hit enough. Suddenly the window fell in with a crash as Darus rode straight in. Liam swore and picked up his sword. He would never get Niall out until he snapped out of the state he was in, but there was no time.

Paul assessed the situation. He pressed the battle towards the warriors. Francis didn’t stand a chance. The warrior cut him down. Paul was too fast however. He joined Liam and effortlessly picked Niall up. "Through that door there. It's too small for him to ride through."

Liam did as he was told. The narrow passage led to the kitchens. The lord’s staff had fled and the warriors hadn’t made it this far yet. Paul put Niall down. "You’re feeding him too well, he never weighed that much before."

"Niall. Please. Look at me."

Niall’s eyes were still glassy but he was panting now. The scenes of carnage around him triggering flashbacks. His cottage. Darus. His family’s deaths. All his fault. "No," he muttered. "Father. I’m so sorry. NOOOO!"

His cry made both Paul and Liam jump. Then he started to vomit and in a strange way that comforted Liam. He took it as a sign Niall was coming out of the strange state. He rubbed his back as he retched. "It's OK Niall. I’m here."

"Liam?"

"I’m here baby." He looked into Niall’s eyes and saw every emotion. Pain, fear, horror and above all love. He pulled Niall close. "I’m here."

"It was him, Liam. He ... he told the warriors to kill my family. So ... so he could take me. Fuck me. It was all him."

Liam felt sick at this, the man was far more evil than he’d thought. But he just held Niall closer. "It's OK love. I won’t let him hurt you again."

Paul was less accepting. "The evil fucker. He sent us that day. I found the bodies. Found Niall and he knew. It was all part of his 'plan'. Lord forgive me. He must die." Liam held tightly to Niall’s battered body and nodded.

It was the hardest battle Zayn had ever fought. Not because the warriors were particularly on form, but because he was desperately trying to look for signs of Liam and Niall. And his desperation was making him a little careless! A loud war cry and a sudden pain hit him. He had been caught by a sword. The burning made him drop his own weapon.

Darus had cornered the young warrior. He remembered a scene in a cottage where he had had to spare a boy similar to this one, but this one would not be so lucky. He raised his sword. "Meet your Christian maker boy!"

Harry saw it all but there was no way he could reach Zayn. In horror he waited for the fatal blow to end his lover’s life. "NOOOO!" But suddenly there was a figure between Zayn and the warrior leader. Harry still dared not to hope – the boy wore warrior clothes.

"Louis. Get the fuck out of the way."

"No. You cannot kill. It's wrong."

"They’re Christian scum."

"Then you’d better kill me. For I am half Christian."

"Don’t you think I don’t know that? Move aside or die Louis."

"No." Louis drew his sword. "Don’t make me kill you father."

"I’m not your father. You bring shame. You should have died at birth." The slash of his sword slashed Louis’s leg open. The boy winced but held his ground preparing to kill the man he knew as his father. Zayn watched helplessly. If Louis couldn’t kill the man, they would both die. But it was his father.

Luckily Anto and Harry had no such qualms. Harry caught the warrior on his side the man turned, and Anto ran him through. He fell. "Zayn. Are you all right?"

"My arm hurts. But I’m OK. Thanks to this boy."

Anto looked at Louis. "I think we’d better look at that leg." Louis nodded and limped out, pausing by the fallen body of Darus. "I’m sorry it had to be this way. I would never have been the son you wanted."

Anto touched his arm. "I’m sorry I had to kill him."

"Don’t be. He would have killed you. Would have killed me. My true father was a Christian."

Anto nodded, then held out his arms. "Then welcome home."

"We’ll never get out." Liam was looking round the kitchen. "If we get to the yard, the warriors will have us. Or Richard’s men."

"There’s a way out. Through the cellars. I imagine his lordship has taken it. It takes you beyond the estate grounds. Come on."

Liam took Niall’s hand. "Can you make it? How do you feel?"

"I hurt. And I’m confused. What’s Paul doing here? You died ...?"

"Not quite Niall lad. I had to come back for you."

"I know you hurt, but you have to make it." Niall bit his lip and nodded. Liam tightened his grip and they climbed down into the cellars.

Lord Richard was deep in the passageways when he heard Paul’s voice and Liam’s. Damn the warriors hadn’t finished them off. He wanted to run to safety, but he was consumed by the desire for revenge. If he could beat Paul, kill him. Make Liam pay. Now he had lost his estate on top of everything else. If he had not been so absorbed in Liam and Niall, he might have been prepared for the attack. He could still take Niall. After all he was standing between them and freedom. He hid in the shadows.

Liam was practically carrying Niall. The young blond was moaning in pain and Liam called for Paul to stop. "We have to let him rest a minute. He’s been beaten and had no food or water for two days." Plus he’s been raped. Liam didn’t say the last bit, but the image of the lord forcing himself into Niall would haunt him for a long time. Perhaps forever.

"OK. Let me look at him." Paul noted the cuts and bruises. "I reckon he’s got a broken rib or two." He took off his over shirt and gently wrapped it round him as his own shirt was in rags. "Come on lad, not much farther. We’ve a lot to catch up on you and I!"

Niall nodded. He felt like he wanted to die, and he didn’t know why he was fighting to live. All there was in life was pain and sorrow and regret. His family had died because of him. "Liam. Leave me. Go!"

"No. Never. Why should I?"

"Because ... I killed my family Liam. They died for me. Because of me. You nearly died because of me."

"No Niall, because of him."

"I’m trouble. Not worth it. Go."

"Never Niall. Do you want to know why?" Niall shrugged. It didn’t matter to him.

"Because I love you Niall Horan. I can’t go on without you."

"You don’t have to say that, Liam." 

"I want to. I love you babe. I want to be lying in bed with you. Tickling you. Making love to you. Swimming in the lake. To spend the rest of my life with you. Please believe me."

"Why?"

"Do I need a reason? You let me love again Niall. It's as simple as that."

Niall nodded. "OK. I’ll try. But, it hurts so much Liam."

"I know. Try for me, love."

"How touching." Niall collapsed again as the evil voice rang round the chamber. "You could be so happy together. But first you have to pass me."

"That won’t be hard Richard." Paul drew his sword.

"No!" All of them looked at Niall, as he tried to stand. "It's between me and him."

"Niall. Don’t be stupid. You’re hurt."

"I don’t care. If anyone kills him, it's going to be me." Niall made it to his feet. "Give me your sword, Liam."

"No. I can’t let you."

"Liam." Paul nodded. "You have to. I know how Niall feels. It's his fight Liam. He’s the one whose life has been ruined. You have to let him lay the ghosts to rest. Even if ..."

"Even if I die Liam. Now please. Your sword."

Liam handed it him. Richard was laughing. 

"You don’t expect me to fight an injured boy."

"Why not? You raped me."

"Niall."

"No. You killed my family. Took my virginity. Raped me. Almost killed me. It's payback time. Fight or die."

"You will die Niall, and it’s a pity." He parried the first blow.

Liam could hardly bear to watch. Niall was a great fighter but he was inexperienced and injured and weak. Not to mention the shock clouding his mind and judgement, but there was nothing he could do.

Niall found it hard to move. His body was stiff and he didn’t have the strength. All he could do was defend, yet he was painfully aware he didn’t have the strength for a long fight – he had to find a weakness. He winced as the tip of Richard’s sword cut across his stomach. It bled but Niall knew it wasn’t deep. It was just one more hurt to handle. He tightened his grip on Liam’s sword. Liam’s sword. Liam loved him. He had a reason to win. Liam had told him he loved him. He smiled and began to attack.

Richard laughed at first, then became shocked at the strength and accuracy of Niall’s blows. Where was the kid finding the strength from? Niall had him backed against the wall.

Niall didn’t know himself. All he knew was there seemed to be someone guiding him, giving him the strength. Liam and Paul melted away. There was only him and the lord. And an unseen presence. Paul watched Niall. He was fighting like someone possessed. He prayed.

Richard was wrongfooted and slipped, giving Niall the chance to press home the advantage. He swung at the man who blocked the blow. But the force knocked Richard’s sword out of his hand. It clattered to the stone floor. Niall pressed the point of his own sword against the man’s chest. "Go on then. You haven’t the courage to kill me, Niall. You’re just a boy!"

"You killed my parents. You made me grow up." Niall blinked the sweat from his eyes. "It's over. Go to hell!" And with one blow the man fell dying instantly.

Niall felt the walls spin. And he was falling too. He heard a voice. "Be happy. Make Liam happy." Then the blackness surrounded him.

Liam rushed to him. "Paul."

Paul was shocked. He felt Niall’s pulse. It was a bit weak but steady. "I reckon it's shock and overexertion. Let's get him home." He picked Niall’s limp body up.

"But how ... how did he fight like that? He couldn’t stand, Paul and ... and yet ..." He looked at the body of the lord.

"God moves in mysterious ways Liam. It was Niall’s fight. Has been all along. Maybe now, he’ll accept and move on. Find closure. Now get your sword and come on. Niall’s going to need a lot of love. And I reckon you’ll be the one to give it."

Liam nodded and smiled. The smile vanished as he picked up the sword and wiped it on the dead man’s tunic. It was over as Niall had said. Niall was finally free.


	17. Chapter 17

Anto managed to stop Zayn’s arm from bleeding with a crude bandage and left him in Harry’s more than capable hands. He approached Nicholas who was supervising the securing of the estate. Once the warriors had seen their leader die they had lost resistance and scattered.

"The last warrior has been eradicated. We’ve searched the property." Nicholas didn’t meet Anto’s eyes.

"Any sign of Liam or Niall?" Anto hardly dare ask

"No Anto. Or Lord Richard, for that matter." Anto sighed. He was worried about the lads, but he had others to think about.

"Nicholas, I think .... I think I should get Zayn and Louis back to the castle, they’ve lost a fair bit of blood."

Nicholas nodded. "I’ll just wait a little longer."

Anto patted his shoulder – not knowing was the worst thing. He was just about to ride off when a shout from a soldier stopped him

"Sir Nicholas! Look. Over there!" Both Anto and Nicholas looked. From behind the house two figures were approaching, one was carrying a third. Anto let out a sigh of relief – he didn’t recognise the first figure, an imposing dark haired man - but he did recognise the golden hair of the figure he carried in his arms and then he saw Liam.

"Thanks be to god!"

Paul gently placed the unconscious boy on the ground, he was dead weight. Liam briefly hugged Anto and Nicholas, then was on his knees next to Niall. Everyone looked questioningly at Paul, so Liam quickly introduced him. "This is Paul, whom Niall talks about!"

Anto shook the man’s hand. "Pardon my remark, but I thought you were dead."

Paul grinned. "Quite a few people did. To their cost!"

Anto bent next to Liam. "What's happened to him?"

Liam had to swallow the lump in his throat before he could speak. "He’s been beaten, hung in a dungeon. Raped." His voice cracked, and Anto gave him a quick hug before checking Niall’s pulse.

"We need to get him back to the castle before he gets any worse. Come on." His voice betrayed the urgency.

Liam climbed onto a spare horse. "I’ll take him Anto." Anto carefully placed the limp body in his arms and said a silent prayer for both of them.

Nicholas was talking to Paul. "We haven’t found his lordship!"

"And you won’t! Only his body. Young Niall made sure of that." A look of relief spread over Nicholas' face.

"Let's go home!"

A soldier approached him. "What about the estate sir?" Nicholas looked at Liam whispering to Niall, and made a decision. 

"Burn it to the ground – there has been too much evil here, it needs cleansing!"

Anto met his eyes. "I agree!" Nicholas watched the flames devouring all the wickedness that had damaged so many lives, in particular two! He hoped they could move on. He took one last look then rode away without a backward glance.

Liam carefully handed Niall’s limp body to Anto and dismounted. All the way to the castle Niall had remained unconscious, save for little moans and Liam was getting anxious. He followed Anto up the stairs to his and Niall’s room, watching as Anto lay him on the bed. It was horribly reminiscent of the first time he had brought Niall home. The weeks of worry and pain and anguish. God had given them a chance, would he give them another? Or had their time run out?

"Liam, quit the daydreaming and send a servant to bring some hot water and soft clean cloths. And get someone to send for a physician!" Liam did as he was bid.

Anto gently undressed Niall down to his undershorts, shaking his head at the livid welts and cuts that stood out starkly against his too white skin. The sword wound to his stomach would need stitching but it wasn’t life threatening. Then he turned his attention to the bloodied underwear and crossed himself as he started to remove it.

"Noooo! Please ..." Niall let out an anguished cry. No longer unconscious, perhaps he never had been.

"It's OK lad. It's me, Anto. No one is going to hurt you again. I need to see how badly that bastard injured you."

"Please. No. Don’t." Niall’s breathing was quickening up.

"Niall, you’re safe." Anto moved closer to the shaking boy. He pushed the sweat damp hair off Niall’s terrified face. "It's all over lad."

"No. I killed them. It's all my fault. I killed them Anto."

Anto was puzzled. Niall wasn’t making sense yet he was conscious and aware or seemed to be. Unsure of what to do for the best he brought a cup of cold, clear water and held it to the boy’s lips.

"Here son, drink this. You need some fluids into you." Niall swallowed the water obediently, even eagerly – he was thirsty.

"Please. A little more."

"Not yet lad. I don’t want you sick on me. I’ll give you more in a while. Now I’m sorry, but I have to see if you’re bleeding still down there." Liam came in to hear the last remark. He went pale.

"The physician’s been sent for."

"Good lad. Now can you hold Niall steady?"

"Shouldn’t the physician look at him there?"

Anto looked at Liam. "Not if it isn’t too serious. The less he’s upset anymore the better and having strangers touch him there will upset him!" Liam nodded. "Now sit on the bed and hold him!" Once more Liam did as bidded.

Anto gently turned Niall onto his side. "It's OK lad," he soothed. "I’ll try not to hurt you." Niall lay his head in Liam’s lap, all the fight seemed to have gone from his body. He didn’t respond to Liam’s stroking his hair or when the anxious boy touched his face that was damp with tears.

Anto bit his lip as he gently parted Niall’s thighs, shaking his head at the sight of the dried blood, though there was no fresh, to his relief but he still had to examine the boy. Rinsing a cloth in warm water he gently wiped away the blood which revealed dark purple bruises and scratches inside the thighs. Niall trembled violently. "Try to relax Niall, you’re doing really well." The marks showed the force with which he had been violated. "I know it's sore and painful and very unpleasant, but I have to feel inside you." Anto didn’t really want to do that either but he had no choice. "Come on son, relax."

Niall was absolutely still on Liam’s knee, only his rapid breathing told of his distress. He cried out once as Anto eased a finger into him. "Steady Niall." Anto tried to hurry up. He could feel small tears and abrasions but nothing major that he could tell – to his relief and there was no fresh blood so he decided there was no internal damage. He sighed with relief and smiled. 

"I’ve finished Niall, you seem ok. Just have to take it easy for a bit with Liam." Liam bit his lip. He seriously doubted whether Niall would ever let him touch him again.

Niall didn’t respond, he just lay there shaking, not hysterical, not even really crying – just shaking, the tears running silently down his face. Liam felt so helpless and exposed – all the feelings he had had since Michael’s death seemed to be surfacing and assaulting him at once. Anger, pain, realisation, frustration, fear and love. Love for Niall who now lay helpless, abused and broken. Tears burned behind Liam’s eyes and the lump swelled in his throat but still the tears that he so desperately needed to release wouldn’t come.

Anto looked – he had tended Niall’s wounds as best he could, now all he could was wait for the physician. And as frightening as the physical injuries were they would heal with time. It was the emotional damage Anto was worried about, Niall had been strong so many times in his short life, maybe this time his strength had run out. There was nothing he could do, Zayn and Louis might need his help. Liam was there for Niall and Liam was all Niall needed.

"I’ll be with Zayn and the warrior lad if you need me Liam. Just keep Niall quiet and don’t let him move about too much and start that stomach wound bleeding again. ’

Liam nodded and watched the door close behind Anto – then he looked at Niall who showed no sign of acknowledging or realising Anto had ever been there! "Niall sweetheart?" Liam took his hand. "It's going to be all right now. It's all over. The bastard’s dead!"

No response, but Niall bit his lip. "Ni. He’ll never hurt you again!"

"I know that Liam. I ... killed him." Niall’s voice was low, barely forcing the words out. "So why does it still hurt so much?"

"I don’t know babe." Liam bent and kissed the soft golden hair. "But I’m here. Here for you."

"He killed them, Liam. My mam and dad. My kid sister and brother. Killed them just because he wanted to fuck me. He betrayed his own people. His faith - just to rape me. He wanted me that much. Why?"

"I guess we’ll never know. A twisted desire. Obsession."

"But I feel to blame. That I’m a whore."

"No Niall, you’re not. Why do you feel like this?"

"I don’t know. I must have done something. But I don’t know what. He murdered and lied to get me. What does that make me, Liam?"

Liam gently kissed Niall’s forehead. "A victim love, an innocent, helpless victim!"

"I don’t feel very innocent, Liam. I’ve killed someone."

"Niall, I’ve killed a lot more. It's war, it happens. Kill or be killed!" Liam was desperate to make Niall see that he wasn’t to blame, but Niall wasn’t having any of it.

"That’s different. You’re talking about war, the warriors. The enemy. I killed a lord, one of my own people."

"Niall, he was evil, you just said he arranged to have your family slaughtered. Look what he’s done to you, tried to do to Paul. And me. If you hadn’t killed him I would have." Liam regretted allowing Niall to finish lord Richard, wished he had have done it himself. It was going to clearly be something else for Niall to beat himself up over. Yet Paul and Liam himself had thought it would bring some sort of closure to the awful episode in Niall’s life – obviously not! He didn’t know what to say to Niall for the best.

"Ni. It's not your fault love, none of it."

Niall shook his head. "I wish I’d died Liam."

"Don’t ever say that Niall. Ever!"

"Why not? My family died for me. My friends almost died. I’m nothing Liam, not worth it."

"Niall! I won’t let you say this."

"But I’m not. Look at me. All I’m good for is to be beaten like an animal, fucked at everybody’s whim. I don’t want to live like this. I can’t."

"It's over, Niall."

"Not in my mind." Niall closed his eyes to end the conversation and Liam was so shaken by his last words that he said nothing. But he kept stroking the blond hair. Surely he hadn’t finally let love in, only to have it taken from him again. 

Liam had no idea how long he sat there – Niall didn’t stir again and Liam guessed the past days’ ordeal had finally caught up with him. But he didn’t want to leave Niall, so he sat there. Wondering what he could do to make things right.

The door opened, it was Anto with the physician. "How is he Liam?"

"Broken!"

The physician began to examine Niall, the blonde's eyes opened but he didn’t murmur, which worried Liam. After a cursory look the man turned to Anto. "The welts will heal, I’ll give you some salve to prevent infection. That stomach gash needs stitching. You’ll have to hold him still. Niall didn’t make a sound, or a conscious movement, the only indication of any pain were the small jumps and twitches and the tears that trickled silently down his face. Liam wiped them away, kissed his forehead and whispered words of comfort and encouragement – but Niall didn’t respond.

The physician soon finished, it was only a flesh wound. He handed the jar of salve to Anto. "Make him rest and keep him quiet for a few days. He’ll be fine. Tough lad. Now, you said there were some more needed looking at?"

Liam was left with Niall again, who had once more closed his eyes, shutting out the world. Soon Anto was back again. "Zayn and Louis will be fine. A few stitches each."

"That’s good." Liam was pleased yet nothing really penetrated the worry about Niall.

"So what really happened?"

"The bastard raped Niall, Anto, right in front of me. He chained me up. I couldn’t do a fucking thing about it. He tied him to a table and raped him. And Niall was so fucking brave... he didn’t make a sound. But now ... he’s screwed up Anto."

"Understandably!"

"It's not just the rape. It appears ... he told Niall. It seems that Niall’s family’s deaths weren’t just a random warrior attack. It seems that lord Richard arranged it. So that he could get Niall. And now, now Niall feels responsible."

"That’s ridiculous."

"Not to Niall. And Anto ..." Liam bit his lip.

"What?"

"I feel so guilty. I don’t think Niall trusts me anymore. And I don’t blame him."

"Why do you feel that?"

"Because I was there, in the same room and I let that bastard do that to him. I promise he’ll never be hurt again and first I leave him chained up in a fucking dungeon cell after being beaten then I stand there and let that bastard rape him."

"LIam – it wasn’t your fault."

"But it was. Because if I hadn’t pissed the man off, then ... then he wouldn’t have taken Niall in the first place."

"Too many 'ifs' Liam. It's no use in dwelling on it. It wasn’t your fault, you could do nothing. We have to move on and do our best for Niall. You blaming yourself won’t help. We have to get him through it. Be here for him!" Liam nodded, but he had little faith at that moment.

He remained with Niall, although Niall was or at least appeared to be asleep. There was a quiet knocking at the door. "Come in!"

It was Paul. "I hope you don’t mind. I wanted to see how Niall was."

Liam smiled sadly. "Of course I don’t mind. You mean a lot to Niall. He always talked about you."

Paul smiled back. "He did? He means a lot to me too. Like a son he is." He looked at the still figure. "Poor little bugger. He’s not had a lot of luck, has he?"

Liam shook his head and watched as Paul sat on the bed next to Niall and felt his forehead. "No fever. That’s a good sign." He lifted the dressing on the wound. "And the old quack’s made a neat job of that. Shouldn’t scar too badly." Liam nodded. "And Anto told me there seems to be no ... internal injuries ... from the assault. He should make it through."

Liam nodded. "Physically yes."

"But you’re not sure of the emotional damage?"

"No. He told me, he told me - he wanted to die." Paul silently digested this information. Niall had wanted to die during his first captivity with the evil lord, he had never actually said it to Paul but his whole manner had told the man that. But Niall had been through many hells since then and was still there, hanging on. Something had got him through. And looking at the expression in the young dark haired lord’s face it was fate, Niall’s destiny was bound with the lad sat holding him. They were meant to be. But Niall had to see that.

Paul looked at Liam. "You look exhausted."

Liam shook his head. "I’m all right."

"I doubt that very much. You need a wash, a hot meal and some rest."

"I’m not leaving Niall!"

"I’ll stay with him. If he asks for you, I’ll summon you. You’ll do him no good if you get sick." Liam was about to protest, then he realised maybe Paul could help Niall more than he himself could at that minute. The thought hurt, but he had to accept it. Slowly, gently he lifted Niall’s head off of his lap and laid him gently on the pillow – Niall didn’t move!

"All right. But just for a wash and food. I’ll come back. This is mine and Niall’s room. And I want to be with him."

"Aye then lad." Paul watched Liam gently kiss Niall on the forehead and leave the room. Then he began to pray for Niall, and for Liam!

Paul sat watching Niall sleep, like he had so many times before. He hadn’t truly expected Niall to be alive, had thought he was coming back to avenge his death. But Niall had fought to live, there would be no justice if he gave up now. "You have to fight on little one or he’s still won, even in death." A long time passed. Paul expected Liam back, but guessed Anto must have persuaded him to remain with them a while. Then Niall began to stir. He looked at Paul with liquid eyes.

"Paul. I thought ... you were dead. I’m so confused."

"I was wounded, rescued, as yourself was. But don’t worry about it now. How do you feel?"

"Sore! My back stings. My stomach’s pulling and ... it hurts inside." A tear formed in the corner of his eye.

"I think there’s something to put on your back. And your stomach’s pulling because of the stitches. Just lay still." He didn’t mention Kian’s other pains, there was no point. "Do you want anything?"

"Could I have a drink, please? I’m so thirsty." Paul filled the mug with water and gently raised Niall’s head, just as he had done before so many times. Niall drank the water and then lay. He lifted the loose dressing on his stomach and flinched at the sight of the stitches.

"Now then Niall, it's only a flesh wound and the physician’s made a fine neat job."

"It's another scar."

"It's nothing Niall, will almost disappear."

"Like the ones on my back." Niall sounded cynical.

"Niall, it's only the surface. You’re still the same Niall underneath."

"But I’m not Paul. I’m scarred there too." Niall blinked back the tears. "Where’s Liam?"

"Getting cleaned up, fed and rested."

"I suppose he can’t bear to look at me."

"Niall! He loves you. A few physical marks aren’t going to change that."

"Does he?"

"He told you he did."

"To make me want to live. To get us out."

"Because he loves you."

"That was the first time he’s ever said it."

"So? Niall, stop torturing yourself!"

"I can’t. How can he love me, Paul? I’m bad. My family died for me. I’m scarred and beaten. I’ve been fucked by people I’ve never even seen properly. I’m a slave. I’m useless and worthless - and I should have died."

"Niall, feeling sorry for yourself won’t help."

"I can’t take any more Paul. I can’t be rejected anymore."

"No one’s rejecting you."

"Then why isn’t Liam here? He used to sit with me for hours when I was sick before."

"Because he’s been through hell too, Niall. He had to watch them beat and rape you."

"I know. I cause suffering to the people I love the most." Niall’s tears escaped. Paul held him close.

"It's not your fault."

"But it feels as if it is. I was happy Paul, in a way I haven’t been since I was a child. Even when I was with my family. I’ve had this need - this yearning. I wanted to move on, and with Liam. I was happy for a while. I felt needed, loved – even though he never said the words. And now, I’m empty again. And it hurts. Hurts so much ... more than the beatings. Even more than him inside me. Liam ... Liam won’t want me like that again."

"Niall."

"He won’t. You should have let me die."

Liam sat drinking hot milk, wanting in the worst way to go and see Niall and yet not wanting to. He knew when he looked at the fragile soul in the bed he would be overcome with guilt that he hadn’t been able to stop the assault. Every time he thought about Niall he saw that monster pushing him over the table, plunging in to him. Unconsciously his hand shook and the milk slopped onto the table.

Anto looked up. "Are you all right Liam?"

"Yes."

"Maybe you should go to bed. It's been a long day."

"I don’t think I’ll sleep."

"Niall will recover from his injuries, Liam."

"But not the emotional ones. Anto. I’m so scared. I can’t face him."

"What do you mean?"

"I can’t. Anto, all this is my fault. He took Niall because of me and raped him. How can I look Niall in the eyes? Knowing I’m responsible for his pain."

"You aren’t, Liam. And Niall will not blame you. Now go up to bed. I’m sure Paul wants to sleep tonight as well."

Niall was asleep. Liam bit his lip at the sight of the figure curled up in the bed. Paul gave him a smile. "He’s had some water. And I put some of that salve on his back whilst he was sleeping."

"How ... how is he?"

"Feeling pretty low right now, which is understandable. Be there for him, Liam. He needs you." Liam nodded, and climbed into bed behind Niall. Paul smiled and blew out the candle. Then said another silent prayer.

"No! Please! Get off of me! Leave me alone. Father. I’m sorry." Liam was woken by a wildly thrashing Niall.

"Niall. It's OK. You’re safe. Let me hold you." Liam wrapped practised arms around Niall, began to soothe him as he had so many times before. But this time it didn’t work. Niall fought him all the harder. Struggling and crying. Liam tried to dodge the blows, to wake Niall up.

Paul and Anto ran into the room, seeing Liam almost in tears and the distraught blond boy. Paul approached him. "It's OK Niall. Come on, lie still."

"Paul?" Niall seemed to wake, to calm a little.

"Aye lad. Now lay down before them stitches burst."

"He was here. He killed my father Paul."

"I know Niall." The blond wouldn’t let go of Paul - to Liam’s dismay. But he hid it well.

"Paul. You’d better stay in here with Niall, I’ll take your room." Anto was about to say something but realised the early hours of the morning weren’t the time. Paul nodded and lay alongside the sobbing boy, stroking his hair. Whispering soothing words to him. 

Liam lay in bed – feeling lower than he could remember feeling in a long time. He was losing Niall, maybe he had already lost him. He didn’t sleep that night.


	18. Chapter 18

A few days later.

Liam saw Paul talking to Nicholas and Anto and crossed the courtyard to speak to them. Things hadn’t changed in the last few days. Niall didn’t seem to be able to bear being alone with Liam, was hardly able to speak to him and Liam’s feelings of guilty were making the situation much more tense. It was easier to leave Niall to Paul, the one person who had never let him down.

"The nightmares have just about stopped but now I don’t think he’s sleeping. When I look at him he’s lying there, eyes full of tears. The poor little bugger."

"Thank the lord you were here, he’s not responding to anyone else."

"Aye, but I can’t stay much longer. I have a village to look after. And my lass is getting impatient." Anto smiled. Clodagh had indeed been patient. Accepted the ‘I will come home soon’ messages that Paul sent daily, but there was only so long she would be patient. And to be honest there was no idea of how long this would carry on for. Zayn and Louis were making wonderful recoveries. Niall’s own physical condition was improving daily but he hardly spoke.

"Well the physician comes later today to take the stitches out. Maybe you should talk to Niall after? Tell him you have to go? It might give him the push he needs."

"Aye. It's worth a go." Paul smiled at Liam’s sad face. "Maybe he’ll turn back to you."

"I wouldn’t count on it."

Niall lay still as the physician slowly and painfully removed the stitches. "That’s healed up well lad. Now you need to get up and about." Niall ignored him. After he had gone, Paul sat on the bed.

"You heard the man. You have friends down there who are worried about you, missing you."

Niall managed to shut Paul out, but he continued. "And young Liam’s really broken up about it. He blames himself you know."

Niall stirred. "Wh ... what do you mean?"

"He’s feeling guilty for that bastard raping you again, and we’ve told him it wasn’t his fault." Niall nodded.

"So if you went and spent a little time with him? Let him know you didn’t blame him."

"Of course I don’t. It was my fault, and now I’m making him worse."

"Niall, it's not your fault. But you have to make some effort. I have to leave tomorrow. My lass needs me, and my people. And I’d like to know you were going to be OK."

A tear slid down Niall’s nose and he turned onto his side. Anto made to leave, but Niall’s voice stopped him. "Paul. Where’s your village?"

"County Mayo. Why?"

"Can I ask a favour?"

Liam was brushing his horse when Anto came in, he knew at once from the expression on the older man’s face that it wasn’t good news. "What's wrong?"

"Paul was telling Niall he’s leaving tomorrow." Anto moved to hug Liam. "I’m sorry Liam, but Niall’s asked to go with him. To leave Mullingar!"

Liam sat by the grave, he had never known that such an agony as he was in now existed. At least without a physical wound. He had the feeling if you could see into his heart it would be shredded and bleeding. "Michael. What do I do? He’s packing to leave ... and I can’t live without him. I need him so much."

"Then stop him!" He turned at the quiet voice. It was Louis, or rather Louis William – he had to remember that Louis was taking a Christian name, having two names rather than just one. He looked at the brown haired boy.

"You shouldn’t be riding with that leg."

"It's OK. You shouldn’t be alone. They’re looking for you."

"Who?"

"Nicholas, Paul and Harry. Anto and Zayn are trying to persuade Niall to change his mind."

"I guess without much luck."

Louis nodded. "He’s a soul in torment. Like I was before I discovered my true self."

"I love him, Louis!"

"Then tell him!"

"I have. He doesn’t listen."

"Then make him. Paul doesn’t want to take him, says that only you can heal him - but he can’t just reject him, it’d do more damage."

"I know that. What if I can’t heal him?"

"You did before."

"Things are different now."

"Yes, you’ve both suffered and both blame yourselves for the other’s suffering. It should be simple. You couldn’t help that bastard raping Niall, anymore than I could help that man who was supposed to be my father, killing his father. But it won’t be easy. You’ll have to be there for him every day."

"I know that, I will be. But he won’t let me in to start with. And he won’t stay. If only you could make him."

"But how?" Then Liam smiled. "There might be a way. But he could hate me for it."

"It might be worth the gamble. Anyway. Niall’s no emotions at the minute and you need emotions to hate."

Niall was relieved when Zayn finally left the room. He didn’t want to listen to all the reasons he should stay. He couldn’t stay. He couldn’t look at Liam and know he was putting the man he loved through hell. Better to be far away. He folded his Sunday best clothes. He had little to take. He didn’t have his sword, he didn’t know what had happened to it. And anyway, it had belonged to Michael. It wasn’t his.

The door opened and he groaned. When would they realise he had to leave? "Zayn, I know you mean well but I have to go. For Liam’s sake."

"Why for my sake?" Niall jumped. He hadn’t expected Liam to walk in. He lowered his gaze. 

"Answer me Niall. Why for my sake?"

"Because ... because I’ve hurt you. You blame yourself, and it's not your fault."

"Neither are your family’s deaths your fault."

Niall winced. "I don’t want to talk about that!"

"That doesn’t surprise me. You want to talk about nothing lately Niall. You’ve not even told me why you want to leave with Paul."

"I just do."

"Well, I don’t want you to. I love you Niall, we need to stay and work through this. Running away won’t help."

"I don’t care what you want Liam, it's for the best."

"Not to me. And it doesn’t matter whether you care or not. You can’t leave without my permission! You’re still my slave, or have you forgotten?"

Niall went pale, or paler than he already was. "You always said ... I was free."

"You are Niall, but not to run away from something that will haunt you the rest of your life unless you face it. I’d rather apply my rights. You’re my slave. And you’re staying here."

Niall’s eyes were hard. Cold. Like blue diamonds. "So when it suits you I’m your property. Is that why you came to rescue me? Because I was a ‘loss’?"

"Don’t be so fucking stupid. I came to rescue you because I love you. And I was the fool who couldn’t see it. Or rather admit it till you weren’t there."

"You say you love me, but you won’t release me to go and be happy. You just want to possess me."

"Because you won’t be happy. A different place wont make a difference to the demons inside you. But together we can beat them. I’ve been there Niall, I know now that no one stands alone, you showed me that. Now you have to let me in."

"No. I’ve done that. I got hurt! And you want to hurt me again. To own me. I’m my own person, Liam."

"I know that, but you need to take responsibility for being your own person. Not go and hide behind Paul."

"How much?"

Liam gave Niall a curious glance. "What do you mean, how much?"

"For my freedom. What's the price?"

Liam wanted to cry out that there was no price on a precious and wonderful individual like Niall, but he swallowed. "Ten thousand silver crowns."

Niall nearly fainted. "That much money doesn’t exist." He had been hoping Liam would say ten crowns or something, and he could borrow it off Paul. Which is what Liam had realised.

"I’m sure it does somewhere Niall, but I want you to realise ... to me you’re priceless. No amount of money would have made up for you if that bastard had killed you. I would have given everything I own and could ever hope to own if it would have stopped him raping you. I failed you, Niall. I want another chance. But to earn that chance - you have to be here with me."

"Even if it's against my will? Then you may as well lock me in a dungeon like he did." Niall held out his wrists. "Go on Liam, chain me up, I’m your property."

Liam felt sick. He wanted Niall, but wanted Niall as the person he had grown into. Wild, free, independent. The person that had made all the work and suffering worthwhile. Niall would never find that person again if he was made to stay there, confined and chained. He shook his head. "No Niall, you aren't. I’m wrong. Go with Paul if it's what you want. I officially give you your freedom. I’ll write a statement, relinquishing my rights over you, making you free again." He turned and walked to the window. "But I’d prefer to have the room to myself tonight. I’m sure you can share with Paul."

Niall nodded and picked up his things. "Thank you, Liam. For your reason, for your kindness. I’ll always remember it! And the way you saved my life!" Liam didn’t answer and Niall got to the door then he turned to face the man he loved one more time. The sun was setting and its rays shone through the window, bathing Liam in red light. And catching something on his face, Niall paused. It looked like droplets of blood. 

"Liam." The older boy turned and Niall caught his breath. They were tears, reflecting the red of the sunset. Scarlet tears. Liam was finally crying.

"Liam. Why?"

"Because ... I don’t want you to go. Because I love you." Niall dropped his bag and slowly, hesitantly made his way across the room to stand nervously in front of Liam.

"I don’t want to leave you. I love you too."

LIam reached out, wrapping his arms round the small blond figure. "Then stay!"

Niall snuggled against the older boy. "Can I?"

"Of course."

"But I’m not your slave anymore?"

"No. But you could be my life partner." He kissed Niall’s forehead. "I know it won’t be easy. The bastard might be dead, but we’ll have to battle with his legacy for a long while. But if you want to. I do."

Niall nodded and lifted his head. His pink lips parted, almost begging for a kiss. LIam smiled and gently, chastely kissed Niall’s lips. When he looked up he pulled Niall close. "I want you bound to me by much a stronger relationship than a slave/master one."

"I like the sound of that."

"Let's go and tell people you’ve changed your mind."

Niall nodded, but before they left the room he touched one of the tears. "You vowed never to cry again."

"I vowed a lot of things. I hadn’t met you then. Didn’t know what pain and pleasure one small blond farm lad could bring me. Now come on!" Hand in hand they went downstairs.

_Some Time Later_

Paul hugged Niall and blinked back the tears. "Now then lad. I’ll be off now. But you come and see me."

"Of course. I’m going to be your best man, aren’t I?"

"That you are. And you are a man at last, so don’t cry." He had seen the tears in Niall’s eyes and ruffled his hair.

"If I’m a man then cut that out."

Liam stepped forward. "Thank you for saving my life. And safe journey."

"Anytime lad. And thanks for what you’ve done for Niall."

"It's still an upward climb Paul." Niall still didn’t want anyone near him in bed. Grew tense if people invaded his space. Hated being seen naked, hated his body. But he was at least trying to let Liam near, trying to talk, trying to trust.

"I know that. And I know you can make it. Now I must go."

Niall watched him leave, gazing until he couldn’t see the tiny figure any more. Liam touched his arm. "Come for a ride."

They rode deep into the forest, to Michael’s grave. Niall gave him a questioning look. "I thought it was time you met Michael."

Niall smiled. "I have, Liam."

"When?"

"When I was fighting Lord Richard. There was a voice, and someone guiding me. I couldn’t have fought like that. Defeated him alone. He told me to be happy, to make you happy."

"It was Michael then."

Niall knelt on the grave. "Thank you. I never knew you but ... thank you for saving me, giving me a person like Liam. I’ll try to deserve him."

"You do deserve me." Liam pulled Niall to his feet. "I have your sword here."

"I thought it was lost."

"Richard sent John with it. To prove he had you."

Niall buckled it round his waist. Liam looked at him closely. "I don’t want to go back to the castle yet Niall. I want to be free for a while. Just you and me. Is there anywhere you’d like to go?"

Niall took a deep breath. "The village I grew up in."

"Are you sure?"

"No, but I have to start facing these demons."

Liam nodded. "Let's go then."

Niall felt his stomach turn as they approached the cottage. It was derelict and abandoned. It seemed no one had moved in since his family had died. Liam watched him. "We can turn back Niall."

"No, I want to see. I need to Liam." He dismounted and Liam followed suit, taking Niall’s hand. It was trembling. Nothing had changed in the cottage. Although Paul’s men had straightened the furniture when they had moved the bodies. Niall stood remembering that day, a sunny day much like the present one. How he had stood and watched his family die.

"I’m sorry," he whispered. "So sorry father."

A breeze blew through the open door. Niall blinked. Through the tears he could see his family, smiling gently. Hear his father. "It's not your fault lad. You did your best. You made us proud." Then he could see the happy times he’d had, laughing, playing. He smiled.

Liam waited anxiously, holding Niall’s hand. "You OK?"

Niall shook his head. "No, but I will be."

"You sure?"

"Liam. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure babe."

"How can you love me? I’m covered in scars, shake when you touch me. I’ve been fucked by lots of people. I can’t even say when I can make love to you properly again. I’m nothing."

"You ask how I can love you? Oh baby how can I not love you? You’re beautiful and strong and brave. And the scars mean nothing. When I see them, all I see is how brave you are. Each one is a sign of your strength. And nothing else matters. If we’re meant to make love we will, one day when the time is right. We just have to take it day by day. All that matters is being here for each other." He kissed Niall’s nose. "I do love you. So very much."

Niall nodded and smiled through his tears. "I guess I have to start letting go of the past, blaming myself. My family don’t blame me. I can feel their love." Liam smiled. He had been thinking that himself, to say the cottage had been the scene of such a violent loss of life it had a very peaceful aura. He looked around. 

"So you grew up here?"

"Yes. Not very grand, but I had love."

"I can feel it too." They stood a little longer. "I think we should be going if we want to get back before dark." Niall nodded and moved to the door. Something half buried in the dirt on the floor caught his eye. He picked it up. It was the silver cross his father had always worn.

"I’d have thought the warriors would have taken it."

Liam took it from Niall’s hands and wiped it on his tunic. "Maybe it’s a sign. That your father’s watching over you. That everything’s all right." He fastened it round Niall’s neck. "Now come on. We can come back again."

They rode towards the castle. Anto would be getting supper, Harry eating anything he could find and Zayn trying to stop him. Nicholas would be teaching Louis, he was a keen student, hungry for knowledge of the heritage denied him for over 18 years. It was a safe cosy picture, and Liam suddenly felt happy. He reached for Niall’s hand. "It will be all right you know. We’ll make it!"

"I know that Liam, you’ve never let me down. Please believe that."

"I do now. Maybe it was sent to us to make our love stronger. Strength comes from pain and sorrow."

Niall squeezed his hands. "I know that now. And I wouldn’t change a thing Liam, however bad it was. I’m glad it happened to me. A farm lad from Mullingar. You make it all worthwhile."

Liam had to blink his tears away again. It was getting regular. "I love you Niall."

Niall nodded. A couple of things were nagging at him. "Even though you’ve seen that I’m of low birth ... Maybe I’m not good enough for you."

"Niall, I couldn’t care less. Honour comes from within. And no one is more honourable than you. And when you’re my life partner ... well, all that will cease to exist. You will be a lord too."

"Is that allowed?"

"I don’t know. But I’ll make you one. Lord Niall."

Niall smiled. "Thanks. Oh, it’s a bit cold in my room."

"Do you want me to send up extra fuel and blankets?" Liam hoped Niall was hinting at what he thought.

"Well ... it's ... the bed’s a bit big."

"Ah! I think Anto might share if you want. But he snores."

"Liam!" Niall put on a petulant expression. "I miss you in bed, OK?! I miss your cold feet and your talking nonsense."

"Is that an invite?"

"Yes Lord Payne."

"Then I accept." Niall smiled. He wanted Liam’s arms round him. His comforting body. But he didn’t know what else he could handle just yet. Liam sensed this.

"Hey, no pressure. Your pace, Niall. You take the lead." He leaned over and kissed the blond. "Now let's go before Harry eats all the supper. Race you!" Niall laughed as he urged his horse on. 

Anto smiled as he saw the two figures galloping up the hill. Brave, loyal, stubborn – but he had known they were destined to be together. He sighed as he turned to see Zayn slap Harry’s hand away from the supper, then pull him in for a kiss. Love, it crossed all boundaries. Pain, suffering, birthright, religion, even death itself. As Niall and Liam chased each other in, scattering dirt - he tried to look angry and failed. Even in the hard violent times they lived in he was surrounded by love. In fact, he had to smile as Niall pulled Liam close and kissed him long and passionately. 

_Fin / The End_


End file.
